Closure
by unknownstuntman
Summary: Meet Sian as she looks back on her earlier life. Meeting Sophie for the first time at the age of 18 at university, and the downward spiral her life took, and why she hates Soph so much. Or does she?
1. Chapter 1

A new story for you all. Once again, big thanks for my proof reader, if you like this couple, check out her YT channel at h t tp : / / www . you tube . com/ user / spof monster In-between proof reading for me, she puts a lot of effort into them. If you read this, some comments would be nice on the review button at the bottom there. Ta ;)

**Closure.**

"Noun: A bringing to an end. A conclusion."

**x-0-x**

"Oi Sian, you getting the next round in or what?"

The booming voice reached me at my cramped position at the bar of Via. God I loved this place. Great drinks, great atmosphere, pity I was only 5 foot 5 and getting overlooked at the bar was a regular occurrence.

I looked across at the owner of the voice, my partner Dan. His large frame obvious, even from the other end of the bar. His handsome face grinning at my current predicament; stuck between a woman who seriously needed to learn that Sure had let her down and a man dressed in a flamboyant basque, heels, headdress and full diva make up. Still at least he smelt nice. Unlike Mrs lack of deodorant on my other side. That was the beauty with Via. Anyone and everyone came in here. In actual fact, that was the beauty with the Village in Manchester. You could really see life here, and often we did. We always came here for some downtime we had.

Sticking my tongue out at Dan and flicking him the v's, I managed to grab the attention of a barmaid as I saw him gesturing to the rest of our friends that the drinks would soon be flowing. Lin the barmaid was laughing at my face as I managed to squeak out my order. Bringing back the tray of drinks and taking my money; she smiled, as she returned with my change, holding onto my hand a little longer than necessary.

"Rough day in work Sian love?"

I rolled my eyes at her and laughed, gesturing at the alcohol and gently withdrawing my hand "Better now Lin, cheers". I winked and walked away carrying my precious cargo through the throngs of people, past the lush, thick velvet curtains that separated the main bar from the more secluded seating area and into the dark dingy corner we always occupied. Placing the tray down, I grabbed my drink, taking a quick gulp of my strawberry beer as Dan placed a meaty arm around my shoulders.

The conversation was flowing freely between us all, as it does with a bunch of friends who had known each other for a few years. Well, I was the baby of the group really and had only known them for two years; some of the others had known each other for much longer. They were a good bunch though, they'd taken me in straight away and this night out was to celebrate me graduating, not being the newbie any more.

PC Powers. It had a nice, albeit amusing, ring to it. Two years of being puppy walked and the good natured butt of my colleagues jokes; finally over. I was finally accepted. One of the boys. Manchester's Finest. It felt good. I had a place I belonged now.

I looked around smiling, feeling the reassuring weight of Dan's arm on my shoulders. Bless him, he knew I wasn't in the mood for people coming onto me tonight; I just wanted to let my hair down and enjoy myself without any hassles. They were good mates, all of them, Ian, Claire, Gerry, Chris and of course, Dan. They'd looked after me after I'd started working with them two years ago, helped put me back together after I'd had my heart broken.

Bad work days? Not a problem with these guys. Friends. Real friends. Friends who'd never let me down, would never hurt me (Well, there was that unfortunate incident involving Chris and the last chunky Kit Kat I had in my fridge going missing, but we'd got past that). There was never a time when a needed hug was refused, an angry outburst thrown back in your face. They forgave and forgot and accepted me for who I was. Claire had basically adopted me as another daughter as the boys were her lads.

I'd disappeared to the ladies with Claire and we were on our way back to the rest of our mates after our short girlie time together when I heard raucous laughter from part of the bar. Distracted by the noise and struggling past the people queuing at the bar (why the Christ in hell were ladies toilets ALWAYS a mile from where you sat) I stumbled as I was knocked slightly off balance by the hen on yet another hen night. Ending up on one knee.

Struggling to get back up with a little help from Claire, I heard the loud laughter again. Glancing in its direction, I spotted the table. Typical. Bunch of pissed up students or ex students looking at them. Finally back on my feet, Claire linked her arm through mine and looked across me at the table and tutted. She probably knew where my thoughts were headed.

Tugging me to follow her, she smiled. "You're better off out of there Sian, no regrets. Look at how far you've come" I looked into her brown eyes and nodded. "We're proud of you; you're one of us now. Forget her." I knew she was right, but it didn't stop the small pangs of regret at the disaster that had been my time at university. I followed her, but had final look at the table, blinking twice when I saw the long dark, wavy hair. Manchester? Weatherfield was a suburb. Oh shit no, I couldn't be that unlucky could I? She'd be finishing her course about now. I'd have finished my course about now...

Blinking and looking again, the owner of the hair had gone. Shaking my head I walked back to my mates. Nah. I was just imagining it. Time to get pissed and party. Grabbing another beer at the table I took a healthy swig and enjoyed the banter with my mates.

x-0-x

Somehow or other it was my turn to buy the beer yet again. I'd managed to get to my feet and find a decent space at the bar, the lateness of the hour meaning that there were less people around. Feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket, and dragging it out, I dropped it.

Bugger it.

Reaching down to get it, a slender hand and wrist appeared in my view. Picking up the phone before me and standing up, I followed suit and stood up. The slender hand was attached to a well toned forearm, my eyes following the arm up to a shoulder and long wavy dark hair.

"Hi Sian, I thought it was you before" the quiet voice, the Mancunian accent. Holy shit. It WAS her.

"Sophie." I plucked my phone out of her hand, turned and walked out, blood pressure whooshing round in my ears, heart thumping in my chest. I heard Dan and the lads shouting at me, I really did. I knew I should have waved at them said anything, but I needed air. I heard Sophie calling after me, but what else could I do than get away from her? She'd destroyed me once, two and half years ago. It had taken me this long to get on with my life.

Sophie fucking Webster. Why now?

Reaching the wall that separated Canal Street and its patrons from falling drunk into the actual canal, I leaned heavily against it. Gulping my breath down. Two and a half years, two and a half fucking years since I'd seen her, and I felt like I'd been sucker punched. I thought I'd gotten over this? Wasn't that the reason I'd ended up in my chosen career? Gripping the wall tightly with both hands, eyes firmly shut, I calmed myself down, resisting the urge to throw up. Using the cold air to help settle me by concentrating on breathing it in and out several times, I turned around, hearing dual sets of footsteps behind me.

Opening my eyes, I saw an animated Claire with a finger in Sophie's face. I watched the two of them briefly while they had a chat of sorts, then checked my mobile. Might as well see if my life could get any worse. I checked the caller ID. My mother. Yup, cheers God, it certainly could get worse. Jesus, what was she ringing me for at this time of night now? Probably her new toy boy had run off with best friend or something. Shoving my phone in my pocket, I looked back at my angry friend, or adopted mum, it depended on what mood she was in.

Christ, she was in full on protective mother bear mode. I looked at Sophie. Not with a coppers eye, but just...as... what? Ex girlfriend? I could hardly call us that could I? Ex lover? Nah, I ran my hand though my blonde hair. Ex piece of spineless shit would be more to the point I reckoned. Still, she'd only changed slightly. Looking a little leaner, with the same lovely dark hair cut a little shorter and with her fringe gone now. Snorting in disgust at catching myself looking at her like THAT again, I caught sight of the lads; noses pressed against the window, eyeing the tongue lashing Claire was dishing out. I smiled grimly. Made a change. They were probably enjoying it. It was usually one of us she was bollocking.

I've got to be honest, I was a little surprised at seeing Sophie standing her ground and jabbing her finger back in Claire's direction. I raised an eyebrow. Well, that was a change from the Sophie Webster I knew. If anyone had openly had a go at her in the past, she'd wormed her way out of it, just like... ah hell, screw this I was going home.

I caught Dan's eye in the window and gestured with my thumb, universal language for "I've had it, I'm off" just as I caught a "I bloody tried ok? I screwed up, and who the hell are you anyway, her mother?" from Sophie. I blinked. She tried? I actually laughed out loud at that one. The two combatants stopping for a second to look at me.

"You tried?" Two and a half years of bitterness crept unrepentantly to the surface as reluctantly I took a couple of steps towards her, seething with rage. "You TRIED? Course you did Soph..ie" Dammit 5 minutes in her presence and I was using the shortened version of her name. I didn't need this, the small number of people still around paying a close interest to this argument. Probably thinking that there was some sort of kinky love triangle going on.

I turned and bumped straight into Dan's broad chest. He automatically wrapped his arms around me, looked at me quizzically, shrugged and simply guided me to the nearest hackney.

Seated in the warm cab I looked out of the back of the cab to see Sophie looking, the area lit well enough for me to see the strange look on her face as we drove back to my place.

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors note**: Italic writing is memories ok? Thanks for the reviews. They're always welcome. You'll soon discover by the way that my Sian has language as bad as mine. Thanks as always to my ever lovely proof reader.

**x-0-x**

I sat down on my sofa. Weary. God, I felt knackered. An hour ago I was having a great time, laughing with my mates about not been a puppy and needing to be walked by Dan any more. One hour and one brunette from my past later and I felt like I'd gone ten rounds in a boxing ring. Dan had been his usual chivalrous self, escorted me to the door, gave me a hug and told me to ring him if I needed a friend. I felt sorry for the poor bloke. I'd never really opened up about why I'd left uni, only the bare essentials were needed.

Went, had a shite time, met a girl, fell in love, things became even more shite. Left. Yup that summed it up. Although I had, during one drunken night of feeling sorry for myself, told Claire a little more. So she knew who Sophie was. I had a suspicion the lads knew who she was now too. Picking up my phone and sending out a text to my friends to tell them I was home and fine, I wandered into my bedroom, sitting on my bed and looking at my wardrobe.

Stuff this, this was stupid. I lay back, flinging my arms over my eyes, refusing to play along with my stupid emotions. Shoving them down. I didn't want this, I didn't NEED this.

Sitting up again I went to the bottom of my wardrobe, pulling out a well battered box from the bottom and placing it on the bed. Staring at it like it was the enemy. Sighing, I drew myself away from the box and went to make a cup of tea. I really didn't feel like sleeping just yet, I was too wired. Good job I was off for two days and didn't need to see anyone.

My phone buzzed at me as I was adding sugar to my tea. I picked it up checking it as I took my cuppa back to bed.

"**Hi Sian, glad you're home ok, I'll call you tomorrow for a chat. Claire"**

Dropping my phone on the bedside table, I sat cross legged on the bed, staring at the box. Daring it to piss me off any more than I already was. Grabbing the top and throwing it on the floor, I looked at the contents. Delved to the bottom and found exactly what I was not looking for.

Nope not me, wasn't looking for anything in particular. Nothing to see here, move along now.

Turning the item in question over I sighed. Yeah there was something to see. Two photos from one of those passport booth things. Sadly, they weren't like the old ones where each photo could be different, but nonetheless there were two lovely identical photos of two fresh faced girls looking happy and giggly. Me and Sophie Webster. Another time, another lifetime ago it seemed now.

Lying back on my bed, I ran my thumb over the two innocent smiley faces on the photos.

How the hell had it gone so wrong? Snorting again, I KNEW how it had gone wrong. Sophie Webster was a chicken shit, that was the problem.

Drifting off to sleep, tea forgotten, I remembered.

**x-0-x**

_I was 18 and beyond shy really. My parents and their breakup had effectively screwed me up for a long time, made me mistrusting of most people. Lancaster University was my way out of my mundane existence in Southport. My ticket to a brighter future._

_Armed with two A Levels and a desire to better myself, I'd got onto one of the best physical education and science courses in the country. Bloody hard graft and sheer bloody mindedness keeping my grades up and impressing them enough on my application to be offered a place. After my visit round the campus, I knew this was where I wanted to spend the next three years of my life._

_It was set in the gorgeous countryside, but was still buzzing enough with plenty of nightlife to keep people occupied. I sort of hoped I could continue the healing process from my dad's rejection of me, and my mum's 'whatever' attitude towards me._

_I was gay. A lesbian, a dyke, whatever my dad wanted to throw at me. He hated me, my mum couldn't be bothered with me. As long as it didn't interfere with her new life with her new toy boy and fruit machine business for the arcades in my home town, she didn't care. God I hated it, it was too small. I felt trapped there. The beach was the only decent place I could go and think. Either the beach or my bedroom playing my guitar. My only escapes._

_Getting out of my beat up car, I looked around me, taking deep breaths of the clean air. I'd miss the beach, sure, but it was a clean break. I could stay here in the holidays, unlike a lot of universities. I had no reason to go home again for 3 years, unless it was on my terms._

_Looking at the piece of paper in my hand, I looked up at the building._

_Cartmel College. My new home. Checking the room number I'd been allocated, I looked up again and smiled. Home. A place to call mine for a little while and to finally breathe and be me. I'd splashed out and gone for an en-suite room. No sharing toilets or showers for me, no way. That was the second decent thing about Southport. The seasonal work. I'd had little part time jobs since I was 16, starting off working for my mum and moving on from there. The money I'd determinedly saved helping fund for a posher room, to keep my privacy, and allow me some freedom. Looking around as I opened the boot of my car, I made a mental list of things I needed to do. Finding a job while I was here being the main one._

_Grabbing the first box I could find, I closed the boot and made my way to the entrance of my new home. I could have cursed my only piece of bad luck. Freshers week was starting tomorrow, and most people had already been here since Friday. I'd only managed to get here today. It didn't help my nerves and shyness. I reckoned that people would have already started making friends and social circles. People naturally did, and a late comer like me, a WEIRDO as my dad liked to say, was always going to have problems fitting in already._

_Ah fuck this._

_Mentally resolving to cut down on my language amongst other things, I used the keys I'd picked up from the housing office and had a war with the front door to the building. Balancing the box with my left arm and tugging like a demon with my right, the door wasn't going to give. I was just checking I'd actually used the right key when the door burst open and a gang of giggling people herded out, barging into me and knocking my possessions onto the floor. Hearing something in the box make a "yeah I'm delicate and I'm broken now noise" I sighed and bent down to pick up the box. About to look up to give a mouthful to the idiots who'd knocked me over, a body knelt down in front of me as rude comments about me being an idiot and standing in the way reached my ears._

_I was just starting to stand up and give the arrogant moron a mouthful when a small hand rested on my arm. I was seething. Who the hell came out of a door like that? Idiots._

"_Here, let me help you I'm sorry about that. Lee, shut up, we knocked the poor girl over. I'll meet you down at Revs in a minute ok"_

_Seeing deep blue eyes looking back. Deep blue eyes and dark hair framing a cheeky smile and a gorgeous face._

"_Hiya, sorry about that, bit of guilt on both parts I think" the thick Mancunian accent reached my ears. I knew she was talking. I knew she was talking to me. I could see her lips moving, her words, although they sounded like they were coming from underneath the water._

_I was too busy watching her lips to realise she was talking to me again, asking me questions as she helped place my meagre belongings back in the box._

_God she was gorgeous._

"_...yeah, so sorry, looks like this is broke."_

_Huh? Oh shit yeah, the noise when the box had hit the floor. My favourite mug was waved in my face. Well, the remains of it. The handle was being held in one slender hand and the actual mug was being held in the other beautiful hand. I blinked and shook my head slightly. For Christ's sake, I was writing essays in my head about her hands?_

_Standing up as I seemed to have missed her standing, I took the offered broken cup from her hand, our fingers touching for second. Her continual talk stopped for a second. I looked at her as she stopped, and shaking her head slightly she continued._

"_Yeah, so, I'll see you round. Sorry bout that again" She gestured at the box, she started walking away, stopping and turning "there's a gang of us down at the bar called Rev's if you feel like joining us after you move everything in." She smiled and I realised I was expected to shove my brain into gear at some point._

"_Sian" I blurted my name out. The gorgeous brunette smiled._

"_Well, if you feel like joining us...Sian, that's where we'll be." She gave a little wave and trotted off towards where her friends had gone._

_It took me a few minutes before I realised I hadn't found out her name. Still, I guess it didn't matter that much. Two days later than most people here and it counted, she already looked like she was tight with that Lee and the others who had arrived earlier than me. She was probably straight anyway. All the best ones were._

_Finally working out the front door, (you had to pull it slightly before turning the key) I found myself inside the main building, checking the address on the paper lying on top of the box, I made my way up the stairs to the third floor and found room 301 pretty easily. I was next to the stairs I'd just walked up. Great. Right on the outside of things, as always._

_Opening the door to my room I walked in and put the box down on the bed, looking around. Doing a 360 degree on the spot I was quietly impressed. It was bigger than my room at home and thankfully wasn't full of fruit machines like my room at my mums._

_Extra large desk, bed tucked away on one wall, wardrobe built in on the other side...and a door to... I poked my head in. Yup, that would be my en-suite. My own shower and toilet. Lovely. I was glad I'd decided to pay for my own en-suite. Knowing my luck, I'd have ended up sharing with Lee and his buddies._

_It was tidy and neat and very clean. Nodding my approval, I locked my front door and wandered down the deserted short corridor. I'd read up about going to uni and knew most people jammed their doors open if they were in, but these were all shut. At 'Revs' I had no doubt, or maybe I was on an empty corridor. Wandering to the end of the corridor I opened the door marked kitchen and walked in._

_Opening cupboards doors, I noticed that I wasn't on an empty corridor. Stickers had been placed on almost every door except one. Nice. That was mine then. I noted the names. Ches, Katie, Sophie and... Lee. Oh for god's sake. I couldn't be that unlucky could I? Looking at the equipment in the kitchen, again, I was happy enough. Kettle, cooker, microwave and fridge. Cool._

_I spent the couple of hours getting all my bags out of my car and unpacking certain things, I NEEDED unpacking. My LFC flag went up on my wall, making me feel more at home, small portable TV and my lappy on the desk, and my guitar perched in the corner. Lying on my nice newly made bed, I looked around. I'd not done too badly for the last hour or so. It has been a pain to pack up my car with basically everything I valued, but at least now I didn't need to go back for anything. My new timetable was pinned to the wall, and I'd scattered a few little nick knacks around. It felt more homely than my actual home. Probably the lack of either of my parents to either disown me or ignore me had helped. The only blemish being my broken Liverpool mug. My dad had bought me that. Back in the days when I was his little girl and he didn't hate me for being gay. Hadn't disowned me when he found out I had a girlfriend. I treasured that mug. It was just rubbish now. I'd left it on a shelf, I didn't want to look at it, but not able to throw it away either._

_Checking my watch, I pondered going to find this bar to see if I could see my mystery brunette._

_Fuck it, why not? I could always use the excuse I was finding my way around the campus and town. Throwing on a jacket and Cons, I grabbed my keys and went for a walk. It hadn't taken long to find the bar, the music and whooping and hollering from it pretty obvious that Fresher's Week had started a little early. Poking my head through the door, I was greeted with a wall of noise. Quickly looking around, I couldn't see my brunette; I did see plenty of drunken 18 year olds. Deciding to do this on another day, maybe after I'd made some friends on my course I turned around and tried to open the door as someone on the other side pushed it, I pulled and ended up and my arse. Again. The bar started laughing. I mean, really, as one the whole fucking bar paused and then started laughing. Laughing at me, not with me, that was for sure. I was bright red with embarrassment. Twice in a few hours? Jeez, I'd really turned back into a clumsy moron overnight._

_Struggling to my feet in the crowd of people surrounding me, I ran for it. Well, tried too._

"_Haha, look at that! She's done it again." Loud, arrogant and male. "Typical blonde." I slowly turned. Seriously feeling close to tears at this point. Yup, Lee, sitting there like Lord Muck laughing at me. Surrounded by his new friends, including my mystery brunette. I saw the pity in her eyes at the state of me, by now beetroot red, on the verge of tears and wearing a variety of beers on my clothes after falling on the floor._

_I bolted. What else could I do? I was that close to crying in front of people I didn't know and might possibly HAVE to know for the next three years. Slipping out of the front door, the rings of laughter in my ears, I wiped an angry hand over my face as I walked away. Typical. I screwed it up again, proving my dad right. I was just a disaster waiting to happen. Useless._

_I'd stomped back to my room that night. The little corridor a welcome sight. Making myself a cup of tea with some teabags I'd already bought with me, I retreated to my cosy little room. My safety net, to retreat into myself when upset._

_When mum and dad had split up, when I'd realised I was gay, when I'd had my first row with my first girlfriend and so on and so on. I'd always retreat to my room, always with a cup of Earl Grey, sometimes with my guitar. It settled me if you like. Always worked._

_Checking my timetable for tomorrow, I was glad to see first up was a meeting with the rest of my course, but not until later in the morning. Hopefully I'd be able to make some new friends and get over my crippling shyness. Eventually settling down to sleep and reminding myself I needed to look for a job somewhere, I ignored the noise as the rest of my laughing corridor dwellers came in from drinking and finally went to sleep._


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors note**: Italic writing is memories ok? Thanks for the reviews. They're always welcome. You'll soon discover by the way that my Sian has language as bad as mine. Thanks as always to my ever lovely proof reader.

**Authors note 2**: Sian lives in Southport not Manchester, so she has a weird mix of accent that you get from living there... (as people from that area will confirm.)

**Beep beep...beep beep...**

I reached out and grabbed my phone, checking to see who'd woke me up, wincing at the stiffness of my legs. I'd not moved from where I'd fallen asleep last night. To be honest I was half glad I'd been disturbed. My dreams vivid and full of the sights and sounds of three years ago. Stretching and relaxing back I checked the ID. Claire again. Bless her. She really was like my surrogate mum at times.

"**Meet me at the usual Starbucks in an hour. My treat" **An order from my Sergeant, how could I refuse? Smiling, I hauled my aching limbs towards the shower, time to put my dreams from last night behind me and get on with things.

I'd only been sat in the coffee shop for fifteen minutes nursing the dregs of my flat white when a mug of something frothy and sweet smelling was placed opposite me and Claire slid into the booth opposite.

"So" I looked up. Claire's curious gaze looking at me. "That was, or I should more correctly say, she was the reason you left university?" I smiled at my friend.

"So" I countered "you said you'd be on time and it was your treat." I waved my cup, making my point. Rolling her eyes, she stood back up again.

"Fine." Walking back from the counter she sat opposite me again, "but I want some answers woman." Pushing another flat white and a huge slice of cake in front of me. "That girl was in tears after you left with Dan."

I stopped demolishing the cake and looked up.

"Yeah, thought that would get your attention." Claire picked up a second fork and stole a chunk of my cake. Pausing her fork halfway to her mouth, "got all upset she did, saying how she was really sorry, had been looking for you and messed everything up". She chewed on her piece of cake thoughtfully while I exploded in a shower of angry questions.

"SHE looked for ME?... There's nothing going on with me and Dan as you well know...and...and...What the hell's she got to whine and cry over? Do you know what she did? Actually what she DIDN'T do?"

Claire swallowed and put her fork down on the table and pinned me with a stare. "No, I don't, but you're going to tell me aren't you?" Bugger it. She'd cornered me. I looked down at the table and sighed as she continued, "see, the thing is Sian, when you came to us two years ago, fresh out of training college, you were a shy broken thing." I felt the fingers lift my chin up to meet her eyes. I didn't want to, but Claire being Claire wasn't about to take no for an answer. "It took us a long time to realise there was this sarcy little sod underneath all the toughness."

I'd struck lucky when I'd been allocated to the relief I worked on. Claire was a surrogate mum, big sister, friend and Sergeant all in one. And thankfully for me, she moved effortlessly from role to another. Smiling gently, she wasn't about to let me off with this, and I knew deep down inside an explanation was well overdue. Probably about 2 years overdue, but hey ho, better late than never eh?

"Gathering that that was THE Sophie... the one that screwed you over so regally in uni, how about you start at the beginning and tell me what you can." She stroked my cheek, the gentle motherly action almost undoing my resolve not break down, not to cry. Trying one last protest about 'it'll take ages and I'm sure you've got better things to do' I was shot down in flames again; secretly pleased at the 'I've got all the time in world' response. Seriously, why couldn't my parents take an interest in me like this? Well, other than my mother wanting a bail out every now and then when her latest toy boy did a runner with the money. I was broken out of my thoughts by Claire talking again.

"So, how about I keep us in caffeine and the occasional Early Grey all afternoon and you tell me as much as you want."

And tell her I did.

I mean, don't get me wrong here, I didn't totally pour out my soul, spill my guts, bare my demons, you get the picture right? But I told her most of it.

I watched her as I told of the disastrous first meeting I had with Sophie, and then my humiliation in the bar. To her credit, she TRIED not to laugh. Really tried, but her eyes crinkled up and she had a small coughing fit. I'm a copper now remember, I know when people are lying to me. Well, I do now.

Told her of the shock of leaving my room for my first 'lecture' in Freshers Week...

_**x-0-x**_

_Checking my watch again, I realised I had plenty of time to find the lecture hall. Should really have done it last night, but I was feeling so miserable after my spectacular exit from Rev's that I stayed holed up in my room playing my guitar to soothe me._

_Still, my early night meant I'd had a good night's sleep and was pretty rested for the week ahead. After discovering the wonder of permanent hot water in my shower and dressing in my usual uniform of jeans, Cons and a shirt, I'd had a cuppa and realised I didn't have any food. That'd be a trip to the shops later then. Even less time to settle in with my new flat and course mates._

_Rucksack on my back and holding the map I'd been sent between my teeth, I was trying to lock my door when my ears heard a scuffling noise behind me and a gentle clearing of a throat. Looking over my shoulder I met gentle dark blue eyes._

_And promptly dropped my keys on the floor._

_Rolling my head back and staring at the ceiling at my stupidity around this girl, I sighed and bent down to pick them up; surprised to be beaten to them by a shapely forearm attached to a soft hand that reached around me. The hand held them out for me._

"_Hey Sian, I just wanted to see how you were after yesterday" the keys were jingled at me; I looked at them and then made myself look back at those eyes. No, there was no piss taking in there. She looked... surprisingly compassionate, interested?... Nice? The keys were jingled again and the mystery brunette (well, I knew her name was either Katy or Sophie now) gave a confused smile._

"_Your keys" I blinked. My brain kicked into gear yelling me to talk, make some sort of grunt, just do something!_

"_Urrgh, yeah, cheers for that" I floundered for a name... "errrrrr."_

"_Sophie"_

_Hallelujah! I had a name for the gorgeous girl. She smiled at me. A proper smile that reached her eyes and I melted. God she was gorgeous. That was all my frazzled brain could come up with. She jingled the keys again and the spell was broken, I quickly grabbed my keys, our fingers touching for a brief moment, both of us blinking. Shit, I really needed to go._

"_I...erm,...really need to...err" I shoved a thumb in the direction of the stairs, "you know...err... yeah, lecture". Jesus I was eloquent when I wanted to be. I know I was shy, but I was never normally THIS bad around girls. Making a run for it (my usual method of dealing with shit situations that make me feel trapped, I'm sure you've gathered by now) I turned and made for the stairs, well, I'd tried to, except for the gentle hand that had a deceptively strong grip on my arm._

"_Sian..." I stood still, not turning around. "Sian, look, I'm sorry for Lee yesterday, he was an arse yeah? I know we didn't all start off well, but please; try and come out with us, we're going to be on here for twelve months and it'd be nice if we all got on." I turned around and gave a small smile._

"_I'l-ll, I'll try", my small smile was contagious, Sophie smiled back, the skin on the bridge of her nose wrinkling slightly, "I need to go to the shops later, but... I'll try." She nodded, seemly happy I'd agreed to try and meet the rest of my flat mates. I gestured to the stairs again, "...really need to g-go now.." I was STAMMERING? When the fuck had that happened? Holy hell, I must have looked like a right misfit._

_The brunette let go of my arm this time and wished me a nice day, saying she'd see me later. I jogged off to find my lecture hall. The beauty of wanting to be a P.E teacher and being on a course to get me there, I was pretty good at the running stuff. Earphones in, music on loud, I checked my map and trotted off in the direction I needed._

_To be continued..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors note**: Italic writing is memories ok? Thanks for the reviews. They're always welcome. You'll soon discover by the way that my Sian has language as bad as mine. Thanks as always to my ever lovely proof reader.

**Authors note 2**: Sian lives in Southport not Manchester, so she has a weird mix of accent that you get from living there... (as people from that area will confirm.)

**Authors note 3**: I've changed the ages of a couple of characters to fit in with Sian ans Sophie. You'll spot who they are ;).

_The brunette let go of my arm this time and wished me a nice day, saying she'd see me later. I jogged off to find my lecture hall. The beauty of wanting to be a P.E teacher and being on a course to get me there, I was pretty good at the running stuff. Earphones in, music on loud, I checked my map and trotted off in the direction I needed._

**_x-0-x_**

_Cavendish Lecture Hall. I poked my head in around the door to see a smallish group of casually attired people. Backing up just to check the name over the door one more time, I walked into a wall. Honest, how clumsy was I? And Sophie was nowhere to be seen to cause it this time. Hearing the gentle 'ooooof' I realised the wall was human. Wincing at the inevitable cursing that was to come, I turned around and, yup, it was a human wall._

_Two hands placed themselves on my shoulders and braced me, and their owner I suspected._

"_Are you ok there?" A gentle voice reached me and I looked up into gentle, smiling brown eyes. The eyes were in a handsome dark face to match the rest of his impressive frame. "This is Cavendish isn't it?" I nodded. "Thank goodness for that, I thought I'd messed up again." He took a pace backwards and thrust a meaty hand out at me. "I'm Ben by the way. I only got here last night, so I'm still making introductions." I smiled, thank god. A late arrival like me._

"_I'm Sian" I shook his hand, feeling more confident and at ease around this lad than anyone I'd met so far, including a certain lass called Sophie, whose eyes did strange and crazy things to me._

"_Well Sian", the broad easy smile was back, relaxing me "shall we?" He gestured at the door and I gratefully entered with my new acquaintance behind me._

_Two hours later, Ben and I left the lecture, plenty of information and a tour of the facilities better off. It had been initially very difficult for me to overcome the shyness. Several people on the course had been in Revs the previous night and had sniggered at me. They hadn't been cruel as such, certainly not on a par with that pillock Lee, and after an initial few minutes of awkwardness, and an intervention from my new best mate asking what he'd missed, everyone had settled down. I wasn't sure I was ever going to be matey will any of them, but I knew I could cope with the next few years._

_The tour had been fantastic. We'd all done this once before on our visits before we committed to a place, but we were allowed much more freedom this time. Ben's eyes lit up when he saw the pool. He was a huge swimmer he'd said, and looking at him, that explained the size of his shoulders. I'd heard him laughing when we saw the running track and athletics facilities – the love of my life. Running. Both of us started oooo'ing and ahhhh'ing at the climbing wall. A pact was made then and there to go training together when we could. I'd swim with him, and he'd come running with me. The climbing wall was a definite date. Well, not date, but it was nice to meet someone who was as driven as me. Looking at him as we walked to the cafeteria for lunch, I watched some of the other female fresher's looking at him and grinned. He was a handsome lad alright. Refreshingly enough, he was totally oblivious to the attention he received as we grabbed some food and decided to sit outside to eat. God I liked this guy already, I HATED being cooped up indoors._

_Sitting by the shade of a tree, scoffing my sandwich and watching Ben describe a certain way he did some weird swimming stroke, his hands describing in the air his actions I spotted movement on the path headed for the place we'd just left._

_Sophie...and... Lee... Jesus, were they joined at the hip? I pondered an even more hideous thought... were they an item? Already? Closing my eyes and letting out a painful sigh, I cursed my obvious bad luck. Straight. Like I said, all the good ones were._

"_Sian?" Shit, Ben! I opened my eyes slowly and gave him a sheepish smile. He looked at me puzzled and looked to where my gaze had been, before I'd gone all weird on him. Well, he probably thought I'd gone all weird on him. Looking at what I imagined to be the happy couple and then looking back at me, he patted my hand. "You like him?"I shook my head and explained Lee was THAT Lee from the previous night. "Oh" was the reply._

"_So, do you like her?" was the surprising added on bit of his reply. My eyes shot open and my eyebrows had rocketed up into my hairline somewhere with shock. "Because if you do, I can see why. She's lovely. Much more your type than that spiky haired idiot." Still in a calm voice, still no hatred. Ben looked at me, a little smile creasing his face. "What? I'm no homophobe you know. It's no big deal to me. If you're not, cool. If you are, cool."_

_And that was it. I'd never had anyone accept me that easily before; he'd totally disarmed me with his acceptance. I burst out laughing after thanking him, his deep laugh joining in. Both of us looking back to where we'd seen Sophie and Sonic (as Ben had wickedly decided to nickname him), both of us spotting the blue eyes looking our way._

_She managed a little hesitant wave and then she'd gone._

"_Wahey" was the only comment from my new buddy, before he checked his phone and stood up. "Come on, if you've finished, my mate started here today too, let's go find him, you'll like him. He's a nerd, we're jock's, it's our duty to wind him up."_

_And with that he reached down and hauled me upright. The two of us laughing as we walked across the large green towards a different part of the uni._

**x-0-x**

"Wait, wait wait..." my recollections were interrupted... "Ben, BEN?" I looked at Claire. "Gentle Ben?" I nodded knowing she'd just made the connection. Her eyebrows rose, "you knew him in uni? And Ryan, Ry? Him too? But why didn't they stick up for you then when..."

I raised my hand. "Hush! You want the details, you'll get them, but in order." Quieting down, she allowed me to carry on. Telling her of meeting the 'pasty faced vampire known as Ryan' as Lee had called him and my first week in uni.

Ryan had been great, quiet and a little moody looking but he just accepted me with a small "alright' and that had been that. We'd sorted of weirdly bonded the three of us. I was the only one with a car, Lee had a motorbike and Ryan had his two feet so I was sort of designated the driver for shopping day.

I'd tried to bond with my flat mates. Really had, my fledgling confidence by making friends with Ben and Ryan pushing me on. But every time I tried to talk to Sophie I turned into a babbling idiot. It became easier to just smile and nod morning to the girl, ducking my head down and avoiding eye contact. Lee didn't help. He was always hovering around, ready to take the piss out of me which made my dropping things (cups of tea, bowls of Shreddies, you name it...) around her even more obvious and worse. So, then, the times I managed to find her alone, I was so nervous over being an idiot, I just clammed up and bolted. I think she gave up in the end, she probably thought I was cold and still bore a grudge. If I wasn't in, I was normally in Ben's doing course work, or Ryan's listening to his amazing musical taste. Not a surprise really, being as he was doing a degree in music.

My other two flatmates, Chesney and Katy seemed to be too wrapped up in themselves to notice anything else. Although to be fair to them, they were never rude to me, just...preoccupied with 'other' things.

I'd settled into a nice routine, even got myself a nice part time little job in a local coffee house. Every morning I was either out jogging with Ben before class or swimming, sometimes even managing to get Ryan to tag along, although he normally died half way through. Nights out in one of the many bars were a great stress reliever. Ryan had formed a band with some of his class mates and they managed to play some gigs. They weren't half bad either.

On more than one occasion I'd seen my flatmates in the same bar and always managed a civil little chat. Always smiling, ducking my head and half running back to where Ben sat, sometimes with other members of my course.

Although difficult at times on my corridor, my course was great, my grades were going to be great, and the fresh air and scenery was fantastic. Yet I'd still felt...at a loss. Something was still missing.

Then the shit started to hit the fan when Lee realised I was gay.


	5. Chapter 5

**Authors note**: Italic writing is memories ok? Thanks for the reviews. They're always welcome. I know it's a sow goer so far... but it WILL start picking up soon. You'll soon discover by the way that my Sian has language as bad as mine. Thanks as always to my ever lovely proof reader.

**Authors note 2**: Sian lives in Southport not Manchester, so she has a weird mix of accent that you get from living there... (as people from that area will confirm.)

**Authors note 3**: I've changed the ages of a couple of characters to fit in with Sian ans Sophie. You'll spot who they are ;).

**x-0-x**

"Lee was a 'phobe then?" Claire's question reached me after she'd been to fetch us yet another coffee (decaff thankfully), despite me protesting at taking up her time she'd patted me, told me her husband would look after the children, answered my polite enquiries about them and them told me to get on with it.

I rested my head in my right hand, propped up on the table. "I dunno, I think he was just a Sian-phobe. And...to be honest, I wasn't always this open book you see before you." I smiled as I lay my hands in a palm up gesture, smiling at Claire's "No Shit. REALLY?"

"Yeah, hard to believe eh?" I sighed again, thinking back bringing up unwelcome memories. Claire, being Claire and having some weird telepathic mother thing going on, covered my hand with hers and told me to stop if I needed to.

"Naahhhhh mum" I smiled cheekily at her hiss and narrowed eyes, "I guess I need to tell someone, finally." Giving my hand a squeeze, she encouraged me to continue.

**_x-0-x_**

_University had been properly started for two weeks after fresher's week, and I was starting to feel at home and find my feet now that the campus was buzzing with all the students back. Barring the 'Sophie-sitch' as Ryan had dubbed it, things were mostly ok. Bumping into Sophie every now and then was...well...awkward, but couldn't be helped. Most times when she still tried to chat to me, Lee would come in and make some comment about me or some of his food going missing and then pointedly stare at me. Making little comments about Southport not being THAT far from Liverpool. It kinda made my exit from the room easy enough. Let her deal with her blert of a boyfriend. She was welcome to him._

_My job was pretty boring, but easy enough, and the couple who owned the shop were lovely. The first few weekends were spent at the local bars, including Revs, which had now become a favourite of ours. Ryan's band had managed to get a regular slot in the amateur and open mic nights. It was nice to just kick back a little, enjoy a beer or ten and check out the girls with Ben and Ry before freezing to death waiting for the bus to take us back to the campus. Not that the girls ever really interested me. Well, not that much. I'd spoken to a few of them, even flirted a little, much to the lads amusement, but in my usual fashion had backed the hell away if anything other than talking was suggested._

_Unfortunately for me, one girl was flirting with me and had just placed her hand over mine, leaning into my neck and giggling at something I'd said that I'm sure wasn't THAT funny when Lee walked past._

_Shit shit shit._

_He'd said nothing at the time; only a narrowing of the eyes and little smirk on his ugly face had given it away. The fact he'd seen definite flirting going on between me and...oh god, whatever her name was. It didn't really matter now. I felt sick. Really sick. Sick of not known the girls name, sick of flirting with girls I was only half interested in and REALLY sick that muppet had seen._

_Now, don't misunderstand me here. I am NOT ashamed of being gay ok? It's just I see it as being a part of who I am, not all of me yeah? I just fucking hate labels. My dad had messed with my head enough with them. Things had sorta settled down between us all on the corridor, an uneasy truce. Which meant Sophie thought I hated her, Lee only gave me little sly digs every now and then, and Katy and Ches would smile at me if I bumped into them in the kitchen or corridor. But Lee, he would use this like a weapon against me. Would twist what Sophie already thought of me. Like a knife he'd stick it in and twist it until the truth was bent all out of shape. Pardon the pun there._

_I almost ran back to the table, wishing the lads goodnight (not that they noticed, Ryan was too busy with a 'groupie' and Ben looked comatose he'd had so much beer). Babbling that "Lee knew" and that I'd see them tomorrow, I'd run past the little group surrounding Lee, who was by now obviously telling them all, and off into the night, back to my sanctuary. Knowing the corridor was empty; I'd gone to the kitchen and got some milk in my mug, reminding myself I needed to buy a small fridge for my room. My kettle and tea bags were already waiting for me in my room. Checking the fridge, I noticed some of my stuff was missing. Huh. Weird. Probably me in a blind panic with a tankful of beer on board, I'd check tomorrow when everyone had gone out._

_Retreating to my room, I'd made my tea and changed to my security blanket clothing, hoodie, baggy shorts, thick socks. Grabbing my guitar to soothe my nerves I slowly calmed down. It's hard to describe, but it was a power thing you see. It was my right to tell people as and when I wanted and little Lee was going to take that away from me and rock my slightly stable world._

_Fingers moving of their own accord, I started to make a coherent tune on my guitar. Feeling creative for the first time in a long time, I grabbed a notepad and a pen and started to scribble notes down as the tune in my head started to take form and words followed. Lost in my music for a while, I was broken out of my bubble by raised voices in the corridor. Male and female. Putting my guitar down, I padded to the door and listened._

_Lee...and...Sophie. Great, just what I needed, a lovers tiff. Although listening in..._

"_For Christ's sake Lee. Why do you think you have the god given right to maul me? You're not my boyfriend..."_

"_Babes, come on... you know we go great together, Ches and Katy are a couple. Just give in to your feelings yeah?"_

_Urgh, the arrogant dick. But still, NOT a couple? A small flicker of hope started cheerleading inside of me at the thought Sophie really did have better taste than to date that moron._

_The voices had got closer, nearer to my door, making my snooping easier._

"_Oh pur-lease...fuck off Lee ok? We're mates; we'll always be mates that's it. But carrying on this heavy shit is going to make me forget that."_

_The inner cheerleading went up a few notches at that. Go on Sophie, tell him to do one._

"_Well what other options you got gorgeous?" For fucks sake Lee, this is not how you chat up a woman. Not that I was an expert, but insulting them wasn't the way, I was pretty sure of that. Sophie murmured something I couldn't make out, and then there was a sharp rap on my door, making me jump and the noises to stop in the corridor._

_Looking through the peephole in my door, I was surprised to see Ry standing outside my door, glaring at Lee from what I could make out. Opening the door a little and poking my head out, the dark head swivelled and the lips curled into a smile._

"_Y'alright Sian?" Ryan turned his body round to face me. "I had to put Ben to bed, but came back as fast as I could". Still positioned in the corridor was Lee. Watching me with a sly smirk on his face. I looked across to Sophie. She was watching me with an unreadable expression on her face._

"_Yeah, I'm fine Ry, come in." Opening the door a little wider to let him in, I saw Sophie trying to catch a glimpse of my room. Then came the kicker..._

"_Look Sophie, maybe she's not a big old dyke after all. I mean, that MUST be why the thieving bitch is an even bigger idiot than normal around you." The snide smile got wider as I kept a grip on Ryan's arm, feeling how tense he was at the insults starting to flow my way. Warning him in a low voice..."Ry...don't"_

_Oblivious to how close he was getting to Ryan going for him, the dickhead carried on. "Maybe she's trying to turn straight...after all she's no chance with you babe..."_

_Pulling Ryan into my room, I slammed the door before either of us launched ourselves at the moron, resting my back against it._

_Ry was fuming. "Are you going to just stand there and take that Sian? There's so many things we can report him on for that shit." He stalked around my room fuming some more. "I'm going to get Ben, we'll kick his fu..."_

"_RYAN" My raised voice cut him off. "It's ok. I've heard worse from my own father. Well, it's not ok, but he's partly right isn't he?" Ryan stopped and looked at me. Goddamn it, I had tears in my eyes didn't I? "I DO fancy her and act like a dick whenever she's around." Sighing I pushed myself away from the door. Grateful for the sudden hug I found myself in. "I'm not a thief though... no idea what's going on with that."_

_Settling down for a bit, it was nice to just have Ryan around as company, and I realised it was actually really nice that he'd understood why I'd legged it from the bar. Being as his mind, hands and lips were otherwise occupied with some blonde. We chatted about the situation, he trying to get me to move corridor and me refusing to. Stubborn as a mule I was. Something I shared with my dad. Then he tried to get me to report the dick for what he'd said, but as I rationalised, everyone'd had a few drinks, so he'd just get away with it. Best to just ignore him. It was Friday tomorrow anyway. He was going home for the weekend. Things'd blow over by Monday._

_Sitting shoulder to shoulder on my bed, Ry picked up my guitar and started softly playing, the gentle melody soothing me. Then he picked up the scribbling I'd been doing before the verbal sparring outside. He stared at it for a while, before playing the tune I'd written on my guitar, playing it again a little more confidently the second time and softly humming the lyrics I'd written. Stopping playing, he gently placed my guitar on the floor and looked at me, left hand holding the page._

"_This is pretty damned good you know Sian" He eyed me with a new respect, a little grin on his face. "Sad when you read it, but pretty damned good." Then he grinned. "Can I steal this for the band?" I smiled gently, my eyes droopy from the alcohol and the adrenaline from the earlier confrontation wearing off. God I felt exhausted._

_Standing up and folding the page carefully before placing it in his pocket and still cheekily smiling, he pulled me to my feet into another hug. "Me mam'd kill me if I didn't try to defend you you know, or at least give you a hug." I smiled into his shoulder. Grateful for the support. "And hey, plus point here, Sophie's not dating Sonic."_

"_Yeah, give your mum a big thank you for bringing you up a gentleman eh?" Feeling him laugh and then offer to take me home with him and Ben for the weekend, I smiled. He really was a sweet lad under the occasional moodiness. I refused his kind offer and let him out of my room. Looking around the corridor, all the doors were shut. Thankfully. Hopefully people would forget things by Monday._

_Watching Ryan as he jogged down the stairs with a "See you Sunday night, text me or Ben if you need us." I leaned against my doorframe, enjoying the cooling breeze on the corridor until I heard a noise._

_No, not THAT type of noise, though god knows where Ches and Katy were._

_It was someone sobbing._

_Cocking my head slightly to make out the noise, I gently creeped into the corridor to find its location. I found it pretty quickly. The room opposite mine. Sophie. Oh shit, I'd made her cry. Now what was I supposed to say to her?_

_Regretting my decision to knock Ry back on his offer, I grabbed my mug and crept down the corridor and checked the fridge again, remembering some of my stuff had been missing earlier. Putting some milk in my cup, I looked at the shelves. Yup, some of food had gone. Awesome. Now some robbing fucker was stealing on the corridor and Lee had decided to blame me. Thick bastard had put two and two together and made five. Slightly weird Scouse/Manc accent and an LFC supporter, yeah must be a thief eh? Jeez how had he got into uni with that intellect. Snorting with disgust, I padded back down the corridor, stopping in the area between mine and Sophie's room. Nothing, it had gone quiet. Hopefully she'd gone to sleep. And after tomorrow, the corridor would be mine for a whole weekend being as everyone else was going home._

_I settled into bed with a mug of fresh tea and closed my eyes. Tomorrow was just another day to get through._


	6. Chapter 6

**Authors note**: Italic writing is memories ok? Thanks for the reviews. They're always welcome. I know it's a sow goer so far... but it WILL start picking up soon. You'll soon discover by the way that my Sian has language as bad as mine. Thanks as always to my ever lovely proof reader.

**Authors note 2**: Sian lives in Southport not Manchester, so she has a weird mix of accent that you get from living there... (as people from that area will confirm.)

**Authors note 3**: Hopefully those of you who asked me for "something nice" will appreciate this. lol

**_x_****_-0-x_**

_I'm going to be honest here, my day wasn't actually too bad. Ryan had obviously told Ben what had happened last night, and between him wanting to kill Lee and be violently sick as he got over his hangover, he kept me busy and my mind off anything Sophie shaped. The day flew, really flew. Most of the campus seemed to be headed home, probably run out of clean clothes and needed them washing. Another joy of being me and having parents like mine. I really was self sufficient._

_No one seemed to be around after lunch time and after seeing Ryan and Ben safely on their way (complete with sarcastic 'give me three rings when you get there' comment and a promise to ring if I needed them), I'd headed to my room for a quick change and a fast run through the gorgeous scenery to blow away the cobwebs. The whole weekend to myself. My bosses had rung me and told me I wasn't needed on Saturday and only possibly needed on Sunday, so I could just chill. Awesome._

_Finishing my run with some stretches, I headed for my room for a drink, a shower and then a trip out into Lancaster I reckoned. And in that order. Feeling great at knowing I didn't have to be on guard for a few days, I headed down the corridor and into the kitchen for a glass of milk._

_Stopping when I realised I wasn't alone on the corridor after all._

_Sitting at the kitchen table, eyes red from crying was Sophie._

_Oh shit. Now what?_

_I blinked and stopped mid stride. Sophie just sat there hunched over, looking pathetic. Shit, what do I do? I shuffled uncertainly. I know what I wanted to do, but the look on her face was not really welcoming. So, I basically said the most stupid fucking thing you can possibly ever think of..._

"Hang on."

I stopped talking, letting Claire ask her questions. Checking my watch, I was surprised to see it was only lunchtime, Claire's early morning call a few hours and several cuppas ago now. Taking the chance to use my phone while she'd gone to 'powder her nose'. I rattled off a quick text to Dan, telling him yes I was fine, and yes, I was having my 'chat' with Claire.

Lost adrift in my own thoughts, I missed Claire settling back in place and relaxing back, startled by her "so what then? Worse thing ever." She drummed her fingers on the table. "You asked her for a shag?"

"NO!" I blurted out a little too loud, obviously offending the nosy brunette on the next table who I'd noticed had been listening in to our conversation. Glowering at the spiky haired eavesdropper, I snarled out a "yes?" before she ducked her head, bright red at being caught out.

"Well, what then?" Claire sat back smiling at my glowering face. "Ah come on now Sian, I'm finding things out about you I never knew." She paused. "Like how utterly useless you are with women."

Throwing a sachet of sugar at her head and laughing at her sticking out her tongue, I carried on with my epic.

"_Y-you ok?" I looked at the girl, red eyed, hunched over and looking pretty fucking miserable. She just sat and looked at me for a short time. The silence in the room (and the tension) palpable between us. I wanted to hug the girl, really I did. Like Ryan, I was a big believer in hugs when people were upset, but poor Sophie probably thought I hated her aft-..._

"_What's it matter to you Sian? You fucking hate me too." And with that the brunette stood up abruptly, the chair scraping across the kitchen lino. "You've made it obvious". Storming off, I heard her door open and slam shut and then the pitiful sobbing noises started again._

_I stood there, not really knowing what to do. I'd fucked up somewhere. Not having the spine to stand up to Lee and actually be friends with Sophie, but then again, I'd thought they were a couple right? What to do to fix it? It was obvious I wasn't going to get my peaceful weekend to myself, but I had (possibly) a weekend with Sophie. Blimey. I blinked for a minute before moving for the fridge. Right, well, being as a hug was out, then I'd sort out the next best thing. Sourcing out my supplies, pleased with what I'd found, I turned the stove on and set to work._

_Once my concoction was bubbling away nicely, I ran back to my room and grabbed a mug, a notepad and pen and my keys. Locking my door behind me._

_Checking the saucepan and realising I had a couple of minutes, I scribbled out a note. Nothing fancy, just a little bit of the truth being as my stupid head and tongue didn't seem to want to cooperate with her around. Checking over what I'd written ('Sophie, I always find hot chocolate makes me feel better when I'm down. I've gone out for a bit. Return the mug when you like, S') I nodded. Yeah, that was cool, and truthful. Hot chocolate DID make me feel better, I was guessing it was similar for her. Especially the type I was now pouring into my mug. The home made stuff, not that packet type rubbish. Putting the mug on the floor outside the door, and then slipping the note under the door, I left for the shops. I'd needed to go anyway, now I had an excuse to try and buy some stuff to maybe cook for Sophie. I smiled. Maybe this was the way to fix things and see if we could be friends._

**_x-0-x_**

_It hadn't taken me long. An hour or so later and laden down with Tesco bags, I dragged them back to my room, wincing at the ache in my biceps. Jesus, it was worse than going the gym sometimes. I checked Sophies door. Yup the mug had gone. Hopefully I hadn't poisoned her. Knowing my luck, I probably had. Securing my supplies in my cupboard (I'd bought a lock with me now for the cupboard at least.) I trotted back to my room; glad to be able to finally take that shower I'd wanted a couple of hours ago._

_Freshened up and smelling a hell of a lot sweeter, I'd jammed my door open slightly as I ate a sandwich from the pile on the plate next to me, head bobbing to some music I had on low. The noise of the door opposite mine opening making me glance briefly in that direction. A gentle knock sounded on my door and a dark head hesitantly emerged through the gap. The red rimmed eyes looking slightly less puffy, the hair a little less unkempt._

"_Hi" I ventured, gesturing at my room, "come in Sophie"._

_She pushed the door open and slowly walked in to my room. Invading my personal space I guess. Brandishing the cup out at me like a weapon and with a "I've brought your cup back. Thanks" she stood still in the middle of my (thankfully) tidy room. I shuffled to the edge of the bed and stood up, taking the cup from the extended arm, which gave her a nice amount of personal space I knew not to invade. She was giving off the 'don't come the fuck near me' vibes in abundance._

"_S'alright. Anytime. I'm erm, I err..." Enough with this stammering shit Sian! I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for asking a stupid question earlier." Placing the cup next to its mate on my shelf and turning around, I leaned gently against the desk. My back to the window, placing Sophie into a mixture of light and dark. The shadows playing across the planes of her face as she looked round my room. She slowly turned looking at the nick nacks on the shelves, my posters and flag on the wall. A little smile breaking out at the childish poster of Gerrard I had lurking in there._

"_LFC?" She turned to me and smiled in that thick Mancunian accent. "Liverpool?" Her accent elongating the name._

"_Yeah, guess you and I should hate each other eh?" I watched the smile widen slightly._

"_Nahhhhh. I support City. Me dad supports Weatherfield, but I always liked the blue shirts City wear." I laughed quietly. Football talk; the equivalent of asking about the weather. Neutral talk that relaxed me, I could do this, and looking at Sophie it seemed to relax her too. I watched her eyes fall to the mountain of sandwiches on the bed. Her eyebrow raising slightly at the amount I had on there. Hey, what can I say, running makes me hungry._

_Pushing myself away from the window and walking behind her, I reclaimed my place on my bed, sitting cross legged, gesturing at the empty space on the other side of the plate._

"_Want to join me? I'm sure we can just about manage to make them stretch to two people." Looking at her face when I asked, I saw the hope flicker across those eyes, followed by something I couldn't figure out. Fear? Hope? She turned and went to the door._

_What? What? I'd been nice hadn't I? She was going to just piss off? (Although there was a small part of me laughing at the indignant part of me, sticking its tongue out and blowing a raspberry. Served me right I guess.)_

_She walked out of my room, into hers and then returned in a few seconds, holding out a cold can for me. Ahh! Well, that was ok then. Looking at the can, I was surprised. Lilt? Haha! She WAS perfect. I didn't know anyone else who loved this stuff as much as me._

_Misunderstanding my staring at the can, she started to take it back off me. I grasped it closer to my body, smiling at her startled look. "No chance, I love this stuff." Popping open the can and taking a healthy swig of the sweet tasting fluid and swallowing with a big smile of satisfaction. "Man this hits the spot." Finally relaxing in the presence of the girl I fancied so damned much, the ice well and truly broken, we sat back and munched through the sandwiches._

_I'd nearly finished my final sandwich before either of us spoke again._

"_Yesterday I found out my parent's godson is actually my half brother."_

_I looked at Sophie and blinked. Blimey. That was deep shit. She was staring straight ahead as she continued, hands in her lap, gripping the hem of her shirt tight, her knuckles whitened with the grip she had._

"_My fucking dad." She gave a bitter little laugh. "He was having if off with his business partners wife. He and me mum have been godparents to Jack for two years."_

_I watched as her eyes filled with tears which then spilled over onto her cheeks. Feeling so sorry for this girl, I reached out to touch her arm, almost reaching her..._

"_DON'T". Licking her lips and just about holding it together, her command was authoritive. "Please, I need to get this out to someone." Nodding and understanding her, I moved the empty plate from between us and turned so I could see her profile._

_Wiping her face with her sleeve, she continued. Telling me about how this little boy had been such a delight and they'd all loved him. Then his mother had decided to leave. And all hell had broken loose. Baby Jacks father had tried to stop her taking him with her and she'd dropped the bombshell he was the father in name only. Then as she packed and left, she walked out into the street and was knocked over and killed. The baby miraculously surviving but needed a blood transfusion. Sophie's dad finally coming forward when it was revealed the baby had a rare blood group._

_And he was the perfect match._

_And he'd known it all along. For two long years. The absolute rat bastard._

_I watched her shoulders slump as the tears finally became too much for her to carry on. Not knowing what to do and half expecting a slap, I put an arm around her shoulders, gently tugging her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around herself and snuggled into me. Slowly relaxing and wrapping her arms around my shoulders, the wracking sobs become softer, with a few hiccups thrown in as she tried to talk, telling me her mum had kicked him out and they were headed for divorce._

_Gently ruffling her hair and murmuring rubbish to help calm her, I hated myself. I mean, let's be honest here. I was holding the girl I fancied rotten but in the shittiest circumstance, and I was still enjoying holding her. More than i had done any of my past girlfriends actually. Not that there'd ever been a long list. Sighing as she nuzzled into my shoulder, obviously just wanting human contact, I decided to tell her some stuff about my family. And me._

"_My mum and dad split up when I was 13..." I told her everything. Well, within reason. No tears from me, I was too old and cynical about it all now, but the divorce stuff and the shock and horror? Oh, I knew all about that in spades. Just sitting there, telling her I really did understand how she felt. Maybe not the half brother bit, but the hurt and betrayal bit. Sure._

_We spent a couple of hours just sitting like that. Talking and snuggled up. Watching the day change to night in the window._

"_So, do your parents know about you being gay?" The question stirred me from my half asleep state._

"_Errr, well..." I coughed and sat up a little, I'd not actually confirmed I WAS gay, but I guess I wasn't about to hide it. "Well, my dad hates me and has disowned me totally. That cup..." I flipped a hand in the direction where the broken cup forlornly sat, "..was just about the last thing he bought me before he called me a dirty little cow." I paused. "S'why I was a little annoyed at it being broken. Sorry" I felt Sophie stir a little, to get more comfortable as I continued. "My mum's..." my voice tailed off, how to explain the wonder of my mother? "She's what you call self centred." Yeah, that summed it up I guess. "She's more interested in her business and toy boy than me." I shrugged. "I'm used to it..."_

"And THEN you shagged her?" Claire really pushing her luck by now. Rolling my eyes at her and swatting away her hand where she was pinching me, I growled at her.

"No! What do you take me for? The girl was heartbroken over her dick of a dad." Throwing another sachet of sugar at her. "For fucks sake, you're obsessed with my sex life. It's unhealthy." Smiling at Claire's antics, I told her about how we'd said a strange goodnight without actually saying it.

Sophie'd woke me up at some ungodly hour of the morning. The playlist on my iPod long finished and both of us still slumped where we'd been earlier, still snuggled sitting upright. Whispering a 'thanks and goodnight' she'd crept out of my room and left. No plans for the free day we both had on the Saturday as much as I'd loved to have offered to do something.

We'd shared a surprisingly intimate moment. Claire nodded, understanding how it worked. Well, for me.

"So, you backed off then you moron?" I nodded.

"Basically yeah. I mean, she was a mess and I wasn't much better, and THAT sort of thing wouldn't have been right. Not for me. And let's not forget here. She's the spineless fucking bitch in all this."

Claire blinked. "See, you keep saying that, but you smile when you talk about her Sian." Checking her watch she stood up. "One last coffee and then I have to go, BUT you WILL tell me the rest of this tale of woe understand?" And off she went to the counter for one more coffee.

Sitting back one last time, I added three sugars to many coffee, ignoring the 'yuck' sounds I was getting from across the table. Taking a long sip of the gorgeous coffee, I met Claire's eye.

_I'd just come in from my early morning run and walked up the stairs to find Sophie sitting at the top of them, mobile in hand, crying..._


	7. Chapter 7

**Authors note**: Italic writing is memories ok? Thanks for the reviews. They're always welcome. I know it's a sow goer so far... but it WILL start picking up soon. You'll soon discover by the way that my Sian has language as bad as mine. Thanks as always to my ever lovely proof reader.

**Authors note 2**: Sian lives in Southport not Manchester, so she has a weird mix of accent that you get from living there... (as people from that area will confirm.)

**Authors note 3**: The ride described at Blackpool Pleasure Beach DOES exist ;)

**_x-0-x_**

_I stopped at the bottom of the flight of stairs, looking up. Even red eyed with a dribbly nose and blotchy skin she was achingly beautiful. She was leaning against the wall, arms wrapped around her knees clutching the phone in her hand._

_Approaching her carefully, I smiled gently, slowly climbing the stairs until I was on the step in front of her. Kneeling down so she could see me, I gently reached out for her hand, patting it._

"_Hey hey" She blinked and wiped her nose with her sleeve again. Sniffing, she looked at me._

"_Hi. Sorry, just spoke to me dad. He kept apologising. I told him I hate him and never want to see him again." I nodded, understanding her anger. Rubbing her knuckles in small movements, I told her I understood, to be met with anger and some venom spat at me._

"_How the hell can you understand? You don't even know me". She snarled at me. I just patted her hand and standing up, moved to sit next to her._

"_Understand the 'half brother stuff?' Nope, I've no chance of that, but I can try. Understand the whole 'my dad's a cheating bastard?' Yup, I've got a pretty good idea on that." Resting my arms on my knees I looked at her sideways and carried on pushing my luck. "At least both your parents love you." Meeting her angry glare I carried on, feeling slightly emboldened by my luck with her so far. "You don't hate your dad, you're angry, when you calm down, you'll call him." Shrugging at her shocked expression, I let her know I'd heard some of the nasty comments said about me. "Not bad for a thick 'Scouser' eh?" Standing up and dusting the back of my shorts, I placed my hand on her shoulder lightly, to sort of show her I wasn't really angry over the wrong facts I'd revealed I'd heard said about me. Well, not at her. It went with territory of dealing with bigots like Lee. Disappointed she hadn't stuck up for me maybe, but then again, I'd acted aloof and cold at her to try and cope with my feelings. I went for my shower, wrinkling my nose when I realised how badly I smelled from my run._

_Hearing a knocking at my door as I towelled myself dry I wrapped my gown around myself and padded over to open the door to Sophie, I mean who else would it be? Sure enough, a slightly less angry version of the brunette was standing on my door step. Her eyes widened when she saw my state of undress. I watched her eyes widen slightly, gentle settle on where I hadn't closed the gown fully, exposing some skin. With a determined stare right at a point over my right shoulder and pink blush rising up her neck and cheeks, I accepted her apology for being 'an ungracious git' (her words) and watched amused as she scuttled back to her room with one backward glance at me, the blush covering her cheeks fully by now._

_Closing my door and getting dressed quickly, I sat down on my bed thinking about Sophie's actions. It was fair to say the interest from me wasn't totally one sided surely? She seemed relaxed enough in my company the previous night to fall asleep snuggled up to me. Unless I was mistaking her actions... but... no. Surely that look up and down my robe clad body and her gaze looking quite pointedly at my chest, then anywhere but there... that's how I was with girls I fancied. Or just plain clumsy._

_Tying my hair into a loose ponytail, I thought about it._

_Nahhhh... Surely? I couldn't actually be THAT lucky could I? Grabbing my phone I sent a quick text to Ben and Ryan, letting them know I was still alive and enjoying my weekend. Grabbing my wallet and acting impetuous for once, I grabbed a jumper and my keys and found myself knocking on Sophie's door. With a simple "going out for a drive, wanna come?" I found myself driving down the motorway, no particular place in mind to go, just wanting to get out for a bit._

_Initially thinking of heading for the beach back home, I spotted a destination sign on the motorway as Sophie chose some music on my iPod. The sign making my mind up for me. I'd been paid, why not? I reckoned Sophie needed a bit of fun, and if it meant time spent together, that could only be good right? Casting a quick glance at my travelling companion as we sang along to Pink, I pondered the strange turn our... .what? friendship? Relationship? Our 'whatever' anyway, had taken over the past 24 hours. Nothing was said about what Lee had said on the Thursday. About me being clumsy around her because I fancied her. She'd seemed ok enough about me being gay to fall asleep on me and stare at my chest. I mentally shrugged, I'd just go with the flow I guessed._

_Sophie looked at me as I indicated to take the exit I wanted, asking me where we were going, and then laughing when I pointed to the destination sign. Blackpool. Gay capital of the North, and more importantly, home to arcades and a huge fun fair._

_Half an hour later and we were eating chips, walking down the prom, just enjoying each others company. Sophie, I'd discovered had a wicked sense of humour and was a natural mimic. Sitting on a bench eating our amazingly unhealthy lunch and trying not to share it with the seagulls, she added conversations for every person who walked past. From arguments to declarations of love, she had us laughing for an hour. Even the dogs walking past had conversations added in._

_Wasting some money killing all manner of aliens and bad guys in the arcades we'd eventually ended up in the fair, wandering around after buying ride tokens. Laughing after going on most of the scary rides, we'd ended up by the Avalanche. Raising an eyebrow at Sophie's look of delight at the ride and her "I've never been on this one." Grabbing my hand, she dragged me into the queue and fifteen minutes later we found ourselves waiting for the next ride._

_I looked at the ride with more than a little trepidation... it was based on a bobsleigh ride. Each carriage in the chain sitting two people. Snugly. REALLY snugly. Like, the person in the front sits between the legs of the person behind them. I gulped a little. Uh oh. The ride had pulled up, the laughing passengers exiting the opposite side to us, leaving the carriages empty._

"_Come on slowcoach!"_

_I blinked and looked at the carriage, Sophie'd sat herself in the front, leaving me just enough room behind her. Flickering my eyes between her and the gap, I managed to squeeze myself in, placing my knees either side of her hips as she sat in front of me. Grabbing the hand rails on the inside of the carriage with a death grip as she shuffled back closer to me, her entire back resting lightly against me. Oh Jesus. She was trying to kill me wasn't she? My bloody hands, totally by themselves took a firm hold around her waist as she totally relaxed back as the ride started, the carriages dragged up the sharp incline to the top. Her head leaning back close to the left side of my face, I saw her smile gently, her eyes closed. Feeling my pulse beating in my ears...and...err... well... OTHER parts of me... I wondered if she possible was enjoying this closeness as much as me. Casting one more glance at her before the ride plunged making everyone scream, I dared to hope she wasn't as straight as Lee would like her to be..._

_The ride was fast... too fast and full of twists and turns and one extremely bright flash in our faces. The speed allowing me to take a firm grip on Sophie's middle as she screamed in delight, both of us laughing as the ride finished._

_Using my thigh to help push herself up from her seat and then offering me a hand to get out, we left the ride and headed through the inevitable shop to exit and start making our way back to the car. I was still thinking about the feeling of holding Sophie and how damned perfect she fit against me when I walked into the back of her._

"_Ow!"_

_She smiled as I grumbled slightly, "look, that was the flash". I looked at the video wall she'd pointed at, and a brilliant photograph of the pair of us. Laughing and looking so damned happy. My arms wrapped around Sophie, her cheek next to mine, both of us looking so... alive. I caught my breath for a minute. Biased though I might seem, we looked so good together. I stole a glance at Sophie's face. She had a weird unreadable expression on her face, a little half smile tugging at one corner of her mouth. I impulsively walked to the counter and ordered two copies. The server only keeping us waiting a few minutes, handing us the photos with a "cute couple" comment and a wink and then we were on our way again, headed back to the car and back to Lancaster._

_There was silence in the car on the way home, other than Sophie thanking me for a nice few hours out. Every now and then I would look at her and see her looking at her copy of our photo. It was a peaceful silence we had in the car, a content silence. Only broken by Sophie telling me she'd cook my tea as a thank you as I was parking my car close to the college. Following her up the stairs, I stopped when we got to our corridor, shoving my keys in the lock to my door and turning around at the sound of my name._

"_Sian, I'll just get some stuff and make us that dinner" smiling she approached me she put her arms around me, resting her head on my shoulder. "Thanks for today, it was sweet, and just what I needed."_

_I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, relishing in the feel of her body against mine again. Pulling slightly back from our hug, she placed her hands flat on the front of my shoulders, looking at me strangely. We were pretty much the same height, I had maybe an inch on her so could look slightly down at her. We stayed like that for an eternity. She seemed to be thinking something over, and I wasn't going to push her. Searching my eyes for what felt like a decade she closed in on my face, breathing the same air, our lips almost touching. If I'd moved, we'd have kissed._

_I didn't need to move._

_She moved that last tiny distance and then I got to feel what those soft lips felt like on mine._

_I think I died, literally. They were heaven. Remembering to join in, I let her set the pace before nibbling at her bottom lip. I swear things were getting hotter between us in the corridor. I'd not moved my hands, frightened to move them, frightened to scare her off, I just stayed still, letting her lead the dance between us. Well, except for my lips. They were happy to do anything she asked. One of us groaned, I think it was me, it could have been Sophie, I didn't care. We were kissing, she was kissing me and the building could have fallen down around my ears and I wouldn't have cared or noticed._

_Sophie's hand had moved and wrapped itself in my hair, and my hands, not obeying any command I was trying to give them, had moved to cup her face, relishing being able to touch her and touch her THIS way. A few weeks of pent up frustration finally unleashed, and Jesus she was into this. She had to be the way she was kissing me._

_Then._

_She was gone. Backed right off and my hands were left scrabbling for where she'd been a millisecond earlier. Completely wrong footed and not knowing what had just happened, I stared at Sophie, leaning on her door, breathing heavily, flushed from what we'd just done. I was just about to follow her when I heard the reason she'd broken off, noises on the stairs and then..._

"_Hey guys"_

_Ches and Katy._

_Fucking brilliant._

_They stood there for a minute, before Ches smiled his goofy smile and walked past mumbling something about not having privacy at home and going to his room. Katy stood still, looking from me to Sophie and back again a few times._

"_You ok guys? We couldn't get any 'us' time at home, came back early you know?" She smiled hesitantly between us. She must have known SOMETHING had gone on. Both of us were breathing heavy and flushed and the atmosphere was pregnant with expectancy._

_Still looking between us like a tennis umpire, she moved a step forward... "Soph... you ok?"_

_Sophie tore herself away from the gaze we'd had going on ._

"_Yeah, fine, laters"._

_And with that, she'd gone, door opened and closed, no, slammed on me and Katy._

_I stood there, no really knowing what to do. Looking at Katy, I tried to talk, but nothing came out, I just squeaked, pointed at Sophie's door and walked in to my room, shutting my door behind me and sliding to the floor in a graceless heap._

_What the hell had just happened?_


	8. Chapter 8

**Authors note**: Italic writing is memories ok? Thanks for the reviews. They're always welcome. I know it's a sow goer so far... but it WILL start picking up soon. You'll soon discover by the way that my Sian has language as bad as mine. Thanks as always to my ever lovely proof reader.

**Authors note 2**: Sian lives in Southport not Manchester, so she has a weird mix of accent that you get from living there... (as people from that area will confirm.)

**x-0-x**

I'd wandered around a little after leaving the coffee house with Claire, letting her go pick her kids up. After finishing telling her about our first kiss we'd both sat there in silence, Claire's face a picture of emotions. Amusement through to annoyance at how I was treated.

"So, that's the reason you hate her then?"

I'd given a bitter little laugh at that with a "Seriously? You think I'd be this pissed for that?" Giving a sad smile at Claire's "no but I hoped that's all it was". Knowing she was intelligent enough to know you don't leave or get pushed to leave uni for something as small as that.

Giving me a hug before she went to her car, she rubbed my back in a motherly way. Reassuring me with a "ring me later if you need to talk. I KNOW you Sian, you'll sit and dwell on it. You'll tell me the rest soon ok?" I'd nodded and said my goodbyes. Letting her go.

My restless nature making me wander around the shops, not looking for anything in particular, just a way out of going home and dwelling I guessed. Claire was right, she DID know me. Smiling to myself, I decided to stop being a coward and go home and stop thinking about HER.

Dragging my feet no more, I headed home, resolving to get up tomorrow and move on, go to the gym, work it out of my system. Work HER out of my system. Feeling my phone buzz in my pocket, I waited until I'd got home before checking the ID. Opening my flat door and dropping the mail from my mail box and my keys on the little table in my hall, I laughed when I saw the reply from Dan.

"**Nice one, she'll make you feel like you've gone ten rounds with David Haye mate, talk later. Ring me if you need me OK? Even just for a boxing session."**

Hmmmm. That was tempting actually. Sending him a reply asking for a boxing training session tomorrow, I paused over the phone book section on my phone after sending it. Spying a name there I'd not used for a few weeks. Not out of ignorance, just simply busy lives.

Standing still for a minute, I made a decision and rattled off a new text.

"**Hi Ben, hows things over there? I'm a fully fledged copper as of yesterday. Yay. And guess who I bumped into in the Village? S x"**

Knowing I wouldn't get any reply for a few hours, I settled my phone down and browsed through my fridge, finally settling on a pile of sandwiches to eat. I was nothing if not a creature of habit. Grabbing a beer from the fridge and my plate I headed for my living room, planning on slobbing out and just doing nothing. I caught sight of my bedroom as I walked from the kitchen and stopped. My memories box was still out from where I'd left it last night. Decision made, I took my dinner and beer into my bed room and placed them on my bedside table, getting myself comfortable on my bed.

The letters, ticket stubs and photos from my past were still over my bed from where I'd left them when I'd fallen asleep. Not just Sophie related stuff in there, but a decent amount. Rooting around in the bottom of the box, I pulled out my copy of the photo from the fair that day nearly three years ago. Looking at it for a few minutes, the memories came back. The smell of Sophie's hair, the feel of her cheek against mine, the way the muscles in her stomach moved under my hands as she laughed.

The whisper soft touch of those lips on mine as we kissed.

Closure Claire had said. I needed closure.

She was right. I'd never had it, never had the chance after all the shit had hit the fan. Never dealt with it. Boxed it off and listed it under "another shit chapter in my life" in my head and that had been that. Never really had the chance to front Sophie up and tell her how miserable that last month had been, with the stares and the whisperings. Whispers not even behind my back at times.

Thinking about it now, did I even need this closure? It was two and a half years later...and yeah I'm sitting here looking at a photo of us after seeing her for fifteen minutes. Damn Claire and her bloody all knowing, all seeing personality.

Grabbing my phone, I dialled her, waiting for her to pick up before I unleashed my annoyance.

"I fucking hate you Sarge."

She laughed. "Hello petal, I love you too, what's the matter?" Grumbling at her about how she was right and I needed stupid closure and how I hated her for her love of chat shows and amateur psychology. "You want to talk?" I smiled at how great a friend she really was, considering I'd taken up most of her day. Refusing her offer and grumbling some more at her to make her laugh, I hung up, telling her I'd talk to her in work and thanking her again.

Slurping from my cup and munching on a sandwich, I thought of poor Katy. She hadn't really been a bad person and had tried on a few occasions to sort things out between us. Even Ches hadn't really hated me. He'd just bumbled through his course, goofy grin on his face that he'd got so lucky at 'bagging Katy' as she'd heard him say once, before Katy had cuffed him round his head.

"_Sian, Sian, you OK?" I'd ignored her. Poor Katy. Coming back into an atmosphere she surely wasn't expecting. Ignoring her knocking on my door and then listening to her knocking on Sophie's door, with a similar response by the sound of it. Hearing her sigh, I imagined she was stood in the middle of the corridor looking confused, but I wasn't going to move. No way. Sophie'd kissed me. I'd made no move on her, she was the one who'd made the first move and known what she'd damn well wanted until other people walked in._

_I picked at the carpet fibres. Grumbling. She'd been pretty damned good at it too. Sighing and eventually deciding that sitting here was not going to get me anywhere. I stood up and got on with it. What else could I do? It's what I'd done all my life so far. Get knocked down, pick yourself up and get on with it._

_Waiting for a while until it sounded like things had settled out there, I grabbed a coat instead of my jumper and went into Lancaster, ending up in the coffee house where I worked just to stay out of the way and not to think. Chatting to to my lovely bosses for a while helped make me feel more human, until I was forced to head back to the digs. Trudging back upstairs, I snuck back into my room without having to talk to anyone. The corridor was scarily quiet, I guessed they'd all gone out. Good, they could leave me to my confusion and misery. Climbing into bed, and with nothing else left to do for the day, I just switched off and went to sleep. What a difference a day makes yeah? Twenty four hours ago I was snuggled up with the girl I fancied and now...well, now kissing me was horrific enough to make her run off. Screw this. I switched my lights off and went to sleep._

**_x-0-x_**

_I was woken the next day by my alarm. Jesus, that almost never happened. I was, annoyingly, an early riser by nature. One sad side effect of having as many part time jobs as I'd had was being up early for paper rounds amongst other things. I never normally needed an alarm, my body that used to early starts. God I must have just passed out._

_Stretching like a cat and feeling surprisingly refreshed considering, I decided to go for a run. Ben and Ry were back later and I knew Ben would make me swim with him the next week, so, today was my time to lose myself in a long run. Quick shower, running gear on and my iPod ready, I grabbed my keys and was just about to leave my room when I spotted a piece of paper that must have been pushed under my door. Raising an eyebrow, I picked it up and opened it._

"_**Sian, I hope you're OK. We really need to talk. Katy."**_

_Eyebrow raising that little bit further, I guessed I needed to apologise to the girl for ignoring her knocking on my door last night. I placed the note on my bed and left my room just in time to see Lee leaning on the door frame to Sophie's room, the door ajar and Sophie leaning on the opposite side. I cast a quick glance at her, at her body language. Arms crossed over her chest, pretty defensive. Didn't look like she was that interested in the idiot opposite her that much. Mind you the way her eyes dropped to the floor when she saw me didn't exactly inspire me with hope either. Then the arsehole started to speak. I rolled my eyes at his latest lame attempt to wind me up._

"_Oooo look Soph, it's your lesbi-friend wanna be." Laughing at his own joke, he carried on "funny how my stuff goes missing when she's around isn't it?" I frowned, Sophie stayed quiet._

"_Hang on a minute Sonic" he blinked in surprise. I don't think I'd had a proper go back at him yet with both of us sober. "My foods gone missing here too you know, stop blaming me. Probably just misunderstandings between people you dick."_

_He pushed his body away from the door frame using his height to try and intimidate me, the prick. Like that was going to work or I was going to let him see it if he managed._

"_How's the stammer and clumsiness around Soph then?" He smiled like a shark at me, "you told how much you luuuurrrve her yet?" He drew the word out and I didn't know what to do. I didn't love her, but he was right, I fancied her like crazy. And found out I'd really liked her until yesterdays happenings. Still fancied her dammit. Still liked the glimpses of the woman I saw yesterday, having fun and just being relaxed. Looking at her avoiding my eyes, I got pissed off and nasty. Backed into a corner and faced with the spiky haired divvy in front of me, I lied. So? Sue me, you would have too._

"_Love her?" I looked at Sophie, she still wouldn't meet my eyes, I snorted in mock disgust, hating myself but needing to put down a marker. Show Lee I wasn't about to take his shit any more. And Sophie's games. "I can't stand her any more than I can stand you mate." I watched Sophie's eyes look up at me. Finally. And with a strangled sob, she slammed her door shut on us. Shrugging, I carried on lashing out, ignoring the "Sian" I heard from Katy, who'd come out to see what the raised voices were about. "Basically Lee, if either of you were on fire, I'd walk around you to make you suffer that little bit more." I smiled sweetly at him. "Alright duck?"_

_Locking my door and placing my earphones in to block out Katy calling out my name, I ran down the stairs and headed out, not even warming up. My coach would have a fit at me for that, but I really didn't care. I just ran. As that 80's song says. I ran so far away. Sadly for me, unlike the singer in the song, I had to come back._

_I'd been gone for an hour and a half. Running, just running away from everything. The look on Sophie's face. Ah shit. What had I done? Then the angry part of me stood up to fight. Well, she'd just stood there. Kisses me senseless one minute and then legs it crying and won't talk to me. I was so busy arguing with myself as I headed across the campus I didn't see or hear the angry brunette headed my way, not until it was too late and I was floored by a very pissed of Katy. She'd rugby tackled me to the ground and as strong as I was, she wasn't going to let me go, grabbing my hair and hanging onto me for grim bloody death._

_Finally running out of the little strength I had left, I just lay there. I was knackered. All my energy spent running the feel of Sophie in my arms out of my head. Well, until I'd just thought of her. Again. Epic fail by Powers then. Katy stopped trying to kill me and let me go. Sitting on the grass next to me. She waited for me. Looking at her I finally decided to speak._

"_What?"_

_Rolling her eyes at me she sighed. "You really are an idiot aren't you Sian?"_

_Sitting up I shrugged. "Sure, staying on a corridor with people who hate me for being gay and being from Southport? For thinking Sophie actually liked me?" I looked at her, challenging her. "Yup, must be mad." She was still glaring at me. No, looking at her from the corner of my eye, she wasn't glaring. She looked...disappointed? What the hell had I done to add her to my list of people I'd disappointed? Her staring bugged me, so I asked._

"_You like Sophie as much as you like Lee?" The glare was actually back by now. "Are you actually THAT stupid?" I'd started to interrupt, telling her that yeah, actually, I must have been because I'd thought Sophie'd liked me back. I'd not got far when she'd cut me off._

"_Shut Up Sian."_

_I did. Angry Katy was not a woman to mess with. She had a serious stare on her._

"_She doesn't hate you, although God knows why after you said that. She likes you." I snorted in amusement. "She does!" I looked at Katy. She was being sincere wasn't she? She knew..._

"_Christ you ARE an idiot. She's always liked you, but here's the thing Sian, she's confused and she's scared." I made to interrupt, but a hand was held up stopping me talking. "I know because eventually she told me last night, YOU'D have known if you'd answered your door you idiot." Closing my eyes I realised._

_I was an idiot. Katy wasn't about to let me off the hook though. "She's never liked a girl like she does you, and then you were all so lovely, with the sandwiches and the trip out and the cuddling...and the..." she paused. Had she seen..? "...and the REALLY hot kissing..." Oh boy she had. Opening one eye and looking at her, I was relieved to see the glower had gone. Replaced with a look of exasperation at me. Affectionate almost."She freaked a little, she's scared you idiot."_

_I groaned and lay back on the grass. I'd blown it. It was OK for me, confident in who I was, I'd forgotten what it was like for people who were just finding these feelings out._

"_God, I'm a dick."_

"_Yes you are" came the amused reply. I turned my head to see her resting, relaxed next to me on the grass, head turned to look straight back at me. "Luckily for you, I happen to think you look cute together."_

_I'd felt a flicker of hope at her words._

"_I have a plan for you."_


	9. Chapter 9

**Authors note**: Italic writing is memories ok? Thanks for the reviews. They're always welcome. I know it's a sow goer so far... but it WILL start picking up soon. You'll soon discover by the way that my Sian has language as bad as mine. Thanks as always to my ever lovely proof reader.

**Authors note 2**: Sian lives in Southport not Manchester, so she has a weird mix of accent that you get from living there... (as people from that area will confirm.)

**Authors Note 3**: The book title in this chapter really DOES exist... strange...! lol.

**x-0-x**

"_I have a plan for you."_

_And plan she did._

_She'd had it all worked out, and I knew what I was to do and where to be at certain times._

_I'd spent the rest of the day thanking Katy for being as nice as she was and then meeting Ben and Ry when they'd returned, telling them what had gone on. Both of my friends wanting to give Lee a smack, but stopping ranting when I asked them nicely. (OK, threatened them). There was some serious piss taking over the kissing. ("Tongues?" "Fuck off Ryan" "Yeah, there was tongues" "FUCK OFF Ryan") And just some nice support from them. Which I hadn't realised that I actually needed and scarily, wanted._

_So._

_Here we are. Monday afternoon, and after Ben officially killed me and Ryan in the swimming pool (I was a good swimmer, but Christ, that lad was a fish) and a few boring lectures (sleep time) followed by some awesome exercise, I had the late afternoon off._

_Christ I was as nervous as... as... well, a really nervous person. Ben had been his usual calm sweet self all day. Making sure that I was sure over what I was going to do, and making sure it was what I wanted. Bless him, he even tried to get me to move corridors again. The only way I could get him to back off was to agree to think about moving off campus with him and Ryan in our second year. As long as this year went OK._

_Making my way to the imposing library building, I swiped my student ID to gain entrance past the librarian and headed for where Katy said she'd be, on the second floor near the back somewhere. God I hated being indoors unless I had to be. The library was fantastic if you loved the smell of books, but not so fantastic if you really didn't like having to do as much study as we did. Still, I muttered to myself, it was all a means to an end. Repeating my mantra again. Do what I had to do to get qualified. Spotting the area I was told to head towards, I was a little startled when Katy loomed out of an aisle carrying books and smiling at me._

"_Muttering to yourself Powers, never a good sign." I stopped and looked at her, scowling. "Oh stop it." She waved her hand at me, your grumpy face doesn't work on me, you're nothing compared to my dad, the king of grump." Finally smiling, Katy bumped my shoulder, nudging me towards the table where she was working. "You look better when you smile Sian. Try it on Sophie and watch her face, REALLY watch her face. Then after you have, then and only then can you tell me she's not interested."_

_A book was removed from the table and shoved into my hands, keeping her voice down in case we attracted too much attention, she continued "she's looking for that" she pointed at the book. "Needs it for her essay. Go drop into the sociology section. Casually, like you actually do study at times instead of running or swimming. Smile and try talking for Christ's sake."_

_I cast a doubting look at the petite brunette and lowered my voice to match hers. "And this will work...because...?"_

_Sighing at me, she rolled her eyes again "because I've told her that you really do like her, but you're shy" she paused, "and, as discussed earlier, a complete idiot." She smiled and patted my arm. "If this doesn't work, we'll try plan B, but I know you both like each other. That lip lock I saw you both in says it all." She placed both her hands on my shoulders, "go on, just relax and smile." She demonstrated and I had to smile in return. Tucking the book under my arm, I headed for the stairs to the third floor. Looking back at Katy once to get a 'shooo' gesture with her hands and a nod of the head in the direction of the stairs. I looked up the stairs, and taking a deep breath slowly headed up them._

_I quietly walked up the stairs, passing a few people I knew. Nodding greetings as I did. Following the signs for the sociology section wandered around the huge floor, having never really been up this high in the library. The sections I'd needed so far were on the ground floor. Checking the area I was in I spotted the sociology area, and headed towards it, less and less students surrounding me. Sociology was obviously popular._

_Slowly walking past the ends of all the aisles of books, steadily becoming more and more secluded from the rest of the library users, I finally found the aisle I needed. Well, I wasn't sure if the book belonged in the aisle, but I know I did._

_Sophie._

_Sitting on the floor, surrounded by books, some open, some not, pen in her mouth flicking through yet another book she had open on her lap._

_God she was gorgeous. I was now armed with the knowledge that Lee's brother knew her sister (apparently in the biblical way. Ew! Christ I'd felt sick at that point) which didn't help her utter fear and probably explained the dicks irrational hatred of me. I watched her grumbling at her books, scribbling away in her notepad. I'd been so inconsiderate, just expecting her to be open if she liked me. It was a shock to realise just how inconsiderate I'd been when Katy had told me. A gentle clearing of the throat drew me out of my musings, and I raised my eyes sheepishly to see I'd been caught staring._

_Sophie was looking at me with a puzzled expression, coupled with annoyance and... fear? Fear of me? I looked around and realised there was only the pair of us in that section. Katy had said very few people ever headed there and Sophie treated it like a little sanctuary. And then there was me intruding all over it. Realising I needed to break the silence, I pointed at the shelf and then tried to wave the heavy book in her direction. Just to show I wasn't some freak who hated her._

"_Just bringing this back, I've finished with it" I hefted the book up and saw the title of the book, promptly dropping it to the floor. What the fuck? Jesus, what was Katy trying to do to me? Sophie knelt forward and I knelt down, both reaching for the book at the same time. She beat me to it. Dammit, now she'd see the title. Both of us squatting down, she picked the book up, eyebrows raising when she saw the title._

"_Cunt: A Declaration of Independence by __Inga Muscio."_

_I blushed, I swear, I'd find Katy and fuck her up for setting me up like this, bitch from hell._

"_You need this book." I shuffled under her gaze as she gazed at me sceptically. I was on the verge of bolting for it and then plotting to murder Katy in as many different ways as was possible. "YOU need this book?" Her eyebrow raised even higher. "I just happen to need this book Sian." I smiled. I think it was really a grimace, and the urge to run was immense. This girl, no, this woman scared me. One kiss and I was hooked. "Do you study this subject in...sports science isn't it?"_

_Was she playing with me? Or just taking the piss? I wasn't sure, but deciding to try and get some of my cockiness back around this enigma of a woman, I bluffed it._

"_Human biology? Yeah." Managing to drag my eyes up off the floor, and with a blush rapidly heading up my cheeks, a sheepish smile broke out on my face. A proper smile this time, without any doubt that she was taking the piss out of me. Oh she was, the little smirk on her face gave it away. Gentle humour, but it was a piss take alright, with a little flirting in there. I gave her a proper smile this time, unable to stop. "Pretty good at it too." Straightening my legs out in front of me, I sat down on the floor properly, matching Sophie._

"_Oh really?" Came the reply back._

"_Yeah." I watched her face as I gave my cheeky and unusually confident reply. Her dark blue eyes twinkled with humour and dammit Katy was right. Her eyes really did give her away. I had no doubt she DID like me. But lurking in there was fear, I could see it. And Christ I should have been more considerate. Remembered the fear of people outing you. It wasn't as if I'd have to think that far back. Look how I was over Lee the prat._

"_I'm sorry." Her eyes had surprise added into them now at my apology. "I had a chat with Katy." She shuffled closer to me, sitting cross legged. "Well," I smiled ruefully, brushing my hair away from my face, "she yelled, I had no choice but to listen." Playing with a loose piece of cotton on my jeans. "I didn't know Lee knew your family and you were scared over all this." I waved my other hand around in an 'everything' gesture. "I guess I was being paranoid, after how my parents have been, you know?" I looked up through my eyelashes. Sophie looked a little... I dunno. I couldn't read her. Still, she'd not run away from me behind a closed door and sobbed. Always a bonus to my fragile ego. "And Lee was kinda half right, I DO really fancy you."_

_There I'd said it. Blurted it out._

"_I'm sorry Sian, can we start again?" I looked at her. It was her turn to pick at an imaginary piece of fluff on her leggings. "I just...you know, you're so nice, and you listened, like actually listened." I let her speak, following my orders from Katy. "No one's ever really done that much. My sister always takes over." She looked up, gave me a gentle smile. "I wasn't really sure what to do over you. Only Katy knows I like you as much as I do, and I kinda hoped you liked me a little." I gave a bashful smile, my blush returning to match hers. "Lee, is a little...possessive, but he's normally a good friend. He doesn't know I'm..." She paused and blinked, not really finishing._

"_Gay? Bi?" She looked at me smiling at me filling in the words._

"_I guess" she shrugged."It doesn't matter. I like you. A lot." This time her eyes hit the floor as we had our little confessional in the library. I looked around, still surprised no one had walked in and disturbed us. Feeling bold, I leaned in and whispered._

"_So, it's not that I'm not a bad kisser then?" I saw the grin on her face before she looked up._

"_Nahhhhhh. You're not that bad." Smiling at her, I took a chance and leaned in a little closer._

"_So... we can start again? Or carry on where we left off?" Leaning in that little bit further I held my nerve and gently kissed the corner of her lips, holding my lips there for a few seconds before rubbing her nose with mine and giving her her space again._

"_I'd like that, starting again." She leaned into me, and we kissed again. Gentle and unhurried before breaking apart after a few minutes. Sophie's head resting against mine as she moved to sit next to me. "I just want to keep it between us though until I feel strong enough."_

_I didn't care. I'd live with that for as long as it took. So secure was I in my feelings and hers._


	10. Chapter 10

**Authors note**: Italic writing is memories ok? Thanks for the reviews. They're always welcome. I know it's a sow goer so far... but it WILL start picking up soon. You'll soon discover by the way that my Sian has language as bad as mine. Thanks as always to my ever lovely proof reader.

**Authors note 2**: Sian lives in Southport not Manchester, so she has a weird mix of accent that you get from living there... (as people from that area will confirm.)

__

**x-0-x**

_And that was the way of it for the next few weeks as we headed rapidly into winter and towards December._

We'd spend our time with our respective friends. I wasn't happy with the Lee sitch, but what else could I do? Sophie wanted to keep him and her family out of things as much as possible and I was a love struck idiot. I'd pretty well have done anything for her. He thought we'd just made friends, not that that stopped him still making snide digs over food going missing. (Funnily enough none of mine had, but some of Soph's, Katy's and Ches's had and he'd taken great delight in pointing the finger at me.) Evenings not spent studying alone, with friends or at the bars were spent snuggled up together. Normally with kissing. The kissing was good. Big fan of the kissing.

We'd not gone any further yet. Not for want of wanting to or trying to every now and then on my part. Which had led to rows and slapped hands. Me sulking at Ry's or Ben's, taking my frustrations out in a run or swim or going to get drunk, and her... I dunno, whatever it was she'd do. Cry on Katy's shoulder I guess. I'd tried not to think of her crying on Lee's shoulder. I knew they'd been friends for years. She'd told me all about it one afternoon when we'd snuck off class together and ended up going for a picnic; just some 'us' time in the late afternoon. Their families seemed to expect them to just naturally be together, as did Lee, even though she'd told him he was just a friend and she'd 'sorta known' she'd liked girls for a while, but had never told anyone about it. Sprawled out on the grass, with Soph's head resting on my shoulder and simply just being together, laughing and talking and yes, kissing. God, I could never get enough of those magic lips of hers. Katy, wise thing that she was, was right. I'd have to take thing slowly with her.

Dammit I didn't want to. I wanted to go at 100 miles per hour.

Which lead to the arguments and break ups literally every week. Although the best thing about arguing was the heated make up sessions. The library had become our personal oasis, our secret place to meet in the middle of the day. Normally to make up.

The routine would always be the same. We'd argue about going too far, or sometimes Lee interfering and me biting at his nasty little comments, go to our separate rooms and then miraculously bump into each other in the most secluded part of the library. (Yes, sometimes with a kick up the arse from Katy or my mates.)

Sometimes there'd be sweet kisses, soft words and gentleness, sometimes there's still be anger left over whatever had caused us to row in the first place and I'd find myself with my back slammed into the bookshelves and hard lips attacking my neck and face until both of us were breathing heavily. Foreheads resting together.

I was convinced if I didn't explode in need of wanting to just touch this woman's skin in some way, ANYWAY. But I'd look in her eyes every now and again and see a mixture of fear and confusion and lower the intensity. Knowing she was terrified. "So far in the closet she was in Narnia" Ryan had said one time during an off day when I'd forgotten myself and got my hands under her jumper and headed quite happily for her breasts. She'd even gone home to see her family, leaving me in an even fouler mood.

I'd sat up at that from where I'd been lying on the floor in his room, listening to music and ignoring my phone bleating at me that I had texts and missed calls.

"Fuck off Ry, she's just scared." had been my standard response. I'd glared at him, knowing what was coming from the other room occupant any minute.

"There's nothing wrong with waiting for sex before marriage." Yup, there it was, Ben's regular reply. "...or commitment of course. Just be patient Sian."

I grumbled slightly, knowing weirdly they were both right. Ben, I'd found out early in our friendship, had a girlfriend back home. Both were religious and planned to stay virgins until they got married... which... I had to agree with Ryan here... was fucking weird. But still, that was his beliefs and he was so accepting and supportive of me, who was I to complain? Then there was his best mate since they were kids. I had to laugh to myself, they were so mismatched, Ry would shag any woman who had a pulse. We'd make three odd house mates next year.

The monk, the slut and the nun-but not by choice.

Picking up my phone off the floor as it buzzed again, Ben looked at it for a minute and then handed it to me. "You have missed calls and texts Sian." Wiggling the phone under my nose, I snatched it out of his grasp, grumbling again. "Check them, you know you want to. She's scared, remember how you felt." Sighing at his typical bloody wisdom as he nudged me, I opened the inbox on my phone, reading the ever more pitiful texts and feeling like a shit. Opening the last few I caught my breath slightly, dammit, I could never stay angry with her, reading the most recent one, I sighed even more.

**"Sian, please, talk to me. I'm sorry if I seem like I'm a tease. I'm not. I'm just scared. Scared of a lot of things but I do know I like you so much and I think I've screwed it up :(**"

Sitting staring at the text for a minute, I pondered a reply. We'd been 'seeing' each other for a good few weeks. Turning my phone over in my hand, did I WANT to carry on? Intent on my thoughts I was startled by the soft calling of my name from over the side of the bed as Ryan peered at me.

"Sian, just text her and tell her you forgive her or you're sorry." He shrugged. "Whichever one it's going to be." I looked up as he peeked over the side of the bed. "We all know you're going to do one of them and not call it off." I blinked.

"He's right babe." I turned and looked at Ben, getting double teamed by them. "You two actually belong together. Well, you seem to be. Give her time. She'll get more comfortable with things."

I blinked again, and asked the lads if I was so predictable. Not really shocked when I was told that yeah, I was. Eventually giving into their easy banter at taking the piss out of me and Sophie. I hit the reply button.

**"Hey Soph. I'm sorry too. You've messed nothing up. I'll call you later? Miss you Xx"**

"RIGHT" I jumped at Ben's loud shout. "Now Sian's sent a kiss and make up text lets go out and get wasted."

And with that, we'd grabbed some food and then I'd been dragged out to Revs, our usual table and our usual drinking night out. Ry copping off, me running out of the bar to talk to Soph, being drunk enough to not really understand her "I'll see you soon babe" and returning to knowing smiles and good natured name calling from Ryan and Ben, and Ben getting so drunk we'd have to help him to bed.

Walking back to Cartmel, me and Ryan with our arms round each other giggling at how someone Ben's size could not hold his ale. Giving Ry a peck on the cheek for being sweet enough to walk me back and then staggering up the stairs to my floor and room to find a very welcome sight at the top of the stairs.

Sophie.

Sitting there like she belonged there. I'd taken a few wobbly steps backwards in surprise, squinting looking up at her, that gorgeous huge smile spreading widely across her face as she realised I was slightly the worse for wear for my night out. Managing the stairs (just) I slumped on the step next to her, resting my head on her shoulder.

"Hey"

She laughed, "told you I'd see you soon." She wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "I couldn't stay home any longer, they were driving me mad, me mam and dad pulling me in opposite directions. "I came back here. I feel safe with you Sian. And... I'm sorry."

I lifted my head up off her shoulder, and planted a drunk kiss on her cheek. "S'ok, I was being a selfish dickhead." I managed to get to my feet, and stretched my right hand down. "Come on." Sophie smiled, placed her hand in mine and let me drag her to her feet. Placing her arms around my neck, she placed a gentle kiss on my lips as I used all my skills to just stay upright, taking a firm grip on her waist.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" I backed off slightly, not really too sure what she meant. I mean I WANTED to sleep with her, but now I realised I'd been a bit of a tit pushing her too far, and really..."not THAT way, I just..." oh, she'd not finished, "I just want to feel safe. Held." Blushing, she looked down at the floor. Smiling, my drunken thoughts sort of relieved cause I was drunk and I so did not want our first time to involve me being drunk; I managed to open my door and made to drag Soph in, frowning at her resistance.

Now what?

Smiling, she pointed at her room. "I'll just get changed." The smile widened. "And so should you."

Ah!

Nodding my agreement, I managed to organise myself by the time the light knock came on my door, outright grinning at the sight of Sophie in her pyjamas. We'd never slept in the same bed properly. Well, all night at least, so I was happy we'd made a break through.  
Settling into the narrow bed, wrapping my arms around her, I felt beyond happy, ecstatic, you name it. Sophie let out a happy sigh and snuggled in. Feeling the pull of drunken sleep I was just drifting off when she spoke.

"I'm staying here over Christmas with you." My eyes opened wide. "Me mam started about lesbians yesterday. I can't take it any more. If its not that its me dad being a bastard." She burrowed further into my embrace and I tightened my arms around her. "Is it ok if I stay with you?"

I smiled and kissed her head. "Perfect Soph, we'll have a great time together."

Feeling her relax against me, I let the drink help me drift off to sleep. Dreaming of our first Christmas together.  



	11. Chapter 11

**Authors note**: Italic writing is memories ok? Bold text is text or email talk. Thanks for the reviews. They're always welcome. I know it's a slow goer so far... but it WILL start picking up soon. You'll soon discover by the way that my Sian has language as bad as mine. Thanks as always to my ever lovely proof reader.

**Authors note 2**: Sian lives in Southport not Manchester, so she has a weird mix of accent that you get from living there... (as people from that area will confirm.)

**Authors note 3**: This is just a small filler scene. You'll see why soon...

**x-0-x**

My mobile sang a text alert at me from my living room, and I uncurled myself from my comfortable position on my bed. Realising I'd been lost in thought for an hour or so, I stretched and picking up my plate and empty bottle headed for the kitchen, switching on the kettle and heading for the living room and my phone.

"**Hey Sian. Sure, lets say the gym at 9? Grab a bite to eat too? If I don't hear off you I'll assume that's OK kid."**

Smiling, I realised a workout with my work partner would help get some of the kinks out, and hopefully some of the frustrations of thinking of Sophie. And I guess, I owed him an explanation too. Checking the alarm on my phone was set for the morning, I jumped when it rang out again.

I smiled when I saw the ID of the sender. Ben.

**"Nice one Sian, or should I say PC Powers. Haha you told Ry? He'll have a field day with that one. And guess who you saw in Village? No idea, but go on, I'm not due in class for 30 mins. X"**

Opening up a reply, my fingers flew over the keypad.

**"The one and only Sophie Webster. Threw me mate, it's brought it all back. And no, I've not told Ry, can he receive texts or is he still 'out of range'? X"  
**  
Grabbing a cup as the kettle clicked off, finally boiled, I made myself a cup of tea, waiting for Ben's reply. It didn't take long.

**"Sophie Webster? I hope you gave her a slap, oh, that's not a good idea now is it? Did she talk to you? And are you ok babe? No idea on Ry, last heard off him last month, try him. X"  
**  
Hmmmm, typical Ry and his damned travelling. I'd not heard off my other buddy around the same time as Ben then. Taking a sip from from my cup, I smiled realising I missed him. And Ben. We still kept in touch, and had done even after I'd left. Weekly texts or emails, depending on where Ryan was in the world on his travels, my work load and Ben's college work.

**"Aye, I'll tell him in a minute then. She tried to talk, I couldn't. My Sarge had a go at her. Now I keep thinking too much about shit. Sorry mate, not being cheery am I? Haha X"**

Taking the opportunity to send a quick text to Ryan, saying hi and letting him know I'd bumped into Sophie, I waited for a reply off Ben. Deciding to go for a run, my first love remember? To get my head straight so to speak. I'd just grabbed my running shoes and changed into some shorts and a T-shirt when my phone buzzed again.

**"Don't even worry about being cheery, you're my friend, its what I'm around for. Maybe you need to talk to her. Tell her exactly how you feel. Got to dash, but I'll email you laters babe X"**

Tucking my phone into a pocket in my running jacket, I headed out to run my frustrations away. Ben's words echoing Claire's in my head. Running myself into exhaustion, I showered and spent the remainder of my night watching shite TV. Finally settling when I slept.

**x-0-x**

Waking bright and breezy the next day, I got myself ready for the day and headed out to meet Dan. Looking forward to some boxing training with him, just for a change and to get my frustrations out. And not just about Sophie either. I'd had two years of hard slog to get to where I was, and the six months before that were spent getting into the police in the first place. I'd finally made it and the relief was just starting to sink in. The weight lifted off my shoulders. Now, I could do what I wanted within the force job wise. I'd made it. It wasn't being a P.E teacher sure, but I'd actually fallen in love with my job, naively determined to make a difference in the world.

Walking into the unkempt looking building, I spotted the large frame belonging to Dan warming up on his own. Dropping my bag into a locker in the corner, I looked round the building. I loved this place. It looked like nothing really from the outside, but inside had worn but well kept equipment and a great atmosphere too. The other people in there used to me by now after a couple of years of being brought here and taught to box. Well, basically run round the ring while Dan laughed and occasionally swung for me and I got daring and attempted to swing back. Neither of us ever landed a glove on the other, it was just a laugh and a great way of keeping fit. Being stalked by a six foot something bloke built like a brick shit house round an enclosed ring would do that to you.

After a bad day, an hour or so working the bad mood out by hitting a punch bag was great relief. And Dan had turned into a good mate. Using the gym time to help build my confidence from how crippled I'd been when I'd first started. I was fit when I'd started at Lancaster Uni, Ben's insistence I swim with him making me fitter, but god I was even faster and stronger now. And I liked it. I'd not exactly been a nun in the past two years either, and the women I met seemed to like the lean, fit me I'd become. Not that I ever let any of them get close to me. A couple of dates and that was enough for me. Time to move on. No one was going to be allowed in again, I'd made my mind up on that when I left Lancaster; even though Ben had said "we'll see" once in a late night chat.

Suffering a ruffle of my hair and a "Hiya kiddo you ok?" I retied my hair back and laughing we got on with an hour or so of working out. Meeting up after a shower in the greasy spoon café attached to the gym. The irony of eating a big greasy all day breakfast not lost on either of us after working out.

We covered the inane social chit chat over lunch, sitting back with cups of coffee as the waitress cleared our table. Dan asking me if I was OK, and yes, he'd spoken to Claire and had a better idea of who that gorgeous brunette was from the other night. Listening to him say his piece as my 'adoptive big brother' I smiled and nodded and 'uh huh'ed' in all the right places, not really wanting to go over the same stuff I had with Claire. Dan seemed to know anyway, telling me not be pissed at her as she cared and so did he. Finally saying our goodbyes and finding myself engulfed in a bear hug, we went our separate ways until our night shift tomorrow.

I'd spent the rest of my day doing the most mundane things, things that I'm sure none of you really wanted to know about, laundry, thinking about Sophie, daring the Tesco shopping run, spotting a brunette who looked like Sophie in Tesco and following her round the store like an insane stalker. Answering an email from Ben including 'do what you feel is right'... about... yup, Sophie. You know the sort of thing.

Avoidance. I'd been good at it for a couple of years now, but that one chance meeting, that one ten minutes in each others company had brought all that turmoil up again. Not so much bubbling to the surface as erupting, and now I had to deal with it again. But how? I didn't know how to contact her. If I even wanted to. And then what? Turn up on the doorstep and tell her what a fucking coward she was? How the devil was Lee? Had they had their parents dream wedding yet?

No. Lets be honest, that wasn't going to be right. I wasn't prepared to get into trouble with my job, either using the computer to try and find her or getting into trouble if I tracked her down and had a go at her. To be honest, I didn't really want to have a go at her either. I guess I just wanted to know why.

I went to bed that night and was tormented of dreams of that Christmas break. That glorious four weeks of just me and her.


	12. Chapter 12

**Authors note**: Italic writing is memories ok? Bold text is text or email talk. Thanks for the reviews. They're always welcome. You'll soon discover by the way that my Sian has language as bad as mine. Thanks as always to my ever lovely proof reader.

**Authors note 2**: Talking of my proof reader, the song lyrics in this chapter are from one of her favourite songs, the title's in the chapter and I suggest you run to download it and listen. Its a beautiful song. I don't normally dedicate chapters to people, as people who matter to me see things in here they know are for them, but Soph, as you have an even more epic music choice than me (inclluding this song)... this one's for you ;p

**Authors note 3**: This should be rated an 18 I guess, and also, a few apologies. This is posted early, as my work means I'm not sure when I can update next, I'm being sent on a pesky course. I'll try my best to get an update up by the weekend. I've made this one longer... just in case I can't get an update up... Enjoy...

_**x-0-x**_

_The end of the first term had rapidly arrived. I was staying on campus. I'd already decided. One of the reasons I'd chosen to study here remember? No need to go 'home'. I'd sent Christmas cards and presents to my mum and dad, not really sure how my dad would take it. He'd probably throw it in the bin. Still, I'd tried. My mother would probably think it was very nice and then forget about it._

_Since that night I'd spent holding Sophie, we'd got even closer, our kissing sessions becoming more and more passionate, but learning my lesson, I knew to let her set the pace, all the while having a sneaky feeling it wouldn't be too long before we got even closer. _

_Feeling festive and getting caught up in her love of the season, I even let Soph drag me shopping for a little tree and lights to decorate my room with. Thanks to my little job I even managed a couple for presents for Katy, Ryan and Ben. And Sophie of course. I'd had to sneak around trying to find out what she wanted, Katy being the ultimate sneak and finding out for me. So, there was a little bracelet carefully wrapped under the tiny tree on my desk, along with presents from Ry, Ben and Katy._

_Lectures had wound down, assignments were done and finally, FINALLY we had the corridor to ourselves. I'd seen Ben and Ryan off back to their homes, getting huge hugs off them, offers of Christmas dinners if I needed them and promises to call and text. I'd even got a hug off Katy and a "you're doing great with her, just be patient OK?" And with a pack on my cheek and a "thanks for the pressie" she'd disappeared off home too._

_Despite his protests, Sophie had refused to go to Lee's for Christmas, telling him thanks but no thanks. She'd gone home one more time after the last disastrous visit, dropped off her presents and cards and told them she'd stay at uni. I'm going to admit to feeling slightly smug at the look on his face. Ever since I'd stopped letting his "thief" comments get to me, I'd taken great delight in winding him up at every available opportunity. The food theft or "borrowing" was irritating though. Mine was the only stuff that was ever left undisturbed from the fridge, and even Sophie was puzzled about it. Thankfully she seemed to believe it wasn't me. Well, it wasn't me. I'd worked damned hard to get to university, I wasn't about to get thrown out for nicking cheese for fucks sake. It was petty and pathetic. I had my suspicions, but kept them to myself. No point in rocking the boat any more than I already had with Sophie having struggled a little to get this far. She'd probably hate me if I pointed the finger at her childhood friend. And I wasn't really ready to confront the dickhead yet._

_Reaching my room after seeing Ryan and Ben off; Ryan terrified and squashed on the back of Ben's bike, I waited for Sophie to return from either saying goodbye to Lee or the library, whichever one it was that she was doing. Standing on the empty corridor I smiled as I headed for the kitchen and flicked the kettle on, waling to the window waiting for it to boil. Four weeks of Sophie all to myself. I'm sure she had plans of her own, to do some of her own stuff but that was fine, I was sure I could occupy myself. Mumbling the other day about getting started on the reading list for next term, but I didn't mind that, I could do some of my own stuff. Just the entire thought of Lee not lurking all the bloody time was like a weight of my shoulders. No need to keep my guard up. Bliss._

_Stretching my arms out and closing my eyes in happiness as the warmth of the winter sun hit my face through the window, I was startled by a thin pair of arms wrapping themselves around my waist and a cold nose nuzzling into my neck before a warm pair of lips kissed me where the nose had just been. Smiling at the quiet laughter from behind me at "how high I just jumped" I dropped my arms and covered Sophie's hands with my own. Leaning back into her thin body, I hummed with contentment._

_This...it was just...perfect. No one else around just us._

_"Whatcha thinking of?" The warm lips kissed me again, closer to my shoulder this time. Turning around in her arms I draped my arms over her shoulders, playing with the long hair on the back of her neck. Looking at those blue eyes I smiled and answered, "this" and spent a leisurely few minutes kissing her, feeling her arms wrap tighter around my waist as I lost my hands in her hair. God I loved her hair, it was so different to mine, so soft. Relaxed and feeling...well...pretty dammed free to do what I wanted. I stopped thinking for a few more minutes and concentrated on the kissing. Much more fun._

**_x-0-x_**

_Cups of tea, food, some tickling and more kissing later, we were lying contentedly on Soph's bed, music playing gently in the background as we just enjoyed each others company with me lying half sprawled over her. Finally relaxed, finally just...us. The Sophie I adored, the relaxed playful one lifting my hair up and letting it fall through her fingers as we just chilled._

**_"But it's just the blues, Mary the blues, Swirling around my head like your dreams in Dorothy's shoes, I'm somewhere over the rainbow for you."_**

_I poked my head up from where it was resting on Soph's shoulder. The singers voice haunting and raw. Damn the lyrics were beautiful. They summed up how I felt. Hating having to act different because of Sophie's fears and knowing somewhere I'd always do it because I was starting to fall heavily for her._

_"Mmmm?" Sophie's mumbled enquiry came to me from above my head._

_This song. Who's is by?" I turned to face her, leaning on my elbow, resting my head in my hand and looking down at her; eyes closed, lovely content smile on her face. God she was gorgeous._

_"Brian Fallon. Gaslight Anthem." _

_I frowned. One blue eye opened and looked at me. "The frown better not be because you've never heard of them." A finger came up and traced my frown, making me smile, "see, that's better. You're gorgeous when you smile." I leant down and kissed her gently, backing away before it became too heated. "I'm dumping you unless you copy my collection of their stuff." She pouted and I laughed at her adorable face. _

_Making a move to get off the bed, I was halfway up when Sophie had half risen herself and grabbed my arm and pulled me back down lying flat on the bed, laughing. "Where you going...?" I managed to reverse our positions and pull her down on top of me, smiling, loving the playful side we had when it was just the two of us. _

_"You dumped me didn't you?" Laughing at her face as she tried so hard to look severe and annoyed, when I knew she wasn't really. Straddling my hips and planting her hands either side of my head, she leant down and kissed me. Hard. A hell of a lot harder than any kiss we'd had before. _

_I could feel my heart starting to race, trying desperately to shove my hormones down. "Wait till she's ready" going through my head. "What the fuck? She IS ready" was what the rest of me was singing out. It was there, that brief moment where you stop and look at each other. That line getting ever blurry and just ready to be crossed. A touch higher than normal, a kiss more passionate, just that one trigger._  
_Somehow, I'd got her shirt open and off, although I wasn't sure when that happened and I certainly wasn't sure when my shirt had been undone. Shit, we were going to do this weren't we? The blood was rushing through my head as I attacked her neck, her head lifting up slightly giving me more access. I realised I had a hell of a lot to live up to here, being the only one of us to have slept with a girl before. _  
_"Sure?" It was only the one word, but I found it so difficult to say it, my mouth was having too much fun tasting Sophie's neck. I was more than happy to make love to her, but I wanted it to be perfect. Was this perfect? I was thinking of a nice restaurant and shit like that first. Using the strength found in months of swimming, rock climbing and running, I flipped us over, lying on top of Sophie._

_Panting, I pulled away, sitting back on my haunches. God, she was a vision. Sophie's chest was heaving, her bra barely covering the delectable flesh underneath. Her dark hair was wild, and copied the savage look in those blue eyes. She nodded her head. "I've never been surer." Lifting my trembling hand, I tentatively touched the curve of a breast. Vibrations raced through me, and I watched with fascination as eyes fluttered, the breath catching in Sophie's throat. Slowly, with a still shaking hand, the same finger trailed over the skin revelling in the texture of smoothness transforming itself into goose bumps. As my finger dipped around the side, I put the rest of my hand into play. It curved and cupped, gently pressing against the shape. A gasp left Sophie's mouth. My thumb lifted and hovered over a pert nipple, I paused for a moment, terrified of the responsibility I had. Then contact. Sweet, pure, contact. _

_Sophie placed her hand over mine pulled it more fully against her. Now, trust me on this, there is something about touching another woman's breasts that is like nothing else on earth. The softness, the response, the feeling of stepping over the boundaries into something more... I dunno intimate...carnal? Both of the above? It's a dizzying connection. But not the ultimate. Oh no. The ultimate would come shortly_

_Pulling her into a sitting position, our slow exploration of each other's skin continued every time a piece of clothing was released. There was no rush now. I knew this was OK, and she was more than happy to let me take the lead. Her bra was undone, and her gorgeous body was revealed, each strap slipping effortlessly from silken skin followed by lips. Trousers and underwear seemed to magically disappear somewhere, and then it was just the two of us._

_Naked. Waiting. _

_Moving forward, I pushed Sophie back onto the bed, laughing quietly at her squeak. I wanted to cover this woman with my body; give in freely to this need; but seriously the thought of it could never match the actuality of doing it. Feeling Sophie underneath me, naked, responsive, legs parting and allowing, calves wrapping around my body to squeeze and pull me more fully into her, I think I died, no I KNOW I did. This was perfection. _

_Push. Push. Push. Each one of my movements pressed against the pool of desire seeping from this goddess underneath me. Nails trailed over my skin skin, gradually becoming firmer, more confident as she dragged her nails into my back. I tried to pace things, tried to be controlled, but nearly three months of lust was making this nearly impossible. Breasts rubbed, connected, meshed and joined. Stomachs slipped against the other, as sweat began to ooze from pores to lubricate eager flesh. Moisture slicked itself over skin, moisture from the secret place - the sacred place that is searched for by all. Hot mouths still explored, still craved the taste of the other. A deep need vibrated inside each of us, a need to seep inside the other and stay._

_'I need ... need more.' Sophie's voice was ragged, want blocking the passage of words into the air. 'Please ... please touch me.' _

_Slipping my hand towards its goal, heat met my fingers before the slick juice lubricating the passage to the entrance of Sophie's desire coated the tips as if readying them. Gently, I touched the opening, a gasp leaving Sophie's mouth, followed by a bucking of her hips. Again, I touched the place I knew I had to touch, and not just for her, I needed to. I needed to show her how much I cared, loved her. Loved? Fuck, when did that happen? But, it was like a magnet drawing me closer, pulling me in. _

_I placed my palm upwards as if I was going to cup her sex. But I didn't. Smiling to myself, I pushed downwards, making sure my fingers pushed the folds I found there whilst also connecting to the nub of quivering flesh._

_'God – Yes! FUCK!"_

_I'd paused, making sure this was what she really wanted. I didn't want that awkward moment in the morning where she said I was a mistake, a huge fucking mistake; but her response pushed me on, so I did it again, and again, and each time the response increased, the wetness increased, the movement of the hips ... increased. Coupled with the thrusting of my own hips, the pressing of her skin against mine, the sensation of her nerve endings screaming out for more ... more ... more._

_'More. Please. More.' _

_Fuck, she was like a drug._

_My fingers waited impatiently outside her entrance, and I waiting for those beautiful blue eyes to meet mine. For that final confirmation that this was OK. I didn't have to wait long. Slowly, eyelashes fluttered and opened, shortly followed by the slight lift of that dark head. Lips were parted in a gentle smile and a nod of confirmation was all I needed._

_Out. Wet. Ready to push inside again. In. Clutched. Out and in ... in and out. My rhythm was steady; the force was insistent; the feeling was sublime. I'd slept with a couple of women before, but none of them, nothing compared to this. This was heaven. If I died now, I wouldn't care._

_It was building, clawing, raging. Sophie's hips were pushing, bucking, thrusting, and trying to absorb everything I was doing to her, trying to drive her crazy with want...need. We were as close at that moment as two people could probably get, but it wasn't enough. I wanted her to climb inside, sit behind her skin, nestle against her heart and live there for eternity. _

_Breathing was becoming more erratic. Gasping breaths hit the cool air in the room, grasping hands clasped skin on my shoulders and back, pulling, nails digging, scratching me, but I really didn't fucking care._  
_A shift. A break. A pause. And then..._

_'Yesssssssssssss ... God ... yessssssssssssssssssssss!' Sophie's mouth twisted, words hitting the air, fingers moving from digging into my back to my backside instead, pulling me closer almost crushing my hand that was happily and firmly rooted there. _

_I paused, mesmerised by the sight of the woman I'd realised I actually loved. Loved. Fucking hell. Slipping my fingers down slightly, I curved them, letting her rest for a few seconds before starting again, getting an almost immediate response. The reaction was explosive, as Sophie sucked in a breath and released a yell accompanied by a thrusting of her hips that arched her back off the bed. More thrusts, more yells, more gripping into my already tortured back and then she relaxed. One arm thrown over her face, breathing heavily, face flushed. I don't think I'd ever seen a more beautiful sight._

_Paranoia getting the better of me, had she enjoyed it? I know I had... She wasn't moving or talking. I started to move back onto my heels, worried. The hand moved from the eyes. Those baby blues staring at me, burning a hole into me. _

_"Where the hell do you think you're going?" An arm, latched onto me and pulled me down to lie next to her._

_"Was that...you know..." I started stammering, my panic lessening slightly, but still there. "Cause, you know...I mean..."_

_"SIAN" I stopped babbling. Her voice softened, "Sian, that was... I dunno, Jesus, it was fucking perfect OK?" She rolled over and lay on me, pressing gentle kisses on my neck and face, making the butterflies I had fly away and kiss her back. _

_Leaning back slightly, she looked at me, her eyes sparkling. Fucking hell, had I brought out that twinkle? Yeah, I had. Go Team Sian._

_"Now," I watched as Sophie ran a finger down my nose, over my chin, stopping between my breasts, which were already heaving with need. She looked up grinning, "let's see if I'm a quick learner."_  
_And with that she stalked down my body and set about returning the favour._


	13. Chapter 13

**Authors note**: I'm not a police officer so sometimes I may get things wrong. It fits in the story, I use it. Simples.

**Authors note 2**: Talking of my proof reader, if you like this couple, check out her YT channel at h t tp : / / www . you tube . com/ user / spof monster In-between proof reading for me, she puts a lot of effort into them. Leave her some reviews if you feel like it. Ta ;) I don't normally dedicate chapters to people, as people who matter to me see things in here they know are for them, but this one's for her, being as she helped keep me going the past month.

**Authors note 3**: Apologies about the month between updating this, but my job kinda keeps me busy and I've spent the past month in NZ and Japan, so it's not been fun. Reviews are always welcome.

_**x-0-x**_

I woke up late the next morning. Just lying back and resting, knowing I had some night shifts coming up and trying to rest after having a night tormented by remembering that perfect month. Stretching and relaxing back again, I checked my watch. Plenty of time yet before I needed to get sorted for work.

I couldn't help smiling. Thinking back, it really had been a gorgeous month, and I'd stupidly thought that was it. That was me done, never needing anyone else again. One of the lucky ones. In love and happy. Forever and ever. Hearts and flowers and all that shit. Everyone would come back and Sophie'd tell them we were a couple and the likes of Lee could just do one if he didn't like it.

We'd stay together forever and ever. Sian and Sophie forever. Yeah.

Still, there was that bastard smile on my face again. She really HAD been a quick learner. Paying me back for torturing her. After we'd first slept together we'd spent the week in bed. Honest. Teenage hormones and sheer lust not allowing us to leave her room, or my room, sometimes the shower, and once... feeling REALLY daring, I'd surprised her in the library. Things getting heated, me pushing her back into the rows of books after hours of being tormented by text over what she'd do to me later, causing a few books to topple. Only raised murmurs and deliberate coughing from what we assumed was the librarian stopping us scandalising the library, my hands so damned close to their goal. Then Sophie grabbing my hand and blushing as we ran from our secluded area and past the librarian and back to which ever room we felt like before undressing each other and starting all over again.

She was insatiable, bringing me to the edge again and again until I'd begged for release. Looking down my body to see those dark blue eyes looking up at me, twinkling at me before she'd finally, finally give in to my plea.

Sophie Webster, I'd discovered was an absolute tease. And I loved it. And her.

There were still the occasional hiccups between us (and rows). We finally ran out of food and had to go to Tesco, meaning we'd had to go and face the real world. I'd not got too frisky, but simply held her hand and given her a small kiss on the lips. And she'd had a bit of a freak out session.

We still had a ways to go I realised. She was so loving and really happy to show me how loving behind closed doors, just me and her, but anything else would take a little more time I guessed, more time to accept her feelings and who she really was. But still, I'd wait, I knew I'd win in the end. Secure in my love. Our love.

Sure enough, once we'd sulked and bitched at each other on the way back to Cartmel, We'd ended up back in bed. Apologies accepted.

_**x-0-x**_

Stretching and finally getting out of bed, I spent the rest of my day getting ready for work, biding my time until I had to leave. That was the worse thing about nights, the waiting around for the first shift to start. You never really cared after that, all you did was work, sleep and then get up to work again until your last shift.

A quick run, a nice long email to Ben and an even longer one to Ryan just for him to pick up whenever he next hit civilisation and an internet café or signal on his mobile phone, whatever came first. Shower, uniform on and keys in hand it was time for me to head off to the other side of Manchester from where I lived to where I worked, genuinely happy to go to work.

The beauty with my job. One day quiet with nothing much going on, the next, full on legging it after a person accused of some crime or other. Writing wrongs, stopping injustice. I smiled grimly to myself. Yeah. That was me, the great one woman crime prevention officer. Working with my buddies was always a bonus.

Thirty minutes later and I'd logged into work, grabbed my work belt and the rest of my kit, a cup of coffee (I'm a cop, it's the law that we drink it and eat donuts) and was sitting in the briefing room chatting with my mates. Claire entered, gave us our assignments, a list of people and cars to keep and eye out for and that was that. Off we went. Protecting the mean streets of Manchester.

Calling me into her office before I left with Dan, she shut the door behind me.

"You OK Sian?" she'd leaned against her desk and with arms folded across her chest was looking at me with "that look" again.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'll be OK. It just threw me a little talking through loads of that stuff, I'd sort of boxed it away and wanted to forget it." She nodded, understanding.

"Well, after these nights are over, you're coming to mine for the evening OK? Ash and the kids want me to drag you over for some stupid game on the PlayStation." She paused. "No excuses OK Sian?" I smiled and thanked her, knowing there was a double meaning. No excuses on the dinner and no excuses over work. Time to switch on now and stop brooding. She really was a great friend. She excused me and I jogged down the corridor to the back car park to find Dan. We'd been paired up in one of the response cars, which was always fun and part of Claire's plan to keep my brain occupied I think. I found him leaning on the car talking to Gerry and Chris and waiting for me. We exchanged idle chit chat and then with a simple "ready then?" we were off for the first part of our shift.

Work had been boring. Really boring. A few youths with some weed and alcohol we'd taken off them and that had been it for the first few hours. We'd parked up by a local park, resting for a few minutes while Dan tried his 'sensitive man' routine and tried talking to me about Sophie. Casting an eye across at him, I thanked him and told him the truth. I wasn't in the mood to talk about her.

Silence filled the car for a few minutes. The chatter of our colleagues over the radio filling the air as they reported in, answered calls or asked for information. I was just about to talk to Dan, figuring he needed, no, actually he deserved an explanation when a job was shouted over the radio, the address close by...

Both of us instantly alert, the car was moving as I grabbed the radio and answered we'd respond. A burglary possibly still in progress... female home alone, terrified. Dan was making the car fly, lights and sirens blaring as we made our way the short journey to the house. Switching the lights and siren off as we approached so we didn't scare any possible offenders away, Dan parked up. I was out of the car before he'd even got the car fully stopped or his seatbelt off, running round and down the back alleys to the rear of the terraced house in case anyone was running out of the back.

Nothing. Bugger it.

Torch on, I checked all the gates and as much of the alley and its neighbours. Replying to Dan when he asked where I was, the house was empty. Well, except for the hysterical woman still in there who'd heard someone in the back yard. Radioing I'd check around another time before meeting Dan in the house, I spent another fifteen minutes trotting round the area, looking in all the nooks and crannies. Hearing Dan call the details in to the control centre. I took one last sweep round the area, only managing to startle an old ginger cat before heading back to the house. Glad of the run out, the adrenaline helping clear my head and making me feel useful. Powerful, in control again.

Radioing Dan to let him know I was on my way back, I jogged back to the house, trotting up to the front door and knocking, not surprised when Dan's large frame filled the door frame letting me into the cosy looking home. I followed him slowly towards the back of the house where I could see a light on.

"Nothing doing mate. Got a vague description, radioed in, as you heard." He stopped in the hall, "nothing out there at all?" I shook my head.

"Nowt mate. Checked all over, those alleys are like a bastard rat run." Which was true we all knew that. If someone got out into them, it was rare we could catch them unless we had them on our sights. Giving me a pat on the shoulder which nearly floored me. He set off down the hall again, me following into the brightly lit kitchen, "come on Powers. A little more time with the lady of the house and we're good to go."

Scribbling notes into my notebook as I followed him, I heard him talking to the lady, my ears finally pricking up when he mentioned her name, knowing the surname from my thoughts earlier.

"So, it seems the guy has gone now Miss Armstrong, keep the windows locked and lock the door behind us. When your house mate arrives home tell her what's happened OK?"

Armstrong?

I looked up from under the brim of my hat. My eyes meeting the startled brown of Katy Armstrong.

"Sian?"

Oh for fucks sake. This truly couldn't get more fucked up could it?


	14. Chapter 14

**Authors note**: I'm not a police officer so sometimes I may get things wrong. It fits in the story, I use it. Simples.

**Authors note 2**: Talking of my proof reader, if you like this couple, check out her YT channel at h t tp : / / www . you tube . com/ user / spof monster In-between proof reading for me, she puts a lot of effort into them. Leave her some reviews if you feel like it. Ta ;) She has a great new vid too.

**Authors note 3**: My characters swear. I've told them to pack the effing hell in, but they carry on regardless. And ref's= refreshment break.

_**x-0-x**_

**Oh for fucks sake. This truly couldn't get more fucked up could it?**

Dan's expression would have been comical it I hadn't felt so wrong footed at seeing Sophie's mate from uni. Well, Sophie was in Manchester, why not her I guess.

I nodded. "Yeah, hi Katy." Thinking quickly, I looked at Dan, "I'll check the windows are all locked upstairs again before we leave." I made a sharp exit. Jogging up the stairs to check the windows as I said, I managed to successfully not snoop around in what was obviously Katy's room, and after checking the windows on both her room and the bathroom, I checked the remaining room, appeciating the order in the room compared to the mess of Katys. The fact you could see the floor was an advantage, and I cast a quick look around appreciating the minimal nick nacks littering the shelf above the desk which contained neatly stacked files and pens in a red mug. Leaning across the small bed and checking the window, I realised I felt calmer after using my excuse to get some space. Still, you knew that right? Windows secured, I shouted a goodbye to Katy and waited for Dan by the car. Knowing he was doing everything by the book. Knowing he'd leave a contact number if she heard noises again. A contact... great

I let my head rest back, looking up at the stars. Breathing in the cold air. Opening one eye as I heard Dan exit the house, knowing I'd have to tell him who Katy was. He unlocked the car and we both got in in silence before driving off, driving round the neighbourhood for a while just to check.

"So..." Ahhh, here we go. I carried on looking at the pavements, wanting to find something to do to avoid the soap opera my life really was becoming. It was getting to be a joke. I reckoned I'd bump into Lee next. Yeah, that'd just about make my fucking life wouldn't it? When would I get away from them?

"Yeah?... Nothing over here still mate."

"Katy says she knew you in uni"

"Yeah, she wasn't too bad until the end." I shrugged, still not looking at him, doing my job, watching the streets; "quiet over here Dan."

"Yeah, nothing over here, I think he's long gone. Let's check another area." Looking ahead, I nodded as Dan drove us to a different area to check for anything that shouldn't be there.

"Yeah, she said there was a big mess over why you left." Sighing, I looked at my partner.

"Dan..." I really didn't want to do this...

"Yeah, so why DID the police come and question you Sian?"

_**x-0-x**_

I sighed, leaning back in my nice comfortable seat in the car, letting my head rest back on the headrest. Avoiding eye contact, desperately falling back on old skills. Avoidance. "Dan, we're in work, looking for a burglar. Or any other crime. We're not going over this. Not here, not now."

It wasn't going to work. Dan looked at his watch. "Well, we're due a ref's break, so you can start telling me can't you." Grabbing his radio, he called into control that we'd take our break while we out as we wanted to stay in the area to check for the guy.

He wasn't going to let this go was he? I sighed, still refusing to look at him. Trying to do my job.

"Cause you know, criminal records and joining the police generally don't mix."

Silence stretched through the car for five minutes. Bright light surprised me into blinking and stopping staring out of the window as Dan pulled our car into a KFC drive thru; knowing me well enough to order one of my favourite meals. A large bag of gorgeous smelling food shoved into my lap along with a drinks carrier.

"No spilling anything in here, the next shift'll have a hissy." I smiled. Dan was right over that. Still, parked up next to a park would give us time to eat our food, and time for me to tell him about that last month at Lancaster. The fact a marked police car sitting there would deter some of the local muppets was a happy coincidence. Grabbing my part of the food parcel he'd ordered. I sighed and started telling him, in-between both of us inhaling our food.

"I don't have a criminal record before you start." pausing for a minute, I carried on. "We got caught kissing, by Lee, I think I know when, and it basically went tits up from there..."

**x-0-x**

_We'd spent most of the Christmas break shagging. Well, OK, maybe not ALL of it. Like I'd said, we had gone out for a bit every now and then. We'd been wrapped up in our love I guess, no one else had existed. We did spend some time talking and just being Sian and Sophie. Getting to know each other, and if it was even more possible, I think I fell even further. She was gorgeous and funny and sarcastic and clever._

_Perfect, just perfect._

_Christmas Eve had found us giggling and handing hands as we staggered back to our rooms after spending the afternoon in a pub in Lancaster. We'd even ended up in a photo booth in the supermarket while getting some more beer. Posing for a photo and then giggling as we ripped them into 2, giving both of us 2 photos. Nicely merry and for once, not too horny. I think we both just wanted to snuggle and watch crap movies eating junk food. We'd ended up agreeing to watch two films, so we could both pick our favourite. We'd sat and mostly kissed our way through It's a Wonderful Life (Sophie's choice) and were watching my favourite Christmas film, Scrooged. This was heaven. We'd spend every Christmas like this. We'd both decided. Sophie happily agreeing, snuggling into my neck as we watched Bill Murray's character being systematically beaten up by a demented fairy._

_Christmas Day had been perfect. Swapping presents, Sophie squealing with delight at the bracelet I'd got her. I was thrilled with my haul of presents. Happily wearing the necklace she'd bought me and playing the CD's Ryan and Ben had got me very, very loudly._

_New Year was similar, we'd decided to stay in after spending the early part of the evening in the pub. Midnight found us swapping sweet kisses before driving each other insane in bed again._

_And then sadly, the holidays were ending and people started trickling back to campus. The walls to our sanctuary being eroded. Eventually our flat mates returned too, and giving Sophie the time she wanted to play catch up with Katy (and sadly Lee) I'd spent time with my mates too. Ryan happily taking the piss out of me and Sophie finally "getting our act together" and "was it good" which earned him a smack. Ben had been happy for me but looked preoccupied with something. I could see him drifting a few times... his mind a million miles away._

_Ryan had explained when he'd walked me back to Cartmel. Ryan had found an athletic scholarship offer waiting for him at home. He'd applied for it before he'd applied for UK universities, but thought he'd blown it. He could still transfer apparently, but he didn't know what to do. To be honest it was an easy choice to me. Ryan agreed. He could go to the best swimming programme in the USA or stay in the cold UK. _

_Total no brainer as I told Ry. He'd agreed with me,saying he thought Ben might take it. He was just thinking about the distance to his girlfriend. I'd given Ry a kiss on the cheek thanking him for walking me back and jogged upstairs to hear the glorious sound of dickhead laughing. Knowing that Sophie would probably retreat back into mostly timid mode, I sent a silent thanks for the great month we'd had and quietly opened my room door, having absolutely no idea what to do now everyone else was back. We'd never discussed it. Shocking eh? I know what I wanted and hoped for, but was Sophie ready?_

_Leaving my door open a tiny amount to let Sophie know I was back, I sat on my bed. My ears picked up when I heard Lee's laughter. "Yeah, so your mum and Rosie's face was a picture. Carla's niece, Danni and Rosie had been on a few nights out, and then Carla let slip that Danni was a big old lesbian." I could hear a murmured comment from Sophie and I think Katy, but I couldn't be sure. "So all hell broke loose in the Rovers. You know what your sister and mum are like when they get going. God they were totally 'but we're not gay, there's no dungarees in our house'". Again I could hear Sophie's voice, raised a little this time, followed by Lee whining about 'only having a laugh'. _

_Footsteps heading down the corridor and I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend as she opened her door. She turned around and looked at me, I sat there like a nice useless lump. Boy, could I understand her reasons even more. Standing up I opened my door a little and she almost ran across into my arms. Holding her while she sobbed at me. "See? See why I don't want to tell anyone? Imagine what they'd call me"._

_Kicking my door closed, or so I thought, I manoeuvred Soph to sit on my bed and, sitting next to her, just wrapped an arm around her, kissing her cheek. "S'ok, we'll work something out eh?" I kissed her cheek again. Trying to let her see that I actually could see the problem here. Wasn't happy over it, but yeah, I COULD see it._

_Turning her head to me, she wrapped a hand around the back of my neck and tugged my head down to hers kissing me. Her lips were urgent, caressing mine, her tongue demanding entrance. Who was I to refuse? I damn well loved her and she was upset. I kissed her back just as hard, passions quickly rising until I heard a noise. I think Soph heard it too, sitting back a little breathing hard. _

"_Shit." She followed my movements as I stood up, my door was slightly ajar. Swiftly poking my head out into the corridor, I saw a broad back duck into the kitchen._

_Shit shit shit shit. _

_Lee? It was too big to be skinny Ches. Deciding not to freak Soph out any more, I shut the door and turned around. "Door must have blown open. I only kicked it shut." I forced a smile and sat down on the bed again. "There was no one out there Soph." Rubbing her back, I pulled her into another hug. "Your family are really that bad?"_

_She nodded into my neck. "Not taking the chance with them Sian, I'm sorry, I know you're probably disappointed"._

_I held her tighter. "No I'm not, don't be daft." Pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead, I smiled. "We've got all the time in the world to tell your folks. They may surprise you Soph." She mumbled something I couldn't make out and then mumbled something I could. Laughing gently, and telling her yes, I let go of her so she could go and get ready for bed, taking the chance to check the kitchen. Nope, no one in there. Acting off a hunch I checked the fridge; nope it all seemed OK. Turning around I checked the lock on my cupboard door, no all was in place. _

_I wandered back to my room, getting my night clothes on just in time as Soph tapped on the door lightly and sneaked in._

"_OK?" She nodded as she climbed into bed and waited for me as I locked my door and turned off the light. As she nestled into my embrace after we'd spent a few minutes gently kissing I felt complete, despite that nagging little worry in the back of mind. _

_Lee knew, I was sure of it, and he'd never made any secret of his dislike of me. What would he do next? He wouldn't hurt Sophie would he? Sighing I'd nodded off to sleep, that uneasy prickle still there on the back of my neck._

**x-0-x**

"So this shit head saw you kissing then?" Dan mumbled around the disgustingly sized burger he was chomping on, making me feel sick when he dunked it in his tub of gravy.

"Jesus Dan you fat bastard, that's gross" He just laughed at me as he chewed, both of us sitting in comfortable silence. "Yeah, I think it's pretty safe to say he saw us kissing. Perv." I grabbed a handful of my chips and dunked them in my own tub of gravy, chewing quietly for a minute.

"So, the food theft then." I looked at Dan, raising my eyebrows in a 'yes?' expression. "That was the wanker wasn't it?" I'd finished chewing and grabbing a gulp of my Pepsi nodded.

"Yeah, I think so."

"THINK so?" Dan looked at me. "Surely you know Sian? What kinda copper are you?"

I laughed bitterly. "I wasn't one then Dan was I?" Shrugging I continued. "I was a dopey 18 year old, head in the clouds wanting to be a PE teacher and drunk on the idea that love'd conquer all. And no, it wasn't the food theft that got me questioned by the local bizzies OK. There was talk of arrest..." I waited for the explosion to come.

"ARREST?" Yup, there it was. "FUCKING ARRESTED?" I waited for him to calm down slightly.

"TALK of arrest you idiot."

"Yeah, well you better talk lady." I nodded, grabbed our empty food wrappers and, being the good citizen I am, hopped out of the car and shoved the rubbish in the bin.

Getting back in the car, Dan was radioing that we'd finished our break and were headed back onto shift. A quick toilet stop later and were back onto the mean streets of Blackley.

It was an art, but we were pretty decent at doing our job and talking at the same time. Sadly for me, there were no other shouts in our area to stop me from talking to Dan. It had started raining heavily. Always the best natural policeman, heavy rain. Even the crims could never be arsed to stay out in it.

Staring at the rain hammering down on the windows, I was reminded of the shitty January weather in Lancaster that year.


	15. Chapter 15

**Authors note**: I'm not a police officer so sometimes I may get things wrong. It fits in the story, I use it. Simples.

**Authors note 2**: Talking of my proof reader, if you like this couple, check out her YT channel at h t tp : / / www . you tube . com/ user / spof monster In-between proof reading for me, she puts a lot of effort into them. Leave her some reviews if you feel like it. Ta ;) She has a great new vid too.

**Authors note 3**: My characters swear. I've told them to pack the effing hell in, but they carry on regardless.

_**x-0-x**_

**Staring at the rain hammering down on the windows, I was reminded of the shitty January weather in Lancaster that year.**

_**x-0-x**_

_The rain was hammering down on the windows, stirring me out of my doze. Trying not to wake the sleeping body next to me, I kissed the bare skin under my lips and gently changed my position from where my head lay on Sophie's shoulder, slowly rolling onto my back from where I'd been curled up next to her, with my arm around her waist. My head still snuggled onto her shoulder a little, but not as heavily. _

_It was late on a Sunday afternoon. Well, early evening really. It had pissed it down all weekend and a bit of cabin fever had set in. I'd had to go to the gym to run instead of outside where I longed to be, and the pissy weather meant we'd not really wanted to go out either. Still, with everyone on our corridor not due back until today, who cared. _

_It had been a couple of weeks since I was a hundred percent sure Lee has seen us kissing, and to be honest, I was waiting for the shit to hit the fan. I'd been edgy and more than a little snappy at times. He's not said anything directly, and that was the problem. He'd been a snide bastard. Little digs here, little comments about his missing stuff there. Now apparently, stuff from his room was going too. As if it was me the dopey shit. _

_He'd got some of the desired effect he'd wanted though, Soph and I having arguments over him on more than one occasion. Why she just couldn't see he was a wanker was beyond me. I was pretty damned sure he'd been listening in on a few of our arguments too. It was starting to make me feel uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable. To the point I'd thought about trying for a room swap onto another corridor, then Soph'd cry and we'd kiss and make up and things would calm down again. We never did seem to be able to keep our hands off each other for too long. Which funnily enough had led us to our latest doze in my bed. _

_I was upset that Ben had decided to take the scholarship too. I mean don't get me wrong here, I was immensely proud of the guy and made up he'd got the course of his dreams, but he was my buddy. He'd been so good to me when we'd started, so accepting and open and I'd miss him something fierce. Ry was utterly gutted too, but like me, was proud of his best mate. The promise of a cheap place to stay and holiday in LA was scant consolation. We'd both promised to go and visit him. In return he'd made us promise to look after each other. _

_I looked at my calendar on my wall from where I was lying. He'd left that morning to go home for a week before flying out. I sighed. God I'd miss his calm, quiet support so damned much._

"_Supp babe?"_

_The groggy voice from next to me was half asleep. I leant up on my elbow, running my finger down her nose and over her lips, laughing as she tried to catch my finger in her teeth, and tapping her nose in retaliation. _

"_Just gonna miss Big Ben's all. He's my mate you know?" _

_Sophie pulled me down, resting my head on her chest as I sighed and had a quiet moment. She just stroked my hair whispering nonsense to me._

_I raised by head after a few minutes, knowing our 'us' time, our 'secluded little world' was coming to an end for another week. We'd head back to snatching 'us' time, which had its wild and insanely satisfying moments. And there would probably be the customary arguments, followed by the making up times._

_Sitting up and stretching and somehow managing to resist Sophie's urgings to come back to bed, I dropped a quick kiss on her lips and naked, headed for the en suite and a shower. As I showered, I wasn't too surprised to feel a blast of cool air and then a pair of skinny arms sneak around my waist and a sloppy kiss placed between my shoulder blades as Sophie joined me in my little shower cubicle, rubbing her nose between my shoulder blades. Dammit she was bloody insatiable. Not that I was complaining too much as I turned around in the small amount of space I had, managing to dislodge her somewhat determined hand as it headed to where I really wanted it to be anyway._

_Groaning slightly as she gently stroked me into utter submission, her lips first attacking my neck, then my nipples as she pinned me to the wall, finally reducing me to a wibbling mess of want, need and pure lust all stood under an ever cooling shower. Batting my hands away and refusing to let me touch her, she grabbed my shower gel handed it to me, winked and sauntered, yes, sauntered out of the shower, leaving me standing there on shaking legs like a new born foal._

_Somehow I managed to finish my shower, and staggered out of the now freezing water. Towel wrapped around me, I walked into my room to find it empty, the bed made, everything perfect... except... for the note in the middle of my duvet. _

"_**If you want payback, come and find me tough stuff"**_

_Laughing to myself at the playful nature of my lover, I poked my head out into the corridor, listening intently. Yup, the distant sound of a shower could be heard in the distance. Pondering my next move, I ran through a list of options in my head. _

_a) Do what Sophie expected me to and have ANOTHER shower... but wild sex._

_b) Do nothing, get dressed and probably never be allowed to touch her again. (although I know that wouldn't be true) _

_or lastly..._

_c)Wait for her to finish her shower and THEN pounce and have the wild sex..._

_Deciding the last option was the best, off I'd trotted, towel still wrapped around me. Well, what was the point in getting dressed? We'd only have to take the clothes off again. No one was expected back for at least another hour or so, and with that, I'd ended up surprising Sophie by not joining her in her shower and simply lying on her bed waiting for her. _

_Wearing a towel and a smile._

_Pretty sure you don't need me to tell you what happened next do I? _

_Needless to say, I think we were both pretty knackered and sated by the time we'd finished exploring each other. Again. Sophie had nodded off again and I'd woken up and was thinking over stuff. Neither of us had discussed the 'L' word yet. Not the show of course, the love word, the feeling, the reason I had those butterflies every time I saw her and goosebumps trailing her touch on my skin. I dunno, was I supposed to bring it up? I was ninety nine point nine percent sure I loved her, WAS in love with her, how could I not be? She was fucking perfect. Well, yes, OK, EXCEPT for the whole being in the closet thing. And she hadn't mentioned it. Not a 'like' (although I guessed she must like me a little to do some of the things she did to me) and certainly she'd not brought up 'love'. I sighed and turning my head kissed her gently on the cheek, smiling at the humming noise of happiness she made, even in her sleep. _

_Slowly, I started to make my way from her embrace, my body had started to cool down and the towel I'd been wearing wasn't going to keep me warm for long. Deciding to head back to my room for a change of clothes, I grabbed Sophie's phone and left her a message in text form, so she knew where I'd gone. I paused as I got to the door, gripping my towel tighter round my body and feeling really exposed. I wasn't too sure how long we'd been asleep this time, my watch was in my room, but it was dark out so I was going to guess some of our flat mates might have returned, and I was pretty sure me legging it across the corridor in a towel was not something Sophie wanted seen. Or me to be honest. Having a confrontation with Lee in a towel was not my idea of fun, and as much as I wanted Soph to be out of the closet, I wasn't going to force her out._

_Opening the door as quietly as I could, I poked my head out, the sound of some music playing on the corridor a sure fire give-away we weren't alone any more. Realising I hadn't locked my door, only pulling it closed, I made a dash for it. I was almost there, almost home free when I was half tackled by a giggling, blanket wearing brunette. Shoving my arms out to break our fall as my door slammed open with a loud bang, I winced as my arms hit the floor with our combined weight on them as we fell through the doorway, and that noise was certainly not going to draw any ones attention... oh no, no one at all._

_Finding myself being turned over by my laughing girlfriend who was growling in a low voice about me running away and how she was going to punish me for it as she kissed her way up my neck, covering my mouth with hers as I was trying to tell her we weren't alone._

_The noise of footsteps on the corridor evidence our oh so discreet fall hadn't gone unnoticed. _

_As we tried to untangle ourselves, me pushing her off me, one hand on her chest as I tried to get my towel back around me, Soph trying to wrap herself back into the fleece blanket she'd wrapped around herself, I found myself praying that it wasn't Lee, please don't be Lee._

_Hearing laughter we both stopped and looked up, Katy and Ches stood there laughing at us, the grin on Ches's face at the state of us said it all. Fucking perv catching a look at us. Katy realised where his eyes were fixed, (my hand on Soph's breast) and promptly smacked him one round his head, laughing at our startled expressions as we finally managed to get ourselves covered up. _

"_Good weekend girls?" she smiled down at us, offering Soph a hand to help her up off me, my poor girlfriend beetroot red with embarrassment, but smiling softly, well, it could have been worse eh? _

_She was half way up, one hand being dragged by a laughing Katy and Ches, the other hand still on me and I was just starting to get up myself when we heard the worse noise possible._

___"Well, well, well. What will your mum say?"_  



	16. Chapter 16

**Authors note:** I'm not a police officer so sometimes I may get things wrong. It fits in the story, I use it. Remember italics=memories.

**Authors note 2: **Thanks as always goes to my great proof reader Spof. She keeps me writing away and won't let up until I've finished another chapter...

**Authors note 3**: My characters swear. I've told them to pack the effing hell in, but they carry on regardless.

**x-0-x**

"_Well, well, well. What will your mum say?"_

**x-0-x**

"Oops"

I kept the back of my head firmly planted on the back of my headrest and rolled my head to the right to look across at Dan.

"So, that coulda gone better then?"

I had to smile at my mates response.

"Yeah, something like that mate." I turned to face the road again, squinting into the darkness against the glow from the orange street lights, willing the bastard who'd been lurking at Katy's house to just randomly turn up and give me something to do. Something to take my mood out on.

"Let's put in this way, she didn't finish what she'd started my friend." I ignored the pretend startled "No!" from the seat next to me and gave a sad, rueful smile.

"Yeah, amazing that eh? Imagine something as minor as that ruining the mood."

Switching on to work for a minute, I listened to the radio chatter going off from the rest of my shift and officers over the city. Nothing doing in our area that needed our attention, as I said, rain was a natural policeman. Quickly radioing Gerry to check he was OK, I carried on with my tale of woe. Telling Dan about how Sophie'd run after Lee begging him not to tell her mum or Rosie, that she wasn't ready yet. I'd just sat there on the floor wrapped up in my towel with Katy sitting next to me and Ches leaning on the door frame, more than a little stunned at the events. I mean, here was her opportunity to come clean, come out to her 'oldest mate' and she'd bottled it.

Disappointed? Me? Yeah, fucking sue me. It mightn't have been the nice sedate sit down and chat I think she had planned but sometimes the right time is kinda thrust on you and you just to front it up and just go for it, it picks you, you don't pick it. This was it, this was her moment, her chance to be herself.

And she fucking failed miserably.

Had gone running after the spiky haired trouble making shit bag and spent ages talking to him, leaving me sitting there on the floor like a fucking idiot with Katy hugging me. Not that I'd cry, nope. Not me.

_**x-0-x**_  
_  
It had taken a week to settle down between us. And I still had no idea why it had taken so long. We'd not done anything wrong. It wasn't my fault her stupid wanker of a mate had walked in on us lying on the ground laughing (yeah ok, there was the semi naked, probably had wild sex bit too). I think it was the fact I thought she was ashamed of me, ashamed of us. It has always been there, niggling in the background._

_If he didn't approve, so fucking what? She wasn't shagging him was she? She'd said so herself._

_And she could tell her parents and Rosie in her own time, they couldn't be that bad surely. No one could be as bad as the Neanderthal my dad had become._

_Katy had been the saviour again._

_Running interference with Lee so we could meet up and talk, try and repair our relationship, passing notes and messages between us. Generally being pretty damned spectacular. I was missing Ben like crazy and could have done with his calm influence so much. Ry had got distracted and distant and I didn't know why, I guess he'd tell me when he was ready. He certainly didn't seem to need my problems on top of his own as well as missing his best mate._

_I sat under a tree, wrapped up in a jumper and with a picnic basket close by. Katy had shoved it into my hands and told me to wait where I was currently sitting, classes be damned apparently. Leaning back against the solid trunk of the old tree, I grabbed my phone and sent Ben a text asking him how he was. The usual stuff we exchanged. I didn't want to let him know things had gone tits up just yet. Surprised when my phone buzzed at me almost straight away. I checked my watch knowing it must have been night time in L.A._

_**"She's on her way. Eat the food. Talk. Sort it out. You stubborn bitches need your heads banging together. x"**_

_So, not Ben then._

_Squinting at the unseasonal warm sun that seemed to be directed in my eyes, I spotted the dark head of my... girlfriend?... ex? Fuck buddy? Nah, scratch that, she was more than a fuck buddy to me but what was I to her? Sighing, I watched her approach my location. Drinking in the sight of her as she walked towards me. I'd been starved of her for a week and I was grumpy._

_She ran her hand through those dark locks and it was so damned sexy. Christ, if that's all she had to do to make me drool, we'd never get anything sorted._

_Unceremoniously landing on the blanket next to me with a grunt, the two of us sat there not talking and certainly not looking at each other._  
_When did talking to each other become so fucking hard? I sighed and turned my phone over in my hand. Nerves starting to take over. Being the genius that I am, I looked at my phone, willing Ben to text me back, Ry to call, Katy to text and call me a useless twat, anything._

_I switched the lock off and cast a quick glance at Sophie. She was staring straight ahead, not looking my way at all._

_Opening a new message I wrote **"Hi, I miss you."**Pressing send, I waited for the message to arrive at its destination, not surprised to see Sophie grab at her phone and then snort with laughter when she read my message. Casting a sly look at me, I watched her quickly rattle off a reply. To me I hoped._

_Smiling when my phone buzzed in my hand. Yup_

_**"Missed you too.**" Looking up at her from under my eyelashes, I replied._

_**"When did talking to each other become so hard?"**_

_I glanced at Sophie as she sighed, staring at my text._

_There's too much fucking sighing going on in my life lately. Dropping my phone into my pocket I placed my hands into my lap, refusing to sigh. Told ya. Too much fucking sighing had gone on in the last week._

_Sophie broke the silence first._

_"I dunno". She reached her hand out and grabbed mine, still not looking at me. I refused her attempts at trying to pull me closer to her. For once I wasn't going to give as easily. Katy was right, we actually did need to sort this out. Bang our heads together so to speak. My refusal to budge from my position caused her to actually look at me. I could see it out of the corner of my eye. My stubborn nature rearing its ugly head._

_Letting the silence settle back over us for a few minutes_

_"You make me feel like I'm a dirty fucking secret Sophie." I turned and looked at her. As I snarled out how I really felt. The surprise at my using her full name evident on her face after weeks and months of calling her Soph. I think the tone of my voice got her too. Not angry, not annoyed, not upset... just... disappointed? Ah shit, I hated it when someone used the D word on me, and here was I thinking it about her. At least I hadn't said it. I'd learned from Ben's calm manner in the past few months and managed to rein my temper in a little. Didn't mean I still wasn't pissed off with her though._

_Snatching her hand away, I heard yet more sighing from her direction. I wanted to look back at her, seriously, I really did, gauge her emotions and all that, but there was grit in the air or something as my eyes was filling up and I didn't want her to see me looking pathetic. So there I sat, back to staring straight ahead._

_"I make you feel like a dirty fucking secret? What the fuck Sian?" Yup, she was kicking off and I was pretty sure this wasn't what Katy had in mind when she told us to talk and sort it out. I could hear the slight wobble in her voice as she started telling me about how bad a girlfriend I could be at times, pushing her to come out and her family had always sounded so homophobic and really shouldn't I understand? I let her vent at me, guessing this conversation really was overdue. Then of course I couldn't resist sniping back at her. It was a bloody good job there wasn't anyone around to hear us yelling at each other._

_I mean, what the hell was wrong with holding hands in public? Were her family really that bad? They'd never know if she didn't tell them (and I'd lay odds that they weren't all that bad, my dad's homophobia had been there from the start when I'd thought back about it.) On and on our row went, still not resolved half an hour later. During a ceasefire period between us, Sophie abruptly stood up, glaring down at me._

_"You know, if I'm such hard work why do you bother then Sian? Forget it." And with that she turned and started to walk away. Realising this was a kind of all or nothing moment, I scrambled to my feet._

_"Because I love you that's why..." I screamed out._

_Now, if I was the 'Valley Girl' stereotype kind of girl, (you know the type, they say the word 'like' repeatedly, make punctuation marks with their hands in the air and say OMG all the time); I'd have comically placed my hand over my mouth in an 'OMG' manner. Buuuuut, I'm not one, so I just stood there a little taken aback at blurting out my feelings out like that. Sophie just stood still, back turned to me. I stood still. The next move was down to her._

_As she turned around, I watched her take a deep breath and look at me._

_"I know you do, but I'm..." She paused, "you push me too much Sian, I don't know what to do. Just... I dunno, just give me some time." And with that she left me standing there, wrapping her arms and cardigan around herself as she hurried away from me._

_Sitting back down again heavily with a bump, I grabbed my phone and sent Katy a text._

_**"Thanks for trying Katy, but I think she just dumped me. And yes, I told her I loved her, and no she didn't return the sentiment."**_

_I looked across, movement out of the corner of my eye catching my attention. A familiar looking student standing there, gawping at my life falling apart before his eyes probably._

_"WHAT?" I bellowed. Taking my frustrations out on him before grabbing the blanket and picnic basket and stomping off who knows where. I stomped in the general direction Sophie had headed with every intention of finding out how she felt about me, she had a good head start on me, but I reckoned I knew where she'd disappear to. Marching off, I grabbed my phone as it buzzed in my hand._

_**"FFS Sian, not the desired result.**" No fucking shit Sherlock. I rolled my eyes and read the rest of the text. **"I'll let you know if she comes back here. Keep your chin up babe, it'll work out."**_

_My chin up, what the fuck did she think I was doing? Crying in the rain? Grumbling to myself I carried on in the direction I hoped Sophie had gone. I almost fell over in shock when I eventually found her. I'd checked the library, blustering my way past the bulldog at reception as I didn't have my card on me. I think I looked so wild and desperate (and probably a little crazy, being as I was talking to myself about how unreasonable Sophie was being) that she just gave in in the end and opened the barrier for me. Jogging up to the sociology section I found her sitting on the floor, knees tucked under her chin and her eyes red from crying._

_Sighing (yes, more bloody sighing) I watched the anger and fight walk away from me as she looked up at me. Walking slowly towards her, I dropped the picnic basket on the floor and slumped next to her. Exhausted. _

_"Sorry" was mumbled at me and a heavy head was dropped onto my shoulder. 'I'm scared, I'm sorry alright, I'm scared.' I hushed her after listening to her repeat herself for another half an hour or so. _

_"S'ok, we'll meet in the middle or something eh?" She seemed to settle at that and hunger getting the better of us, we savaged the food Katy had made us before finally leaving once night had fallen. Creeping back into the halls, I dragged Sophie into my room, giving her a gentle kiss before telling her we'd sort something out. She ducked her head before looking back up and gently caressing my cheek with her hand and whispering goodnight._

_Letting her out the door and watching her close her door behind me, I still couldn't get the nagging feeling to go away. I'd told her I loved her and she'd said nothing in return. Closing my own door, I looked down at the floor as a piece of paper caught my attention. Picking it up I read it._

_**"Sian, let me know when you find her and where you are? Katy x"**_

_Dropping into my bed fully clothed and exhausted, I reminded myself to text Katy tomorrow if I didn't see her and fell asleep._

_I woke with a jolt the next day, well, I assume the next day. You know when you wake up all disorientated from a deep sleep? That was me. Hair sticking up everywhere and a crease down my face from the pillow. _

_Hearing the commanding knock on my door again, I staggered to my feet and opened the door to find two police officers standing there.  
What the fuck?_

_"Sian Powers?"_

_I nodded._

_"We'd like you to accompany us to the station please. We have some questions we need to ask you."  
_


	17. Chapter 17

**Authors note:** I'm not a police officer so sometimes I may get things wrong. It fits in the story, I use it. Remember italics=memories.

**Authors note 2: **Thanks as always goes to my great proof reader Spof. She keeps me writing away and won't let up until I've finished another chapter...

**Authors note 3**: My characters swear. I've told them to pack the effing hell in, but they carry on regardless.

**x-0-x**

"_Sian Powers?"_

_I nodded._

"_We'd like you to accompany us to the station please. We have some questions we need to ask you."_

_**x-0-x**_

_I stood in the door to my little room, blinking at the harsh hall lighting. The noise from them knocking on my door waking up everyone on the corridor by the looks of the other open doors. Sophie's upset face peaking out opposite me, Katy and Ches's faces looking confused and Lee's ugly mug smirking at me. _

_Still standing there utterly confused and brain going at a million miles an hour trying to figure out what I'd done, the Dean of the house stepped into my vision._

"_Sian, lets just step into your room for a minute ok?" And obeying her cause I honestly had no idea what else to do, I stepped aside and let her pass along with the two officers, closing the door quickly behind them, but not quick enough to block out Lee's loud gloat about me being a grubby little thief._

_Resting my back against the closed door, I looked at the three unwelcome intruders to my personal space. The Dean looked at the two coppers standing there looking as uncomfortable as I felt, then back to me. _

"_Sian, a serious accusation has been made against you, you need to go to the station with these officers as answer their questions." I blinked, still half asleep and seriously wondering what the fuck was going on. Nodding my understanding when the repeated herself and asked if I understood, I ran my hands through my hair and reopened the door. I was ready to go, I'd even fallen asleep in my shoes the previous night for Christ's sake. _

_Grabbing my phone, wallet and a coat I waited for my three unwelcome visitors to leave my little sanctuary, closed and locked the door and followed them towards the stairs, eyes on the floor and unwilling to look at anyone, only looking back once and seeing Lee comforting Sophie and looking like a smug prick. He had something to do with this didn't he? Well, with whatever 'this' was. The more I thought about it as I trudged to the police car, the more it made sense. _

_Sitting in the back of the police car, I cast a quick glance up at the windows of the Cartmel building, hoping to see a glimpse of Sophie, confused as hell over what was going on and being utterly gutted when I couldn't see her._

_x-0-x_

_The short distance to the tiny police station in Lancaster didn't take long and I was quickly ushered into an interview room, the Dean accompanying me in as I had no one else yet and I was apparently only being 'questioned' and not arrested. Sitting in the small windowless room at a tiny table with me and the Dean of my house on one side and two empty chairs on the other, I don't think I'd ever felt so low or isolated in my entire life. Sitting waiting for the officers to come in, I looked at the Dean, asking her what had gone on. She'd just smiled, not unkindly, and said it was a serious accusation and I needed to hear what they had to say and she's probably only explain it wrong. I know she was only doing what she thought was right, but all I wanted was a hug. I wanted Sophie, Ben, Ryan, my mum, my dad, anyone other than this well meaning woman who I didn't know._

_Keeping my head down until the two officers entered the room and sat down opposite me. I looked up to see them shuffling papers around on the desk and placing a new tape in the tape recorder. _

_The male officer started talking, stating his name, the time and date, who was present in the room and the fact that I apparently wasn't under arrest but was being questioned about the disappearance of peoples property from the corridor._

_What the fuck? I sat there blinking even harder in the harsh office lighting, the strip lighting overhead flickering and buzzing just to piss me off that little bit more. I was asked again and again if I knew anything about the disappearance of the food. I shook my head no, explaining my theory that it was just students being lazy arsed students and using someone else's, and yeah hadn't some of mine gone missing too? _

_But I hadn't reported anything missing. And then mine had stopped being taken. _

_And Lee had. Every fucking thing down to the last baked bean. The Dean sitting next to me confirmed it. _

_And then there was the disappearance of the stuff he'd been whining about last time coupled with a new loss of his beloved iPod today. And where exactly was I when it had gone missing? I'd stopped at that. Hesitated just that fraction too long while I quickly mulled over saying I was with Soph and she could provide me with an alibi. Then remembering how far into Narnia she fucking was, I'd let my head drop back a little, finally straightened up (ironic eh?) and said I was with a girl I didn't want to name._

_Both coppers just looked at each other. It was pretty easy to guess that wasn't the right answer, but now I'd stubbornly stuck my neck out for the woman I loved I couldn't go back. She'd said I'd kept pushing her too far and I didn't want to out her to the world._

_I protested, said it wasn't me, Lee hated me and had accused me because... and then stopped again. Both coppers leaning forward in their seats, but... nothing. I couldn't out her like this. She'd come forward on her own, I knew it. We'd been a little patchy with all the Lee shit, but she wouldn't let me wallow. I'd have a chat with her when I got back. I knew she'd be fine with it once I'd explained I'd not wanted to out her and none of this rubbish was me, just Lee's bigoted and jealous mind. _

_After an hours grilling on my whereabouts complete with my mentioning that I'd been in the library that evening too they'd let me go with the final comment that they'd be in touch and would be investigating further and made me leave them further contact details. I refused a lift back to the student accommodation, wanting to get some fresh air on the walk back. Turning my mobile phone on and finding no messages waiting for me I almost felt like lashing it against a wall. The busy reception area of the station buzzing around me as I just stared at my phone. Well, that was just great. She really did care didn't she? Shoving my phone in my pocket and angrily wiping away the tears that had suddenly sprung up from the corner of my eyes, I was about to stalk off and have another argument with Sophie when I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder, making me jump. _

_I looked into the gentle brown eyes of the female copper who had interviewed me... PC...Martin that was it._

"_You OK Miss Powers? Do you need a lift back to the campus?" She stood waiting patiently while I struggled to get my bloody leaky eyes back under control before grasping my elbow with her hand and leading me outside and leaning me against a secluded wall. Relaxing against the wall next to me, hands in pockets she let me cry out my frustrations before handing me a tissue and turning away discreetly as I dabbed at my eyes and blew my nose._

"_Miss Powers" she started before waiting for me to look at her, "Sian. We know you're not telling us something. " I blinked, well, I'd known they realised that when I hesitated earlier. "You know, if it is something that can help you, that can help US, you need to be honest." She paused, gentling her voice. "Who are you protecting Sian? Is it worth being wrongly accused?"_

_I put my head down knowing she was right but also knowing Soph'd come forward and tell them the truth. I was sure of it. Wasn't I? _

_She looked at me some more before taking a card out of her shirt pocket. _

"_Here you go. We have your details. If you change your mind and want to tell me what you're currently not saying... this is my contact details at the station." Patting my shoulder and leaving me with a "we'll be in touch Miss Powers" she ambled back into the station leaving me to mull over my own thoughts._

_Stuffing the card into my pocket I took a slow walk through the town, ending up in the coffee shop I worked in and letting the kindly owners mother me with coffee whilst they didn't pressure me for answers about my sane life. I don't think I could have answered them anyway. "My life's an episode of Jeremy Kyle where my girlfriends in the closet and I suspect her jealous male best friend has set me up to get me out of the picture." Yup. Maybe Jerry Springer would be a better choice for it. Making my coffee last for an hour I smiled my thanks and waving goodbye I headed back to campus, finally arriving when it was dark. _

_Too ashamed to be seen in the daylight. I'd managed to sneak into the building and was just heading for the stairs when I heard the whispers start. People on other corridors obviously aware of me being questioned. As soon as they realised I'd heard them, the whispers would stop. I'd climbed to my floor, through two floors of whispers and stares and stood there. No doors were open, nothing. I tapped gently on Sophie's door, but there was answer. You know something? Fuck them. Fuck them with their attitudes towards my slight accent, towards me being gay, to every fucking thing. I'd told Sophie I loved her and she'd said fuck all. Fuck her. She'd not even sent me a text. _

_Opening my door and slipping in, I stood in the small space I'd loved, it was mine, and now, over reaction or not it felt violated. Not bothering to turn on the lights I walked to my wardrobe and grabbed a heavy jumper, the lighter one I'd had on earlier no barrier to the colder weather in the evening. Throwing the hoodie on, I headed back to my door, cursing when my foot slipped on something on the carpet. Leaning down and grabbing the offending item I opened and then locked my door behind me looking at the piece of folded paper in my hand. My name on the front of it in Sophie's distinctive writing. Well, great I could well imagine what this was. I screwed the paper up in my hand and shoved it into my pocket._

_Fuck it and fuck her. Seeing Sophie's bin outside her door where she must have left it after emptying it, I took a swing with my right foot, letting my frustrations and temper getting the better of me; smiling as I made a satisfying connection and it clanged down the corridor, the sound echoing off the walls._

_FUCK HER. _

_Turning around as I heard doors opening I didn't stop or even turn around to the quiet voice saying my name and asking me to wait. Marching off to who knows where, back through the wall of accusing stares and whispers about me being a thief and the police turned up dontcha know? I ran into the crisp evening air. Wandering aimlessly until I found myself outside Ryan's accommodation. I bit down the nerves and entered the building, once again trying to blend in with the background as people noticed me. The glorious news of my being hauled away by the bizzies had obviously started to do the rounds, courtesy of Lee the prick and his cronies I reckoned. _

_Head down I made my way to Ry's room, knocking on the door and shuffling on the spot uncomfortably aware of how exposed I felt and seriously wishing the ground would open up and swallow me. Oh shit, what if Ry was 'entertaining'. I started to back away not wanting to disturb my friend when the door opened. _

"_Sian? Thank fuck" Ryan grabbed my hand and dragged me into his room, throwing the phone he had in his hand onto the bed and shutting the door with his other hand before wrapping me up in a hug. It was enough to undo me completely. All I'd wanted was a hug off someone and here it was, but sadly not off the people I'd desperately wanted. I wasn't being ungrateful don't get me wrong, but as lovely as Ryan was as a friend and as nice and warm as his hugs were he wasn't Sophie._

_We'd ended up sitting on his bed, me snuggled into his side as I told him everything that had happened in the past 24 hours. He'd been trying to get in touch with me, but my phone had been off when I was in the station and really how about if Sophie'd tried the same thing. I grumbled him. Fucking Mr Rational taking over from Ben. Still trying to keep the moral high ground I grabbed the letter she'd left under my door from out of my pocket and waved it at him. Chuckling at me, Ry got up and flicked his kettle on._

"_And have you read it?"_

_I looked at him, leaning back against his desk with a raised eyebrow. _

_Git._

"_No." I looked at the crumpled folded piece of paper. "Why do I need to? I know what it says." I threw the paper on the bed while Ry made us some tea, accepting the hot cup of sweet liquid that was given to me as he resumed his position sitting next to me. Grabbing the paper in his free hand, he raised that eyebrow at me again silently asking for permission. Nodding as I took a sip of tea, I listened to the rustle of paper as Ryan opened the page and then read it. _

"_Seems pretty self explanatory to me." He shoved the paper under my nose, making me read it._

"_**Sian, we need to talk, let me know when you're back."**_

_Yup, as I thought (and told Ry) pretty self explanatory to me, she wanted to bin me off. Ryan wasn't having it, stating he thought she just wanted to talk to me but we weren't going to argue. Reaching up and turning off the light he dragged me down and let me snuggle up to him, knowing I didn't want to go back to my room and face anyone, even though he said I was just raw and upset after the bollocks from the police. Feeling him give me a gentle kiss on the head and telling me it'd seem different tomorrow I nodded off to sleep._


	18. Chapter 18

**Authors note:** I'm not a police officer so sometimes I may get things wrong. It fits in the story, I use it. Remember italics=memories.

**Authors note 2: **Thanks as always goes to my great proof reader Spof. She keeps me writing away and won't let up until I've finished another chapter...

**Authors note 3**: My characters swear. I've told them to pack the effing hell in, but they carry on regardless.

_**x-0-x**_

"_**Sian, we need to talk, let me know when you're back."**_

_Yup, as I thought (and told Ry) pretty self explanatory to me, she wanted to bin me off. Ryan wasn't having it, stating he thought she just wanted to talk to me but we weren't going to argue. Reaching up and turning off the light he dragged me down and let me snuggle up to him, knowing I didn't want to go back to my room and face anyone, even though he said I was just raw and upset after the bollocks from the police. Feeling him give me a gentle kiss on the head and telling me it'd seem different tomorrow I nodded off to sleep._

_**x-0-x** _

_Of course he was wrong._

_Getting up the next morning late for class, I noticed lots of boxes stuffed in the corner of Ry's room I hadn't noticed the previous night. Ryan just looked at me._

"_I errrr" he shoved his hands in his pockets, "I'm going to leave I think. I hate my course and I think I want to go travelling for a while." I just blinked. Fucking brilliant, now my only real mate left on the campus was leaving me too? "I was going to tell you mate, but all this shit hit the fan yesterday." I nodded, he had a point."Wanna cuppa?" I shook my head no, explaining that I should really get to class. Ryan nodded and gave me another hug whispering 'good luck' in my ear and 'we'd talk later', letting me go and sort myself out . _

_Heading back to my room, I decided to blow my first lesson off, checking my watch I realised I'd never make it in time and I certainly didn't want to make a scene by entering late. Lurking around until I figured that everyone I wanted to avoid would have left, I skulked into the building, keeping my head down until I managed to quietly reach the so called sanctity of my room. Closing the door behind me, I looked down at the floor to see more paper left for me with familiar writing on the top. Fan-fucking-tastic. Stepping over it and flicking my kettle on, I quickly my my coffee and leaned against my window sill, staring at the paper on the floor, remembering Ryan's words from last night; that he thought Sophie just wanted to talk to me. Well, whatever she wanted to tell me, I wasn't going to know by hiding away. Steeling myself against more rejection, I walked forward and picked the paper off the floor, surprised to find more than one piece there._

_Sitting on my bed I opened the first one, Sophie's. _

"_**Sian, We really need to talk. I don't really wanna tell you things by text, and I've tried calling you, but your phones not on" **huh? Shit! I grabbed by phone. Yup, it was off. Plugging it into the charger I turned back to my "Dear John" letter. **"Katy says she's tried getting a hold of you too. What's going on Sian? Call me."**_

_Well, it really didn't tell me anything either way. Placing the note down, I opened the envelope to the other one. _

_Oh shit._

"_**Dear Ms Powers, after your recent questioning by the police, the Dean has made an urgent appointment to see you this morning at 10.30am to discuss your position here at the university."**_

_Well, double shit._

_Checking my watch, I realised I'd have just enough time to freshen up. Gulping my coffee down, I grabbed my shower, anything to take my mind off things, until I could put it off no longer and, in what felt like seconds later I found myself sitting in a chair by the Deans secretary; grasping my hands together to disguise their shaking._

_Checking my pocket for my phone again, yes I had it, yes it had some sort of a battery life on it and yes the ringer was off, I looked up as the secretary called my name, and smiling gently, told me the Dean would see me now. On shaky legs, I stood and made my way into the office. _

_The Dean wasn't an unkindly lady, I know she wasn't but I had to listen as she explained that my position was untenable under current circumstances just as my phone started to vibrate in my pocket. Asking if I could check the caller, the Dean tutted but agreed I could answer it when I saw it was the police. _

_And my life just got even better. _

_They had more questions for me._

_I explained what had happened to the Dean and that I needed to go to the station. She'd simply nodded and agreed. I listened as the Dean told me she would have to suspend me from my classes due to the allegations, and 'to protect me'. _

_Yeah right. Protect me. _

_Managing to thank the Dean for suspending me and allowing me to still live on the campus (so fucking gracious of her), I headed for my car, resigned to getting the meeting with the police out of the way. Head down, collar up against the bitter wind, I ignored the stares, getting in my car and headed for the station, wishing this journey was longer than it was too. _

_Resting my left cheek against my arms on the steering wheel, I watched the sudden rain shower hammering down around me through the window, wondering what the fuck had gone wrong. It was Lee. That's what had gone wrong. He'd been fucking born. Taking a deep breath in, I gathered up all my remaining strength and got out of my car into the pouring rain before running for the station. _

_**x-0-x**_

_I'd ended up back in the same interview room with the same coppers. PC Plod and that nice female copper, PC Martin. And then the questions started again... no I wasn't under arrest but could I explain why there was no record of me entering the library when I said I did, why there was an iPod matching the description of Lee's in a Cash Converter store along with other items of his. Why they were waiting for the CCTV footage from the store?_

_Why why why._

_And I either didn't know or couldn't, no actually, WOULDN'T explain. They knew I was hiding something, well, not hiding, just not telling, and I'm pretty sure the female copper played for the same team and knew I was protecting someone, but my stupid loyalty kept me from telling. Yeah, I was a stupid fucking idiot, and sadly still in love with Sophie. You can yell at me if you like. Ryan did._

_Another hour later found me headed back to the campus, the polices words ringing in my ears._

…_..more evidence...possible arrest...is it really worth it? Who was I protecting?...The Dean was pushing for a fast investigation and don't leave the area without permission..._

_Head utterly mashed, I pulled up by Cartmel and getting out of my car, headed for the entrance before turning around and heading for Ryan's instead. Checking my phone on the way and finding only a message from Katy asking me to text her, Sophie was worried._

_Huh, so fucking worried she'd not contacted me._

_Shoving my phone into my pocket, I walked the short distance to Ryan's block before ringing him to check it was OK for me to drop in. Pleased and relieved with the "course you idiot" reply, I entered the building, hood up trying to blend into the wall, only relaxing when I reached the calm of Ryan's room and he'd shut the door behind me._

_I sank onto the floor, telling him everything that had gone on and listening to him being Mr Rational again when I showed him Katy's text and the lack of anything from Sophie._

"_You've not replied to her Sian, maybe she's scared you're blaming her for this" I glared at him as he flopped onto the floor next me, both our backs against his bed._

"_I AM blaming her Ry, all she needed to do was come forward and say we were together." I took a sip of the can he handed me, buying me some time to compose myself, simmering with anger at my girlfriends lack of doing anything getting to me and then getting pissed off at myself as fresh angry tears welled up in my eyes. "I just can't out her, I'd never do that." Ry placed an arm around me, letting me cry myself out yet again. Jesus. I owed the guy so much for his laundry bills. All I did lately was sob over him. "I haven't done anything wrong Ry." Leaked out of me. He simply wrapped me up tighter, mumbling he knew and it'd all work out for the best. God I hoped he was right, he was leaving and I couldn't see me lasting here a minute without him, Ben and Sophie. The desire to run away was strong, but go where? _

_The rest of the day was spent with me avoiding leaving the room and watching DVD's. I just couldn't bring myself to answer the texts Katie sent me. Yeah, Katie. No Sophie, although Katie's texts indicated she was worried about me. Not worried enough to call me or text me obviously. Ry took my keys, telling me he'd go and grab me some fresh clothes for the morning. He returned an hour later with a bag of clothes, a couple of pieces of note paper, and what suspiciously looked like a bruise on his knuckles refusing to talk about how he got it. Or how he packed me any underwear other than "I closed my eyes and grabbed stuff." I'd shrugged, fair enough. He'd been awesome to me, and I certainly wasn't going to complain. _

_I'd checked the notes. Letting Ry read them. One from the Deans office, confirming what had happened in the interview, that I was suspended. And the second one? Yeah, another note from Sophie asking me to call her. Apparently she wanted to talk to me but was scared. Well wasn't that just the story of her life. Scared, always with the fucking scared, always with the fucking hiding from her parents finding out. I'd simply screwed the paper into a ball and into the bin._

_Lying on the floor of Ryan's room (I'd finally persuaded him that he didn't need to be a gentleman all the time), I stared at the ceiling, relaxing my hands back under my head._

_Why did Sophie have to be such a fucking coward? _

_**x-0-x**_

_And that was my life for the next three days. _

_Other than my once a day reporting to the local police station, all I did was eat, sleep, watch TV and help Ry pack. All in Ry's room. I only went to my room in the dead of night or when I knew there was definitely no one on the corridor to see me to grab fresh clothing and pick up any post under my door. Even the notes from Katy and Sophie stopped as did the texts. I'd nearly bumped into Lee once, managing to avoid him seeing me, but still seeing the fading bruise on his cheek as he passed me. A yellow/green bruise which suspiciously looked the exact size of Ryan's fist. I'd smiled at the sight of that. Good old Ryan. His mum really had brought him up right. I'd just wished he hadn't had to step up to the plate and be such a stand up guy. I knew he'd been talking to Ben too. An email off him the previous day had announced to me that he knew what had gone on and that he believed me. I hoped to God I could one day repay their faith in me. He'd be gone in a couple of days too. Leaving me to fend for myself._

_But._

_The fourth day was different. _

_The fourth day was liberating._

_PC Martin was waiting for me the minute I set foot in the station to sign in that I'd not done a runner from the country. Beckoning me to follow her, I was led back into that stupid little room and we both sat down. Just the two of us, no little tape player. Now I was no expert in police procedure (at the time anyway), but I reckoned that if they were going to arrest me and charge me surely there'd be a tape player. And another copper. And she wouldn't be smiling would she?_

_Leaning forward, PC Martin smiled gently. "You're free to go Sian, anywhere you like. We've found the truth out and you've nothing to answer."_

_I sat back a little stunned. Huh. I blinked, squeaking out "free? You know I did nothing then?"_

_Linking her fingers in front of her the police woman smiled gently, "yeah, I always knew you hadn't, we just needed the truth. Took us a bit longer cause you acted all noble and quite frankly, stupid" she paused, "don't be so stupid in future Sian, make better decisions with your life ok? This could have gone drastically wrong."_

_She stood up and held her hand out for me to shake. Standing up I returned the gesture still stunned and let the kindly officer lead me out of the building. Standing at the exit feeling utterly free, I impetuously threw my arms around the copper thanking her. "We've informed your Dean and the university. You have my number Sian, if you have any problems after this, not that you should, give me a ring."_

_Told you it was liberating. My reputation was restored. I could go back to university. Question was, did I want to? I don't remember getting back to the halls, but it seemed it only took seconds and I was stood inside Ryan's room, hugging him and crying with relief, managing to get sob the details out as he was laughing and spinning me around._

"_But that's brilliant Sian, we knew you were innocent." Smacking me on my shoulder, he grinned. "Now what? I leave the day after tomorrow." My good mood dropped slightly. Shit yeah, he was. _

"_I don't know Ry. I don't fit here any more. The whispering won't go away, you know that." I looked down at the floor. "I think I want to leave, but I don't know where." _

_Ryan was quiet for a minute, before smiling. "Come with me. My mum won't mind you staying with us for a bit and maybe you can come travelling for a year. Start uni again next year after some travelling."_

_He was right I knew. I couldn't stay here. Even though the police had come to the right conclusion my name was tarnished forever. Deciding he was right, I slowly nodded. "Yeah, I'll come with you to your mum's, after that I don't know, maybe I will come with you."_

_The evening had found us eating burgers in Lancaster, taking the afternoon to sort things out. I'd told the Dean I was leaving as soon as possible. She'd tried to talk me out of my decision,but had finally understood my decision. She promised to have the paperwork organised and sent to Ryan's mum's address and told me to come back next year for a fresh start. My bosses in the coffee shop and hugged me and offered me references if ever I needed them, wishing me luck and not to worry over giving such short notice._

_I'd decided to stay in my own place that night. Digging out the boxes I'd had when I moved in and throwing almost everything into them in short time ready for the move in two days time. The corridor was eerily quiet. I marched out onto the corridor after finishing packing, deciding to front up Lee, the arrogant bastard. Hammering shit out of his door with my fists, there was no reply. I gave the door a kick for good measure before going into the kitchen and deciding whether to exact revenge by super-gluing everyone's locks on their cupboards. Calming myself down, I took a deep breath and walked away. Nah, they weren't worth it. I stalked down the corridor and was almost at my door by the stairwell as I heard voices. I gave a grim smile as I saw my...what? Girlfriend? Ex girlfriend? as she reached the top of the stairs with a girl I didn't recognise._

_The look on her face was almost fucking comical._

"_Sian. Oh my god, I've been..." _

_I wasn't going to let her finish, not this time. She'd left me to fucking rot and I was going to have my say, just this once. I sneered at her._

"_You've what? Been hiding in your fucking closet Sophie?" I stalked her, backing her up and ignoring the other girl she was nothing to me. As was Sophie with how I felt right now. "Is is nice in Narnia love?" I ignored her pleading eyes at my harsh tone and possibly outing her. "What's the matter babe?" I ran my hand down her cheek in a mocking gesture from how gentle I normally was with her. "Shocked to see me free and found innocent of everything so you can run off with your lying boyfriend."_

"_N-no" she stuttered out. "I know you were innocent I t-tried...I went..." I wasn't going to let her finish, I was leaving and had no intention of ever seeing her again. If I was going to come back to university, it wouldn't be here, everything was ruined for me here, my safe haven had been destroyed._

"_Is there a sentence in there babe?" Sophie's companion made the mistake of trying to interrupt me. I didn't even look at her as I pointed a finger in her general direction and telling her to shut the fuck up it was nothing to do with her. _

"_I hate you." I said it simply and with as much venom as I could muster. "I fucking hate what you turned me into. Soft, nice, fucking tame like a pet always in the background, never allowed to hold your hand in public." I backed off a little. "Never again Sophie. I'll never let anyone that close again. Have a nice life." I walked into my room and slammed the door shut. Leaning my head against the door as I heard a newly arrived Katy comforting Sophie as she cried pathetically, I desperately tried to stop myself from going out there to wrap her up and comfort her. Punching the door gently in my frustration. That was the thing wasn't it? I didn't hate her really. I loved her. _

_Fuck._

_I ignored the hammering on my door off an angry Katy, I threw the increasingly angry notes back out into the corridor when I knew it was empty and just sat on my bare mattress, knees tucked under my chin as I cried. _

_I cried for what had been, I cried what what we could have had before she ruined it with Lee. Basically I cried myself to sleep that night, eventually dropping off in the early hours before getting up the next day and waiting until the angry knocking on my doors had stopped and everyone had left for class before loading up my car with all my worldly belongings. Looking at my Liverpool mug, broken from our first meeting, I picked it out from the top of one of the last boxes I had to pack. Looking at the bin I'd left outside my door, I looked at the mug with its broken handle. _

_Fuck it. Fresh start and all that, I placed the mug in the bin and threw my phone in next to it. Carrying my last box down to the car, I moved my car to underneath the window to Ryan's room where I could keep an eye on it overnight. _

_And that was that, room left, keys handed in and the evening was spent in a local pub before we were both ready to go in the morning._

_Feeling restless from my position on Ryan's floor, I quietly stood up, not wanting to disturb Ry. Walking to the window, I glanced down into the car park dully lit with amber 'security' lighting, startled to see a dark figure standing still and looking up at the window. Arms wrapped around herself, (I somehow knew it was a she) hood up, I instinctively knew it was Sophie. I watched the figure walk over to my car fiddle with the windscreen wiper for a minute and glance back once more before walking away, arms wrapped around herself._

_In the morning before we were leaving, my car laden down with both of our possessions, I plucked a note from under my windscreen wiper and read the familiar hand writing._

"_**I'm sorry. I love you".**_

_Yeah right. Screwing the note up and shoving it in my pocket, I left my past behind me and drove to Manchester with Ryan._


	19. Chapter 19

**Authors note:** I'm not a police officer so sometimes I may get things wrong. It fits in the story, I use it. Smack rat=drug abuser (it's slang from where I live)

**Authors note 2: **Thanks as always goes to my great proof reader Spof. She keeps me writing away and won't let up until I've finished another chapter...

**Authors note 3**: My characters swear. I've told them to pack the effing hell in, but they carry on regardless.

_**x-0-x**_

"_**I'm sorry. I love you".**_

_Yeah right. Screwing the note up and shoving it in my pocket, I left my past behind me and drove to Manchester with Ryan._

_**x-0-x**_

"Shit"

I looked across at Dan.

"Yup." The rest of it I'd explained to Dan. Ry's mum Michelle had treated me like a daughter and mothered me completely, which was just what I'd needed. I'd nurtured the insane idea of joining the police. Talked over with her about how I wanted to help people like PC Martin had done for me, and after calling the friendly policewoman, had gone for it with the knowledge if there were any questions about that incident she would deal with it.

And amazingly it had taken six months and PC Martin had been true to her word and had informed the Human Resource department of her investigations when the incident had been brought up, but ironically confidentiality preventing me from knowing the full details. Still, I'd got in to Greater Manchester Police. Michelle had made me stay with her even when Ryan had gone off on his travels, letting me use my wages to save up for my own place and dragging me out to the Village for drinks too, helping me start living again instead of just existing. The guys had met her and loved her instantly, and I missed her terribly now she'd gone away with her man Keiran while he worked on a cruise ship. I could have done with her wise words and comforting shoulder to cry on.

Everything else he knew. I'd lucked out on my stationing and ended up with him and Claire and the rest of them which helped me with slowly coming out of my shell again. And then, bam, seeing her in the Village and it had brought it all out again.

I looked at him with tired eyes as we continued patrolling in the pissy Manchester weather, my throat sore from all the talking and the emotion of those awful last few weeks. "So now will you leave me the fuck alone about it Dan?" He kept his eyes on the road as we drove around for the remaining time of our shift, moving his hand across to pat mine in sympathy once or twice, new age man that he was.

Thankfully, the shift was a bust, we headed in for the final half an hour for a debrief and quick filling in of any paperwork before heading for home. Changing into my street clothes, I headed past Claire's office door as she finished her handover to the day crew, stopping when she told me to wait for her. Walking out after finishing her report, she slung an arm around my shoulders as we walked to the car park, nodding greetings to officers we knew on the way.

"Sooooooo, don't have a go at Dan, but he told me what had gone on tonight." She paused, waiting for me to kick off at her, but I was too tired to bite and I knew Dan had only done the right thing. Claire was not only my friend but also my sergeant and superior officer, and I knew she was worried really. I nodded and gave her a tired smile. "That's all in the past Sian, but you need to deal with it and not let it affect your work OK?" We stopped by my car and I opened the door, ready to go as Claire left me with her parting words. "You need to sort things out Sian, maybe now is the time to ask her why she didn't stick up for you so you can move on. You've got us now, she can only hurt you if you let her. We're your family." she gave me a sly smile, "and you're not getting out of dinner with me Ash and the kids either. They've missed you. You're their favourite toy."

I laughed at her and agreed. A meal with Claire's family was always fun and her kids did indeed treat me like their favourite toy, climbing all over me and then normally falling asleep on me once they'd exhausted themselves. No wonder she loved me so much. With a wry 'goodnight' to each other (it was seven across in the morning after all) we headed in our separate ways.

Heading home by way of a McDonalds to pick up one of their breakfasts, I ate my food while switching my laptop on and letting my emails load up. Stuffing one half of a hash brown in my mouth, I checked the screen as it beeped at me to say I had new mail.

Sweet. Mail from Ry, Ben and Michelle, Ry's mum.

Raising my eyebrows at the size of the file Ryan had sent me and not wanting to be up too long I moved on to Michelle's email, opening it and laughing at the block capital typing yelling at me, demanding to know 'what the fuck was going on'. She'd had a garbled message off Ryan about "that bitch Webster" and did I want her to fly back? Oh and Keiran says hi, and congratulations on not being a puppy any more. I smiled at the email. Michelle had always been great and asking if I needed her to come back at the drop of a hat just showed how fantastic she was. Skipping through some photos of the cruise ship and her and Keiran in various exotic destinations I closed the email and opened Ben's. Laughing at his jokes and his descriptions of his day to day life in California. Reminding me that I'd promised to visit him again and that being as I got a proper wage I could afford to. Oh, and I'd better be there at his graduation in a years time.

Finishing my breakfast and throwing my plates and cutlery into the bin (ahhh the wonder of McDonald's disposable packaging), I headed to bed, thankfully being too tired to dream any dreams of Sophie or anything else.

I'd managed to have hours of dreamless sleep, well I couldn't recall any dreams and was feeling OK when I signed into work, sitting in my usual place in the briefing room, cup of coffee in hand and enjoying a laugh and joke with the boys. Twenty five minutes after that, Dan and I were were back out in our faithful Batmobile patrolling a similar area to the previous night.

**x-0-x**

The next week flew by.

We'd had the usual shifts, a mixture of busy, slow, chaotic and funny. Dinner with Claire, Ash and the kids had been a blessed soothing balm on me. The kids using me like a chew toy and then beating the crap out of me on their Kinect system while I pleaded I was used to my PS3 being the highlight of my evening.

I'd finally checked out Ryans email, laughing at the number of photos he'd sent me of his travels and the work he'd been doing with an aid agency which enabled him to do all his travelling. Various photos of Ryan covered in mud, muck and Christ knows what else as he was building a well I think. I'd laughed reading it and sent him a nice long email in return, with a small bollocking for grassing me up to his mum and worrying the poor woman who'd been more of a mother to me than my own mother.

Back in work after my days off and back in the Batmobile with Dan, I was on spotting duties for a known local smack rat we were hunting when his personal radio started ringing. Grumbling slightly he stopped out car and answered it. Not knowing who was on the phone, I pointed outside to let him know I was going for a quick scout around to give him his privacy, and to look for the smack rat who'd been making peoples lives a misery.

Hearing Dan calling me back over my radio, I trotted back empty handed to find him gunning the engine on our car, blues and twos already started. Strapping myself in to my seat, he took off, expertly winding his way through the traffic and telling me he'd had a call from a certain Katy Armstrong who thought she'd seen the burglar in the back alleyway again. Grimacing at having to go back, and silently cursing Dan for being the consummate professional in giving her his card and contact details, I found my professional armour, donned it and called our job into HQ as Dan got us there in a blink of the eye.

The same as last time, I was out of the car and off like a whippet before Dan had even brought the car to a screeching halt. Running down the alleyway behind the neat terraced houses, I caught a glimpse of an open gate as I ran past, smashed rear windows in my peripheral vision as I pushed my body to the end of the alley and followed it round a corner, FINALLY catching a glimpse of my prey.

Yelling at him to stop, I was almost pleased when he took off like a startled gazelle. Taking off running after him again, I managed to radio to Dan I was chasing the scrawny little shit, gasping out where I was as I sucked lungfuls of air into my lungs, trying desperately to keep up with him in my heavy work gear. Chasing him round one final corner back onto where I knew the road was I slowed to a halt as I found a large police car with an equally large Dan cuffing the guy who'd ran. With a quick check that this was the guy I'd chased and with a little detective work backtracking to the open gate, we realised we'd disturbed him in the act of robbing another house. Fucking champion. It wasn't the smack rat we'd been looking for earlier, but as evenings went, it sure perked up our shift.

We'd bundled him in the back of our car until the little shit started kicking the crap out of it, so a van had been called and the little shit duly dragged off to the nick to be booked in which meant one of us could take quick notes from the person who'd called it in whilst the other checked the burgled house. Dan offered me the burgled house but I decided to take the bull by the horns and talk to Katy. Which meant, yup, you guessed it, I had to go into her house and face up to my past a little more.

I wasn't going to let this or her or Sophie beat me, I was different now, I'd show her.

Walking up to the front door of the little terrace house, I waited for the door to open and a nervous and scared looking Katy to open the door and invite me in. The door opened and I didn't get a nervous and scared looking Katy. No ma'am. I got a nervous and scared looking Sophie opening the door.

Actually I think you could add surprised, delighted and terrified to that list of emotions too. I wasn't a copper for nothing now, I'd learned to read people a hell of a lot easier than two and a half years ago. If I wasn't so surprised at seeing her (although I probably shouldn't be), I'd probably have laughed at the sight of the emotions blatantly chasing each other other across that expressive face.

Putting my professional façade fully in place I gave a grim smile as she stuttered through a greeting and gestured me into the house.

"I need to take a few details from Miss Armstrong please".

I followed the same hallway from my earlier visit towards the kitchen as I heard a startled Sophie trot after me, babbling about how it was a nice surprise to see me and Katy had mentioned I'd been one of the coppers who'd attended her previous call. I'd blanked her out, only concentrating on talking to Katy and taking down the details I needed and listening to my works radio through the earpiece I wore when Sophie grabbed my arm to stop me.

Wee bit of a mistake that.

"Sian, did you hear..."

I pulled my arm out of her grasp as if her touch was poison, which to be honest, it was. Putting enough space between us, I stood in the doorway to the kitchen, spotting Katy sitting at the kitchen table. Glancing back at Sophie, I gave her a grim smile. One of the nastier ones I'd perfected, you know the type, the ones that don't really reach your eyes.

"It's Constable Powers to you Miss Webster," I was unable to resist one final dig, "it IS still Miss Webster isn't it?" Ignoring her strangled gasp and retreating footsteps and turning to Katy, I gestured at an empty chair, silently asking if I could sit. Katy stared at me before nodding at the chair, granting me permission to sit.

"Still a fucking idiot then Sian, or should I say Constable Powers?"

Ouch. Still I wasn't going to let that go lightly. Staring back, I growled.

"I've come to do my job Miss Armstrong, and you and I and Sophie know what happened in the past, so lets just leave it there OK?" She wasn't letting it go easily though.

"No, Sian, you DON'T know. You never bothered to wait around did you? You just..." I snapped.

"ENOUGH" Katy snapped her mouth shut mid sentence.

Throwing my notebook on the table and digging a pen out of my pocket, I made it obvious what I was here for. "Right, I need some details off you and then I'll need to know if you'll make a statement and possibly appear in court alright?" And I left it at that, fifteen minutes later leaving with all the details I needed whether I wanted them or not.

Detail number one I didn't need: Katy house shared with Sophie.

Detail number one I did need: Katy was happy to give a full statement, do a line up and go to court.

Detail number two I certainly didn't need: I was going to have to see more of Miss Webster. Whether I liked it or not.

I certainly didn't like it.

Fuck it.


	20. Chapter 20

**Authors note:** I'm not a police officer so sometimes I may get things wrong. It fits in the story, I use it. Smack rat=drug abuser (it's slang from where I live)

**Authors note 2: **Thanks as always goes to my great proof reader Spof. She keeps me writing away and won't let up until I've finished another chapter...

**Authors note 3**: My characters swear. I've told them to pack the effing hell in, but they carry on regardless.

** x-0-x**

Processing the burglar took a wee bit longer than we wanted. We eventually managed to hand him over to CID, but not without our problems. He was known to us, but was homeless so he'd have to be kept on remand. And he was a disgusting little shit. We'd tried wrangling out of a line up with him, to 'spare Katy the hassle' (actually to spare me the hassle), but the plain clothes bods wanted one as more evidence. Not that the matching finger prints and rather fantastic description by Katy wasn't enough. The guy was a sneaky bastard and had wriggled out of being sent down on more than one occasion. They really wanted this badly. I's dotted, T's crossed. All that jazz. I couldn't blame them for that, I hated seeing criminals get away, hated losing, it was that competitive streak I still had.

Eventually after some arguing between Claire and the CID sergeant about borrowing me to chaperone Katy for the line up (it seemed they thought their CID officers were beneath being a chaperone and as I knew Katy and Sophie through the case and was female, I was perfect for the job) it was organised for a day shift the next week. And slowly and inexorably, my calender and shifts were ticked off until I was in work on a day shift and had been told to go and pick up Katy Armstrong and her companion to come to the line up.

Signing a car out, I grimly headed for the car park. I was only allowed to drive normal police cars until I passed my advanced drivers course, I had to rely on Dan for the high speed driving and pursuits. Standing in the car park, I stared at my ride. A crappy little Vauxhall Astra. Sighing gently, and pondering buying myself a new car now I'd passed my probationary period, I was lost in my own thoughts and jumped when a warm hand landed on my shoulder, followed by Claire's voice in my ear telling me to be professional and that she'd tried to spare me this. I smiled at her, knowing she had and pottered off on my little mission, not without fielding little calls off Dan, Gerry, Ian and Chris on my way. All the lads now very fully aware of who Sophie was. Of that I had no doubt, but I wasn't annoyed. New mature and confident Sian knew that Dan and Claire had probably told them for my benefit. These lads were truly my friends and were only worried about me. Finishing the last call with unseen rolled eyes and a promise to call Dan if I felt overwhelmed, I parked outside the tidy terrace house. I sat and wrote a few notes in my notebook to gain me some extra time before being pretty much alone with the double team of Katy and Sophie for the thirty minutes drive back to the station. Calming myself down with some deep breathing exercises, I left the car and knocked on the neatly painted door.

Twitching and fiddling with my uniform, making sure it was neat and tidy, I heard light footsteps and then the door was opened to a nervous looking Sophie. I nodded and greeted her and told her I'd wait for them both by the car. Walking slowly to the gate and then lurking by the car, I watched the two of them have some sort of discussion before finally locking the front door and making their way towards me.

"You're sure everything's locked up ladies?" I raised an eyebrow, vowing to be the consummate professional to my ex lover and ex friend. Nothing more, never anything more, not now.

"What did you think we were discussing?" Katy snapped at me "You?"

I smiled and quirked an eyebrow up to let them know that yes, actually that was exactly what I thought. I know I was acting a little out of character here, I'm certainly not smug and arrogant, but it was the only defence I had against Sophie. She walked past me to the car and I caught a glimpse of her, head down, and then slyly looking at me from under her eyelashes as she climbed into the back of the small police car. I caught a glimpse of the sunlight glinting off her wrist as she pulled the door shut before catching Katy looking at me as she hopped into the back of the car on the other side, a strange sad little smile on her face.

Managing to avoid small talk about me, I kept everything I said to a professional level, only answering about the case and what I was permitted to say. It was difficult. Every time I looked in the rear view mirror I could see Sophie staring at me unabashed, not even trying to hide her curiosity at the sight of me in my uniform. Those deep blue eyes meeting mine every time I checked my mirrors. How the fuck I kept a civil tongue in my head and stopped myself from growling at her or snapping I don't know. I kept things as light and neutral as I could.

Katy was as persistent as ever. She just didn't give up. The girl was still a Terminator, relentless. I ended up saying more than I wanted.

With a scowl of course.

Yes, I was happy as a police officer. Yes, it was fantastic Katy'd qualified as an English teacher and Sophie was a social worker. Wondrous news indeed. Yes, she was still with Ches. No, I wasn't going to answer personal questions that were not relevant to the case. Yes, wasn't it just a lovely twist of fate that brought us all back together not once, but twice in a few weeks. Yup, Katy was of the opinion it was fate. I was of the opinion fate sucked. There was utterly no mention of Lee or the reason I'd left university and the pleasure of their company.

I was guessing it wasn't acceptable to mention it in company.

Thankfully it didn't take long to get to the station, and there was some amusement as the girls realised they couldn't get out of the back of the car due to the criminal proof locks, which meant I had to open the doors for them. That glint on Sophie's wrist caught my eye again, but I would never stare at her long enough to see what it was, and we'd managed to avoid talking to each other so far. She seemed content to stare and I was content to glare. Yeah, I was still a poet.

The line up went without a hitch. Katy went in and picked the guy out of the line up they had with ease. It was all done electronically, so no one needed to see her and she didn't need to give the dramatic point and "THAT'S HIM OFFICER!" you see on TV shows. Life wasn't like that, just like there were never many happy reconciliation's either. And that was her part over and done with for now. Now it was down to the legal eagles to argue it out.

Thirty minutes later and I was driving them home again, answering questions Katy didn't want to ask the CID people. I couldn't blame her, they were arses. If there was one thing I knew about my police career, it was I was not joining CID. Sophie had pretty well been quiet all this time. Adding the odd murmured comment during the video line up and that was it.

"So, if he pleads guilty, I won't have to go in the dock and be questioned?" Sitting at a set of traffic lights, I looked in the rear view mirror to the deep blue pools staring back at me and then to Katy's scared and worried brown eyes. Closing my eyes for a minute and taking a deep breath, I put her firmly in the witness/victim category I SHOULD have treated her as from the beginning, and not the enemy. Or friend of the enemy. I gave her a quick smile, a genuine one this time, my eyes joined in with the curling of my lips and I saw Katy realise I was being a little more relaxed this time. A bit more like the Sian she maybe remembered.

The lights turned to green and we were off again, my concentration on the road and my driving. "No, if he pleads guilty, and he should, given all the evidence we have, he will just appear before the judge and be sentenced." I checked my mirrors before flicking on a indicator to turn down the road their house was on. You may be needed at court just in case, but Dan and I will be there with you, so try not to worry 'kay?" I pulled up outside the house and put the handbrake on before turning around in the seat and looking at them properly. Well, looking at Katy.  
"Does he know we grassed him up?" Sophie's quiet voice filled the car. I looked at her, her expressive face showing a little more anxiety than I think she wanted too. It troubled me. I kinda had a duel edged sword thingy going on here. I really wanted to hate her, but honestly, I was never a person for hate (unless it was Lee, I was pretty positive I still hated him. I mentally snarled at the thought of him. Yup, still hated him). I was never going to forgive and forget everything that happened, but she was still an unwilling victim in all this, and I was a police officer, it was my job to protect them. Nice helpful professional PC Powers won out, just.

"No Miss Webster he doesn't know that." I pretended not to see the hurt flash across her eyes at my formal use of her name, "there's no way he'll find out from us."

"Sian" I stared at her as she spoke my name. Glared was probably closed to the truth. "Sian, can't you even say my name now?"

"No." I was blunt. "You are both involved in a crime I've investigated and assisted in arresting a male." I hoped my formal language would get the message through before mentally rolling my eyes. "I'm not being arsey for the fun of it." I shrugged. "Even if we were friends, I would need to be a little more formal, so I'd appreciate you not calling me Sian." I paused. "I don't think after everything that happened its appropriate anyway."

Getting out of the car to avoid the tear filled blue eyes, I opened the doors so they could leave me be for a bit. The close proximity to Sophie making me think and scarily, feel. I'd opened Sophie's door first and she walked past me without a seconds glance, head down searching for her keys as she headed for the door. Katy sprang out of her seat when I opened the door.

Standing up next to me she stared at me. I was too fucking tired for this, I felt drained, weary at having my walls up in Sophie's presence all this time.

"You're still a fucking idiot PC Powers." She snarled at me. I just looked at her. "Yeah, yeah, you can nick me if you like for swearing at you, but it doesn't change the fact you're a fucking idiot Sian." She carried on, showing no signs of backing off. For fucks sake, I hoped she wouldn't kick off so I'd have to arrest her. That'd just complete my day wouldn't it? "You don't know the full story Sian."

"Tell me then"

"No."

I blinked at her refusal.

"Ms Armstrong. " I sighed. "Katy. I'm too damned tired for all this shit from the past OK? I've moved on."

She smiled at me. "Course you have. Just like she has." She gestured at the house. "You want answers Sian, you need to ask her. That's all the help I'm giving you this time." I handed her my card, a copy of the one Dan had handed her, this one with my details on instead.  
"As your liaison in this case, these are my contact details. Anything you need to know over the case and only the case, call me and I'll get back to you. And thank you for your help Ms Armstrong. You've been brilliant. I'll keep you updated."

She took the offered card, thanked me and smiled sadly before heading for her door. Watching her go into the building just in case I was needed, I watched Katy turn around. "By the way PC Powers, that shiny bracelet Sophie wears that you keep staring at? It's the one you bought her for Christmas two and a half years ago. She never takes it off. I've never seen her without it." And with that little bombshell, she walked into the house closing the door behind her.

Well shit.

I sat in the car for a minute gathering my thoughts not really knowing whether Katy was lying before driving back to the station and into an interrogation from Dan. I didn't tell him anything, just that things were civil and fine and professional, repeating the same information to Claire when she collared me at the end of my shift. I didn't want to talk about it with anyone. I was on some down time after today, my regular days off and I wanted to potter around my flat and go car hunting in that order. Maybe with an evening at Vanilla thrown in. Without the boys. A bit of me time hopefully with some nice woman to help take my mind off Sophie.

**x-0-x**

Finishing my shift and heading home after fielding numerous offers of nights out, meals in and general company from my team, I finally managed to collapse on the sofa. Knackered. Done in. Take your pick of phrases and add some of your own if you like. Bath, food and an early night was all I was good for. The emotional side of my job and keeping those damned walls in their place between me and Sophie had taken their toll. When Gerry had asked a simple question of why do it, I'd snapped a reply at him. Number one, the CID crew had demanded me as a chaperone as Katy already knew me and two, as Claire had said I needed closure, and what better way than to face my demons head on and show I'd moved on and got over her.

Lying in bed, I thought it over. The thing was, I wasn't over it was I? I'd not had the closure Claire had rightly said I needed to truly move on and Katy wasn't about to tell me what I needed to know.

And I did need to know.

I had to talk to Sophie.

Rolling over in bed, I mentally yelled at my brain to shut up while it basically shoved two fingers up at me and laughed in return. Great, now I was going mad. My brain was picking on me now.

Shoving my head under my pillow, I eventually fell asleep.


	21. Chapter 21

**Authors note:** I'm not a police officer so sometimes I may get things wrong. It fits in the story, I use it. Smack rat=drug abuser (it's slang from where I live)

**Authors note 2: **Thanks as always goes to my great proof reader Spof. She keeps me writing away and won't let up until I've finished another chapter...

**Authors note 3**: I'm not sure if I can update next week, but I'll try.

**x-0-x**

Friday was spent car shopping. I ended up with Gerry as company. Appreciating his easy going Irish nature and accent as we spent a day irritating car salesmen as we asked all sorts of stupid questions and took cars for a test drive. Only stopping for a pub lunch where, bless him, he delicately danced around the Sophie subject and I not so delicately admitted I didn't really actually know what I was going to do, but Claire was right. Gerry had just winked at me and gripped my hand for a few seconds before changing the subject back to cars as he shovelled food into his mouth. See? That's what I loved the most about my team. They just knew me, they GOT me and knew me well enough to know when to stop pushing.

I fell in love in the afternoon. Not with the lovely saleswoman Sara (I think Gerry had his eye on her, his Irish charm went into overdrive), no, I fell head over heels with a metallic grey Nissan Quasqai. I think it was love at first sight (for me and Gerry). Sara the nice saleslady couldn't believe her luck with me. I was pretty much happy to buy it then and there, my job security as a copper giving me good credit, thank god I'd paid back the student loans I'd needed when I went to Lancaster, no loans, no real debt except for my flat rent. I'd managed to fall on my feet. Filling in the forms, my faithful old car would be taken off me and a nice new shiny metallic grey Quasqai would be mine when it was delivered.

I came away with loads of paperwork, Gerry came away with Sara's phone number. We were laughing all the way home as he dropped me off and gave me a quick hug and kiss on the cheek before he offered the now obligatory shoulder to cry on if I needed it before dodging my hand as I tried to slap him.

Ignoring his playful ruffle of my fair hair, I dodged out of his beast of a truck and headed home, waving out of my window that I was home safe, laughing as Gerry finally left. I may be a copper and more than capable of handling myself, but the boys still treated me as a kid sister, even though Gerry was only three years older than me, and Dan was six years older than me.

Grabbing a bite to eat, I considered going to the Village for a few drinks, I was known well enough as a local by other locals and door staff and knew I'd have a good time even by myself, but checking my watch and feeling weary still, I ended up sprawled on the sofa watching shit TV and emailing my friends round the world to tell them of my new car, avoiding an update on the Sophie front with everyone but Ben.

Ben I always told everything to. Always had since the first day we met I guess. Eventually deciding to go out tomorrow night instead, I fell asleep on the sofa. Finally moving into my bed when I was woken up with a stiff neck at four am, only to fall asleep thinking about those fucking blue eyes again.

**x-0-x**

I was pretty grumpy when I woke up. My dreams had been insane. A mixture of pretty damned erotic involving almost every woman I'd been involved with, (not THAT many since Sophie, but enough, I'd not been a nun, lets leave it there.) Combined with those sort of dreams were the images of the me bursting into a house to save Sophie from a violent burglar which was intermingled with dreams of me being abandoned in a jail cell all alone.

So, I was grumpy. You'd be too if you were alternately turned on and horrified all in one night and woke up sweating and irritated with yourself.

Grabbing my trainers I fell back on my normal routine and went for a run, blowing the cobwebs and bad mood and feelings out of my system, before returning and grabbing a shower while my emails loaded up. Cup of coffee and bacon sandwich in hand, I sat down on the sofa with my laptop, spotting the email I wanted, a reply from Ben.

Opening the mail, I smiled as I saw a big beaming smile on a photo he sent me, sitting with a nice new shiny trophy he'd obviously won. Reading his answers to how his past week had been and generally chatting about his life and career plans for maybe returning the UK or maybe staying in the US, I got to the bottom of his email and his parting shot about Sophie. Talk to her. Just to talk to her and have it out once and for all, at least then I'd be able to finally box off the experience and forget about her.

I sat close to the little balcony I had in my front room, doors open, enjoying the sunshine, cup of coffee I hand. I'd been quiet and still for the afternoon, simply enjoying my down time and people watching the folk outside. Checking my watch, I finally made a move, realising it was getting late to be going out. Grabbing a bite to eat and getting ready, I headed off to the tram stop to make my way to the Village for a couple of quiet drinks.

**x-0-x**

I'd managed to grab my favourite seat in Vanilla. Sitting in a secluded corner close to the bar where I could watch all the comings and goings as women entered the lesbian club. Sipping my drink and listening to the banter of the bar staff as they play squabbled I relaxed as they made me join in for a while. I liked this place. Michelle had brought me here not long after I'd moved to Manchester, and I was a regular, knowing the staff and other regular visitors who came in, like me, to chill out and occasionally dance and maybe pull. I was happy enough to just come here and chill, knowing I could eye up any women in here and not have a pint thrown over my head. I'd been there for a while and was thinking of making a move to go home. I'd relaxed and enjoyed myself, dancing with a few women and even being given a couple of phone numbers. I just relaxed and chilled, and was pleasantly buzzed, watching and laughing at the antics of a few of the gay men who'd come in with their friends, showing off their dance moves.

I spotted them before they spotted me.

Moving my chair back further into the background where I was fully hidden by the shadows, there in my view was Katy with Ches, his ginger hair shining brightly under the lights, and behind them, Sophie...and some taller, short haired brunette...holding hands?

My eyebrows went up a few notches.

Well well, Katy had said I needed to talk to her myself. I took a drink from my glass and carried on watching them, even more surprised when the taller brunette started flirting with everyone in the place, and I mean EVERYONE. Lesbian, straight, male, female, she was pretty damned shameless. I was amused at her antics, and fair play to her, she was a pretty good dancer and wasn't too bad to look at. She got close to my table more than one time and I caught a glimpse of her stunning blue eyes as she went past. So. Sophie still had a thing for blue eyes. Looking at her watching her date dancing with everyone she didn't look pissed off (I would), in fact she looked sort of embarrassed and amused all at the same time. Katy and Ches also laughing at the flirty woman's antics.

I'd finished my drink and really wanted to make a move away from them, I'd been out for a few hours and had had a good night, I didn't want a scene. Waiting until they'd either gone to the toilets or their backs were turned, I couldn't see Sophie's date, but I'd take my chances. Waving goodbye to the bar staff, I made my way towards the exit, skipping past Katy and Ches without being spotted. I'd got to the door and was almost out when a sultry voice stopped me and a certain short haired brunette stepped in front of me.

"Well hello there, and how did I miss dancing with you?" I smiled at the brashness of the woman, pretty sure those vibrant blue eyes got their way often enough, with their devilish twinkle. Sophie letting her flirt and dance with everyone in sight proof of that obviously. Unable to help myself from smiling at the woman's sheer cheek and boldness, I stepped back a little, giving myself some space.

"Maybe next time, when you're not with your girlfriend," stepping around her I made the stupid mistake of looking up at the stairs to the toilets where Sophie was standing there watching us, her face unreadable.

"Sian?" The unreadable expression disappeared and even I could see the hope and joy, yeah joy in her eyes. "PC Powers...Sian... please. Stay for a drink with me. Please."

Oh shit, I'd tried avoiding a scene, really I had, but when Sophie's girlfriend stepped back in front of me and started screeching "Sian? Sian? THAT Sian?" I saw the twinkle in those bright blue eyes turn hard and knew well enough to make a sharp exit before things turned nasty and I got thrown out of one of my favourite clubs.

"Yeah, I imagine I AM that Sian, so I'll just be going before things get ugly OK?" There were too many people around, too many people staring and it reminded me of university all over again, especially with Sophie, Ches and Katy being here." Making my way out of the door, I turned and looked at Sophie's date "and everything she ever told you about me is probably wrong love, you don't know the half of it."

And with that I managed to get out, past the door staff who gave me a sympathetic nod and getting a good few yards away from the entrance before leaning on the canal wall and taking deep breaths, staring down at the dark canal water, affected by the event more deeply than I thought I would be. The fact I'd had more than a few drinks clouding my thoughts.

"Sian..."

I looked to my right and yup, there was Sophie. I sighed, she must have followed me. "Sophie."

"Are you..." she shuffled forward, stopping when I glared at her. "Are you OK?"

I turned and leaned my back against the wall, crossing my arms over my chest. "Yeah, I'm fine. A bit amused your girlfriend was flirting with everyone" I shrugged, "but hey, you know. Shouldn't you be pissed with her or something? You know, watching her flirt with everyone?"

I was surprised when firstly Sophie burst out laughing and secondly, she came and leaned against the wall next to me. Ignoring my 'fuck off vibes'.

"My 'girlfriend' as you so sweetly put it is my sister Rosie. We're not like that in my family you know," she curled the corner of her mouth into a half smile. " I love her, but not THAT way PC Powers." She fully smiled. "She's very supportive of me and loves causing havoc in the Village apparently." She laughed, "I thought you were a good copper PC Powers."

I didn't want to smile, I wanted to scowl and carry on bring angry, but my brain was laughing at me again telling me life was too short and I ended up smiling at my ex lover instead. Shrugging my shoulders affably at her I replied. "Well, you DID walk in together holding hands and stuff you know. Ches and Katy there like a double date. It's a decent assumption." I sighed. "I'm off duty Sophie, call me Sian alright?"

"You know what they say about assuming things. Makes an ass of you and me..." she smiled before looking at me again. "Please come and have a drink with me. Talk to me Sian, you need to know some things about that time." She paused and copied my stance, arms crossed over her chest before she continued, her voice quieter but thick with emotion. "I've missed you so much." Taking a sly look at her, I saw her playing with her wrist and sure enough, Katy was right, the bracelet I'd bought her for our first (and only) Christmas together was sitting there on her wrist. She was twisting it around, playing with the links. I threw my head back and looked at the stars, and finally made the right decision and stopped being an arsehole, even though part of me still wanted to tell her to fuck off.

"OK."

I really could have made a habit of laughing at her facial expressions. This one cycled through expected disappointment, self loathing (I think), shock and finally, utter utter joy. I gave a gentle smile at the final look, realising one simple word from me had placed that look there, and my next one would probably destroy it...

"But..." I watched her face crumple, "Sophie, you're friends with a witness to a case I'm involved with. I'm Katy's liaison officer. We will have a chat, I promise, but it'll have to wait until after the case alright? I looked at her, willing her to understand I couldn't let our much needed talk jeopardise locking up a complete nasty bastard and getting him off the streets. Since joining the force I'd learnt to sacrifice certain things and this would be another one, but hopefully not for long.

She nodded at me, returning my small smile, "well, you know where I live and I have your number, so I guess we won't be disappearing any time soon?" I could hear the uncertainty in her voice.

"No, I won't disappear Sophie, I'll be in touch OK? I promise. I need closure on a lot of things, I guess you do to so we can both move on." I watched her face crumple. Oh for fucks sake what had I said now? I looked up to see her sister hovering close by, giving me uncertain looks. "Look, I'm tired, I'm off home, I'll leave you and your sister to have fun tonight, I'll be in touch, I promise." I eyed Rosie up, she didn't look particularly friendly towards me, but hey, I'd dealt with Lee before I'd even become a copper, so I wasn't too worried now I knew who she was.

"Give me your phone." I raised an eyebrow at the command, but did as I was told. Sophie fiddled with it for a minute before handing it back to me. "There, now you can at least maybe text me?" she looked down, before looking back up again. "If you want to."

Smiling, I managed to restrain myself from touching her (just) and headed off home, texting Ben on my way to catch the tram to let him have an update. Fucking hell, I hoped I didn't disappoint him. It was a start.

A small one, but a start none the less.


	22. Chapter 22

Lords, ladies and gentlemen,

If you're interested, you may like to read this

h t t p : / es-diferente . blogspot . co . uk / 2012 / 05 / announcement . html

you may also visit here (but I suggest you read Es's blog of explanation)

h t t p: / mftm . forumotion . c o. uk (as always, remove the spaces...)

Hopefully see you in our new place ;-D

Stunts.

P.S Apologies if anyone subscribes to several story updates and you get this 3 or 4 times...!)


	23. Chapter 23

Hi guys, just to let subscribers know there's a new chapter of Es's story Close Protection on mine and Es's new site. (it's a cracker too!)

Both our entire works are already on there... as are all of AssassinsLover's excellent fics and artwork.

We have no ban on MA fic... unlike FanFic Net which is deleting it...

For the address, visit the web addy in my profile or take the spaces out of the one listed below.

mftm . forumotion . c o. uk

You'll need to be a member for access

Stunts.

P.S You can subscribe to threads for updates..


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